Abigail Writes Elsewhere Now

URL Change

2010-07-10T06:50:00.000-07:00

This blog now publishes at:
http://absandthegreatworld.blogspot.com

If you "Follow" this blog you were automatically switched. If you subscribe to an RSS feed, you might want to check to make sure it updated. Please join me over at the new URL! Also, if you link to my blog in your blog, please change the URL in the link! Thanks!!! Can't wait to see you in The Great World!

Title Change

2010-07-07T07:59:00.000-07:00

I have changed the title of my blog to "Abigail and the Great World." For now, I'm keeping the original URL to make things easy for everyone, though if one day you can't find my blog, try replacing the word 'real' with the word 'great.'

This change comes after long deliberation, from wanting to completely overhaul the theme of the blog to feeling scared to make any change at all. Yet, the word 'real' didn't seem to fit my life. That's not to say that 'real world' things never happen-- I do things like pay bills, get my car inspected and stickers up to date, wait for someone to come fix the garbage disposal, and price compare when grocery shopping to keep within my budget-- but perhaps the real world does not actually exist, or if it does, I've not lived in it and hopefully never will.

I just see so much beauty, joy, and everyday-magic. It's everywhere! Life is usually not dull, or tedious, or even nerve-wracking the way I imagined 'the real world.' There are moments, of course, of tedium or feeling blue because that dress on Anthropologie.com costs too much; there is sadness, too, and sometimes anger, both in my personal life and at things like the oil spill, politics, and war.

Generally, though, I just see abundant goodness in humanity and nature.

So, "Abigail and the Great World." The title was inspired by one of my favorite Betsy-Tacy books, Betsy and the Great World. After she finishes school, Betsy travels abroad to the 'Great World' to experience life. Though I have a thesis to finish, I'm essentially done with school-- for the first time in my life I won't be returning to class in the fall. It's time for me to experience my own 'Great World.'

And the Betsy-Tacy series has always given me such hope and comfort. No matter what happens, whether it's losing the writing contest, cooking a terrible meal for Joe, or finding herself friendless in a foreign country, Betsy picks herself up and carries on, always pursuing her dreams unflaggingly. She always believes in herself and her potential. She has such deep and true friendships, something I count myself lucky to have also, and Betsy never lets things get her down for long before she discovers something beautiful about the world. She certainly never lived in any 'real world.'

And for that matter, I don't think the author, Maud Hart Lovelace, ever really lived in a 'real world,' either. No matter what occurred, Maud could turn it into a lovely story, taking both victories and disasters and turning them into a celebration of life. She seems to have had such a rose-tinted spirit: she saw so much good in the world and in humanity, even as she lived through two World Wars.

Anyone who knows me well can attest to the impact these books have made in my life, and it only seems fitting that I should do them homage. So, welcome once again to my life, now "Abigail and the Great World."

(In other news, I got a Canon Rebel! So excited for photography!)

Does Anybody See What I See?

2010-07-05T06:25:00.000-07:00

I see fireworks! I see the pagaent and
Pomp and parade
I hear the bells ringing out
I hear the cannons roar
I see Americans - all Americans
Free forever more
~1776: The Musical

Yesterday was the loveliest Fourth of July in recent memory. As I recall, three years ago Kay made me wear a funny visor :), two years ago I was stuck in NIAHD and it rained through the fireworks so I spent the evening in the dorm, and last year my heart was broken and it hurt so much just to breathe, though I smiled through it with my friends. But yesterday was a wonderful mix of patriotism and All-American foods and that summery feeling you get when it's humid out and your gas tank is full and you can do anything.

The Fourth of July-ness kicked off at Kilwin's Ice Cream with Kacey, where I got a scoop of my favorite "Kilwin's Track" ice cream made with real fudge and peanut butter, and we sat outside in the shade to eat. Then I returned home for to get my camera and Laurel's address, ended up accidentally dozing for a little while (but it was nice), and then went to pick up Zan. We headed over to Laurel's for her Fourth of July BBQ, and I got to see people I didn't even know would be there, like Amy and a few others from Reves. Everyone was so nice, and they had the best ears of corn which felt like something to be eaten on the Fourth, and a red velvet cake. I love get-togethers like that; it reminds me that I do have friends in Williamsburg, and lots of people to have fun with for the next year. We only stayed for about an hour though, because we (well, I) had our hearts set on mini-golf.

It was early evening by this point, and the heat was breaking, so off we drove to Pirate's Cove Mini-Golf Adventure! Awhile back we played the "Blackbeard's Challenge" course, so this time it was "Captain's Adventure." We did much better this time around, and we took pictures! The course was basically empty, too, so we could take our time on each hole and take as many pictures as we wanted. I love mini-golf so much!

After mini-golf, we stopped by farm fresh for hotdogs, mustard, and wavy potato chips, then headed back to Zan's to make dinner. I found St. Elmo's Fire on the magic box, so we settled down to our very-Fourth-of-July dinner with a classic 80's movie. While not exactly a patriotic movie, it feels like summer, I think.

As soon as we had finished eating we hopped in the car to go see the CW Fireworks. We parked in the employee lot, then walked until we were seated between the Courthouse and the Powder Magazine. How can you not feel patriotic watching fireworks between these two buildings, so old and proud and full of history? And the fireworks were better this year than last, I think. And they exploded in the sky so big and bright and Zan held my hand and we quietly hummed The Battle Hymn of the Republic and I felt so happy and even though my bag has an 18th-century English actress on it and is from the RSC where I want to work and live, I am very glad I am American. At the end of the day, I appreciate that my passport will always let me back into this country, and I will never forget how much I missed the USA when I studied abroad.

We drove home with 1776 blaring, singing along to The Lees of Old Virginia and The Egg and feeling just as American as you like, (waiting for the chirp, chirp, chirp of an eaglet being born).

Happy Fourth of July, everyone!

My favorite passage

2010-07-02T06:48:00.000-07:00

Sally, do you sometimes wish your feet would one day keep walking and take you far away from Mango Street, far away and maybe your feet would stop in front of a house, a nice one with flowers and big windows and steps for you to climb up two by two upstairs to where a room is waiting for you. And if you opened the little window latch and gave it a shove, the windows would swing open, all the sky would come in. There'd be no nosy neighbors watching, no motorcyles and cars, no sheets and towels and laundry. Only trees and more trees and plenty of blue sky. And you could laugh, Sally. You could go to sleep and wake up and never have to think who likes and doesn't like you. You could close your eyes and you wouldn't have to worry what people said and nobody could make you sad and nobody would think you're strange because you like to dream and dream. And no one could yell at you if they saw you leaning against a car, leaning against somebody without someone thinking you are bad, without somebody saying it is wrong, without the whole world waiting for you to make a mistake when all you wanted, all you wanted, Sally, was to love and to love and to love and to love, and no one could call that crazy.

From The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros, photo from here.

Love. Life. Candy.

2010-06-28T08:05:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to Shea and Andrew!

A lovely wedding on Saturday, filled with old and new friends, old and new memories, reminding ourselves of the meaning of love and hope and promise. A wonderful day with two dear friends in Staunton on Sunday, sitting under a breezy ceiling fan and talking for hours, just like we have on and off for four years, since those days in Stith. And today, looking forward to seeing Zan.

I have very little to complain about in this life.

Round and Round

2010-06-25T13:39:00.000-07:00

I just feel so frustrated right now. Not unhappy, there's a difference, but so damn frustrated. I think maybe I've been gone too long. I have this itch to start working on my thesis again, but all of my books and resources are in Williamsburg. And, since I can't do that, and since I'm currently unemployed until August (which sucks, by the way. I really miss having my own income, and this is the first time since sophomore year of college that I haven't had a paying job... or two. And at least before that I had 9-3, five day a week, volunteer position at the Smithsonian, which felt like a job.), I feel that I ought to be being creative and productive in other ways. The problem is that I'm feeling overly critical of myself lately. I try to read fiction and think, "This is your chance to do all of those things you say you would do if you weren't in school!" So, guiltily, I put the book down.

Then, I grab my camera all set to get back into photography, take a picture and think, "This is crap." I get out my clay, make a new ring, all shiny and pretty with a crystal in the middle, and think, "I could have done better." I try to write fiction or poems and think, "These sound young/pretentious." All of my creative ideas are falling flat with me. I feel like I'm being cut off at every pass, with every idea and every person.

I'm a spinning top looking for a clear direction.

Barring that, here are a few of the photos that I did find decent-ish.

(Sphinx, Sphinx, and the outfit I'm wearing to Shea's wedding tomorrow; photos are mine, please do not repost without attribution)

Just our hands clasped so tight

2010-06-19T15:23:00.000-07:00

The image of clasped hands can mean so much. The clasped hands of a nervous girl waiting for her entrance in a play two years ago; the clasped hands of a girl in a theatre, waiting with excitement for a much-anticipated show; the clasped hands of that same girl yearning with all she has to be a part of what she sees in a theatre in Stratford-Upon-Avon. And more: the clasped hands of lovers, meeting and parting again and again; their clasped hands as they embark together into the dark.

What can I say of Stratford-Upon-Avon and the RSC? To me, this is everything I want. This small English town, full of life, energy, shops, history, and above all, Shakespeare. Being here again I feel the same emotions I felt nearly two and a half years ago when I saw the Henry VI Trilogy— such an intense knowing that here is where I want to be, that this type of theatre is what I want to help create. I’ve been, in small ways, beginning to inch towards that goal, but it is still so distant. But being here I remember again how certain I am that I know what I want in life, and I remember why I tell people that I want to be a dramaturg, or to some a literary manager, or an artistic director—whatever words they can best understand my dreams. It’s not some abstract thing to tell people so they won’t question me further about my plans after graduate school: these are my plans.

In the past two days, I have seen both King Lear and Antony and Cleopatra. King Lear was flawless, and Antony and Cleopatra striking. The RSC is… beautiful. I am perfectly convinced that they can make me love any Shakespeare play; I was lukewarm towards King Lear before, but now! The image of Lear standing in the rain with his fool is one I will never forget. And Antony and Cleopatra—watching this show was sheer joy. At times I could still mouth along with the lines.

When we bought our tickets for 1 Henry IV, an Englishman in front of us said he had seen a crap version of A&C at the Globe, but that the one at the RSC was quite good. When we asked him what was wrong with it he said, “Antony is supposed to be a colossus and they played him as if he were a bank manger, while they played Cleopatra like a tart.” He continued, “They are both supposed to be majestic, and the power struggle between them makes the play dynamic.”

How incredibly accurate. Of course, in the play, each is a little proud and a little crazy, and the politics of the world barge in on their happy harmony causing rather terrible rows, but that makes the play fun to watch. What’s theatre without some conflict?

But these are not two hormonal teenagers like Romeo and Juliet, nor is this the superficial love of Miranda and Ferdinand. Antony and Cleopatra are both older, they know their own hearts and minds, they have both had past relationships (Antony with Fulvia, Cleopatra with Caesar), and while those loves were not untrue, what they have for each other is so certain as to cause them to follow each other into the dark.

Today my mother and I went to the Shakespeare birthplace, and in one of the several introductory rooms, the film narrator said, “No other playwright has so impacted our lives like William Shakespeare.” I thought to myself, “Some lives more than others.” For without Shakespeare—and the subsequent club Shakespeare in the Dark (to which my dear friend Mike Johnson inadvertently introduced me before we even knew each others names), my dreams of working at a Shakespearean theatre, the hours spent both with my books in academic study and in the playhouse itself—my life would be a much lonelier, poorer place. Here’s to the Bard.

For the lad of all lads was a Warwickshire lad!
~Ode to Shakespeare, David Garrick, 1769

Two stars keep not their motion in one sphere

2010-06-17T14:29:00.000-07:00

I have noticed that people fall on one side or the other: Prince Hal or Hotspur. They are passionately devoted to one while being lukewarm towards the other. Truly, as Hal says, "two stars keep not their motion in one sphere."

I am now a Prince Hal girl. After six years of being pro-Hotspur, my mind has been completely changed in the course of an afternoon. I've always liked Hal, but been a die-hard fan of Hotspur. Today's performance of 1 Henry IV at Shakespeare's Globe Theatre in London has changed all of that.

But to begin at the beginning! The past two days have been incredibly fun. Yesterday my parents and I went to Cardiff, Wales, to see the Doctor Who Exhibit and to visit places where both Doctor Who and Torchwood were filmed. The Doctor Who Exhibit was lovely-- I got to see Daleks, Cybermen, Clockwork Men, a Weeping Angel, costumes worn by David Tennent, John Barrowman, Billie Piper, Freema Agyeman, Kylie Minogue and Catherine Tate, plus about a thousand different props. Then, just a short walk from the exhibit, was TORCHWOOD TOWER! It was covered in strawberries to advertise some festival or other, but there it was! We took obligatory pictures, then headed down to Mermaid Quay to see the restaurant where Owen and Diane had their first date in an episode, and we ourselves ate lunch at a Cafe Rouge (one of my favorites from my days in Bath). Just after lunch, we found Ianto's Door, the true entrance to the hub, where Gwen delivers the pizza in the episode "Everything Changes." We also noticed that the entire area was called Roald Dahl Plass, which made me very happy since I love Roald Dahl's stories.

After spending time Doctor Who-ing it up, we took a bus to Cardiff City Center to take a look at Cardiff Castle and walk the grounds. So full of history-- they had this fantastically creative film that used no words, but depicted the past 2000 years through the journal of a girl from 2010. It's a bit difficult to explain, but it was awesome. It ended with the screen rising, giving the audience a view of the Keep, and the last thing to become visible was the Welsh Flag flying proudly in the blue sky. I almost cried, it was so beautiful.

We finished up the day back in London with dinner at this great Indian place called Punjab.

Today was spent in London. My dad had to go back home today, sadly, but my mom and I still had a good time. I got to see Garrick's Theatre Royal Drury Lane (yes, the real one, except it was rebuilt in 1812) though we didn't get a chance to take the tour, we visited Platform 9 and 3/4ths at King's Cross Station, we walked around Kensington, and, most importantly we saw 1 Henry IV at the Globe.

1 Henry IV has been my favorite Shakespeare play since I was seventeen years old and still in high school. It perfectly combines comedy, drama, and history, and effortlessly switches between the two, even within the same scene. It's a gorgeous play. So, you can imagine how excited I was to see that it was playing at the Globe! As we bought our tickets I excitedly quoted to my mother lines such as The Douglas killing the King's wardrobe piece by piece, Glendower and his spirits in the vasty deep, and, most importantly, told my mom about the wonders of Hotspur.

But then! Oh then-- Hal. In almost a flash, my love of Hotspur faded as the actor playing Prince Hal began to shine (as brightly as the sun, some might say). The actor playing Hotspur was fine, but either he didn't get very good direction or I just didn't like his interpretation of the role, whereas Prince Hal-- I have no words. He was superb, sublime, everything you could want in the wayward, noble Prince of Wales. His charisma stole every scene, and his interactions with Falstaff-- well, goodness! Falstaff was played by Roger Allam, so of course he was the creme de la creme, as well. I seriously have never loved Prince Hal more, whether on the stage or on the page. A thoroughly captivating three hours.

And the Globe! After my independent study in Renaissance Performance, seeing a play at the Recreated Globe Theatre just made my day. We bought food outside and took it in, we sat in the middle gallery (my mom refused to be a groundling, and given all the schoolgroups in the yard I'd say it was a good choice), and guh. The staging, the jig, the music, the cannon, everything! While it wasn't quite Andrew Gurr's The Shakespearean Stage come to life, it very nearly approximated it.

We ended the day at pub called The Prince of Wales (I joked that it was in honor of Prince Hal) with a Steak and Ale Pie and mash. How wonderfully English! And tomorrow it's off to even more the Bard-- Stratford-Upon-Avon, where they joke that they have one industry: Shakespeare!

Fairy Tale Castle

2010-06-14T13:17:00.000-07:00

Edinburgh ended nicely, with a tour of The Real Mary King's Close (a neighborhood from the 17th-century preserved underground) and a bit of shopping on Princes Street, but for the past two days my family and I have been residents of Dalhousie Castle in Scotland. It's been truly magical. I have my own room (The Cockpen Room) and my parents are in a room called Robert the Bruce. My room is lovely-- very eighteenth-century with soaring ceilings, a canopied four-poster bed, and its own balcony.

The castle was built around 1300 and originally belonged to the Ramsay Clan. King Edward I (Edward Longshanks) of England stayed here before beseiging somewhere, King Henry IV actually DID beseige here, and Queen Victoria took tea in the Library. The whole thing is dripping with history. We walked the grounds this morning and found an old watchtower, which we were later told was built 700 years ago, too. It's in ruins now, but you can go in and look up to the sky. The whole things looks so Arthurian. Kay mentioned that the castle should rent out medieval costumes for people ~~like me~~ to wonder the grounds in, and honestly I think they would make money off of that venture.

The castle also has a Falconry. They have the most beautiful birds of prey, and we talked to a few of the falconers about how to care for the birds, the different types, and how to train a bird for the sport of falconry. My favorites were the owls. The big ones are so majestic and the little ones are so cute. We watched some people learning to fly them, but I opted to try archery instead of falconry. The morning was beautiful for it! By chance, I ended up being the only person signed up for archery, so I got a private lesson (or private 'tuition', as the falconer put it). I got to shoot for almost an entire hour. Most of my arrows hit the target, but they were all hitting in the bottom right-hand corner on the black or blue instead of in the red or on the yellow bullseye. As we were nearing the end of the hour, I told the falconer about my love for Shakespeare (she was shocked that Shakespeare was popular in the USA... yeah), so as I prepared my final arrow she shouted, "Get a gold for Shakespeare!" and I DID! I somehow hit the bullseye! It was absolutely fantastic!

The afternoon was spent eating lunch in the Orangery, visiting the oh-so-21st-century spa (though the power went out briefly and they had to guide me around the medieval corridors with a candle, that was pretty cool!), and seeing yet ANOTHER wedding. Apparently Scotspeople get married any old day of the week, and wedding season also equals bagpipe season. This wedding was gorgeous, too, but how could it not be, at a castle? Also, the falconry offers the use of an owl to fly your wedding rings down the aisle in a silk bag straight to the best man. Super cute.

Dinner at the castle is at their restaurant called The Dungeon, which is, predictably, in the dungeon. The food is excellent-- I had the duck both nights, and tonight I had a strawberry consumme and Jammy Dodger for dessert. The duck, oddly enough, came with popcorn. I have now eaten popcorn with a fork.

We leave tomorrow for London (the best city on Earth) and I'm very excited to ride the Tube, revisit the Tower, possibly the Globe, Covent Gardens, and especially Drury Lane, but somehow I can't shake the feeling that all of this is just a jaunt away from Bath. I was looking at a magazine in the spa today and saw a Mark's and Spencer's add and thought, "Oh, yes, I should go there when I get home," and 'home' was Bath. I'm a little sad that I don't actually get to visit Bath this trip... how strange. I was rather happy to leave there when I did. But now... I kind of want to go back for a visit, though I know it couldn't possibly be the same. But a Snakebite at the Huntsman, a walk down the towpath, high tea at the Pump Room, and a stroll up Milsom Street would certainly be welcome. Even Oxford would be like a familiar hug, the England I know and love, the England where I lived.

One and One Hundred (and Scotland!)

2010-06-11T10:33:00.000-07:00

Well, everyone, this blog is one year old today! Happy Birthday, blog! And, by random coincidence, I believe this is also the 100th post I've written here. Now, normally I'd take a moment reflect fondly on the passage of time, how much has changed since last June, everything I've learned about history and myself, how happy I am with life right now etc., except that I'm in Scotland. And frankly, that's probably far more interesting than anything else I would say about this past year (on my blog, anyway. *innocent smile*).

I arrived in Edinburgh yesterday. It was, predictably, cloudy and cold when we landed and I immediately wished I had brought a warmer jacket. Our room wasn't ready at the hotel, so we wandered up Princes Street for a bit. I got a Hot Chocolate Milano from Caffe Nero (oh, how I've missed those!) and I saw some lovely stores that I've really missed, such as Barrett's Shoes, Boots Pharmacy, and Debenhams (which carries Jane Norman, one of my favorite stores in Bath!). It remained cloudy. The wind picked up. Luckily, our room was soon ready and as we walked back towards the hotel the sun began to peek through the clouds. By dinnertime, the sun shone broadly and the walk to Rose Street for dinner was actually quite nice. We ate at a pub called Dirty Dick's, est. 1859. Fantastic food (I had a Steak and Ale Pie and Sticky Toffee Pudding) and a really hilarious waiter. After dinner I pretty much crashed into bed, but not before noticing that it was still light out at 9:30 at night.

And still light at 4:00 AM. Yes, that's when I woke up for a good hour and a half. Talked to Zan online, browsed Facebook, prayed for sleep, and finally it came! I actually got up a little before 9:00, and then we were off onto the Hop-On Hop-Off Bus Tour. Today we spent most of our time at Edinburgh Castle. BEAUTIFUL. I got to see Mary, Queen of Scot's bedchamber, the room in which James VI/I was born, the Crown Jewels of Scotland, the Stone of Destiny, and (the most romantic part!) a traditional Scottish wedding in Saint Margaret's Chapel. The Chapel itself was built in roughly 1150 and is not much bigger than a good-sized walk-in closet, but crowded inside we could see bridesmaids and friends, and outside a bagpiper played. Then from around a medieval gate appeared an old-fashioned Rolls Royce and inside sat the bride and her father! The bagpiper and bridesmaids came down the path to greet the bride, then in procession they walked up to the chapel. The whole thing was absolutely gorgeous, and at the end they fired a cannon.

My mom and I spent the rest of the afternoon touring around the city. We saw, among other things, the Scottish Parliament (an odd, African-themed building), the Royal Mile, the filming of a Bollywood movie, a man dressed as William Wallace just chilling on the street, the outside of museum called Dynamic Earth which advertises a 3-D video narrated by David Tennent, and Holyrood Palace, where the Queen resides on her visits of state. Tomorrow we plan to go back to a few places for a more in depth look, plus perhaps we will visit a Scotch Whisky tasting place, Mary King's Close, and (if we're lucky!) take a ghost tour. There's also this graveyard with a touching story about a dog who sat by his master's grave everyday for 14 years before he himself died; the city has erected a statue to the dog, and the cemetery has a shop called "The Creepy Wee Shop in the Cemetery," so we might go there tomorrow also.

I've decided I quite like Scotland. I knew I loved the Highlands, but due to the rain and cold and jetlag yesterday I felt a bit dubious about Edinburgh. But after today I feel quite certain that I will love this place, too. Mostly it just feels really, really nice to be back in Britain after so long away. :)

Heading out to dinner now! Three cheers for pub grub!

EDIT: Ended up at eating at Pizza Express. Bliss! Also, it's 10:45 at night and still not completely dark outside.

(Pictures to come!)

And the Living's Easy...

2010-06-08T06:48:00.000-07:00

The past few days here at home have been blissfully lazy. Of course, trying to do absolutely nothing induces panic attacks (I think my body and mind don't know how to completely relax), but I've been wonderfully unproductive. Nights at Mexicali Blues with Kay, burgers by Brian, a cookout at Pete's, a shopping trip to Old Town with my mom, and hours of reading fiction, quietly curled up under my warm comforter. And tomorrow-- so soon! at last!-- I finally return to my brave island across the Atlantic!

My heart is jumping up and down with anticipation and joy!

Here Comes the Bachelorette

2010-06-05T12:56:00.000-07:00

Last night was Shea's Bachelorette party. I think I can say with confidence that it ended up being one of the crazier nights I've ever experienced and I stayed sober the entire time! Trust me, someone had to. Basically, it was your typical bachelorette party. We stayed at Embassy Suites in Dupont Circle, dressed in all pink (except Shea who was in white with a pink "Bride-To-Be" sash and a little veil), drank pink drinks, and had silly accessories like penis-shaped whistles. Those were pretty funny, actually, and we realized they could be useful as rape whistles if necessary.

After getting ready and taking some pictures, we all headed out to the first of three (gay) bars. Honestly, I have to say the gay bar idea was excellent. We made so many friends, as all of the guys were thrilled when they realized we were a bachelorette party, we were pretty much the only women in the bars, and best of all NO ONE tried to touch us inappropriately. They were just all so nice, buying Shea shots, taking pictures for us, and giving us funny life advice. The first two bars that we went to were great, I really enjoyed them. But around the third bar the night got pretty sketchy pretty quickly.

I was the only one of us sober at that point, and the bar, called "Secrets" was a gay strip club, legit naked men and everything. It was really quite disturbing. I preferred the drag show in the basement to the strippers upstairs. Also, they stamped our wrists after IDing us (like most clubs) and the stamp said "S/Z" and I LCST nerded out on the doorman, because S/Z is a book by Roland Barthes that deals with sexualities. He analyzes in five tropes a short story called Sarrasine by Balzac, in which the main character falls in love with a castrato. Barthes' S/Z, then pulls it apart and illuminates themes of beauty, sexuality, and humanity. It's more complicated than that, but yeah.

Anyways, I think I'm the only person on earth who goes to a gay strip club and asks the doorman about a cultural theorist.

I was quite pleased when we finally left that bar, since it was a bit like watching a car wreck, and we headed back to the hotel. But dealing with two drunk girls (I rode back with Brooke and Alli) was a bit difficult. Brooke got sick in the cab (she managed to get out before actually throwing up, luckily), so she headed straight upstairs to the hotel room once we got back, but Alli refused to go upstairs since she was being very friendly with these foreign guys who thought we were prostitutes since we had on heels at 3 AM and it ended with a very slap-stick-esque elevator chase, with me on one elevator, a sketchy guy on another, and Alli on the third. The elevators were made of glass so we could see each other and we kept running on and off of elevators and floors. Alli and I escaped though, and made it safely back to the room and locked the door. Gah. I am not cut out for sketchyness. Give me a nice round of mini-golf or a late night watching movies any day. But Shea had a wonderful, wasted time, and that's what matters.

And hey, the stories I got from this night will last for ages!

Meetings and Partings

2010-06-04T06:26:00.000-07:00

To paraphrase A Muppet Christmas Carol:

"Life is made up of meetings and partings. That is the way of it. I'm sure that we shall never forget Jeffrey Fine, or this first parting that there was among us."

In Atlanta, just five brothers and sisters now, surrounded by their children, spouses, nieces, and nephews- one of the strongest and most loving families God ever created- gathered to cry, to celebrate, to eat wonderful food, to laugh and tell stories, to catch up with family they hadn't seen in years... but amid all of the hub-bub and happy-noisy-continuous talking of a house full of Fine's, it couldn't be forgotten that something was missing-- the loudest, happiest, most talkative voice of all.

In the corner there was an empty chair...
And a Corvette without an owner.

Let light perpetual shine upon him.

Celebration of Life

2010-06-01T12:05:00.000-07:00

We'll be washed and buried one day, my girl
And the time we were given will be left for the world
The flesh that lived and loved will be eaten by plague
So let the memories be good for those who stay

I've decided that June needs to be a celebration of life in all of its aspects.

It's amazing how life continues on and on in the wake of everything. I spent a few more days in Williamsburg packing for this month, watching Doctor Who with Mike, and helping out with another day of shooting Oates. The shoot was across the river, so I got two lovely ferry rides, so peaceful across the water with the seagulls following the boat. Zan and I named one Chris Walters. :)

My parents are in Dublin, Ireland right now. They went to identify my uncle's body and to sign the proper paperwork to have him sent back home. Tomorrow I'm flying to Georgia for my uncle's memorial service with the whole family. I felt very despondent about it all last night, but I realized, while writing an e-mail, that a funeral is just a celebration of the life of someone special. So, June will begin with a celebration of Jeffrey Davis Fine.

Then I get home and the next day I have Shea's bachelorette party, where we celebrate Shea and the fact that we are young and that we have such wonderful friends. I will switch out my clothes of mourning for a bright pink dress and probably a lovely pink cocktail, too. And at the end of June is Shea's wedding, where we celebrate love, life, and a future of happiness for Shea and Andrew.

In between times, I want to live in such a way that I will never look back on this June and feel like I wasted the time by wishing for July to come quickly. I want to celebrate the fact that I get to travel, that I get to spend some time in the nation that I adore, and even better, in my favorite city on earth: London, the city where my heart resides even when I am elsewhere. I want to celebrate the sun and the rain, the fact that I'm 22 and healthy, all of my friends. I want to celebrate my wonderful family: Josh, who I just had a fantastic lunch with, my mom and dad, and even Sphinx-cat, with whom I was reunited earlier today. I want to celebrate the freedom of my everydays, to read, to write, to sketch, to work on my foreign languages. To sleep late, even!

I want to celebrate that I have found such happiness with a wonderful guy who always makes me smile, even from afar. I want to celebrate how lucky I am in this life, young and in love.

Let him rest, Heaven blessed

2010-05-27T19:07:00.000-07:00

My uncle died. He was the youngest of the six siblings on my dad's side. We weren't expecting it. He had had some health problems, but we didn't know how bad. I don't think he knew. It's been a sad two days. I didn't know him very well, and most of my memories of him are from when I was little. He gave me a Furbie when I was eleven or so. I was staying with him and his family in Omaha, where they lived at the time. He was loud and funny and always the life of the party every Christmas and Thanksgiving. I guess I'm holding up ok. I didn't know him that well in recent years. But inside I feel all tumultuous and confused and sad. Really confused. It's so senseless and heartbreaking and it shouldn't have happened to him. I broke down earlier today while I was driving. I guess it hit me that Uncle Jeff died. He was so young. He wasn't perfect, but he had such a big heart and always meant to do the best he could. And things were just starting to look up for him. Things were finally righting themselves. I hope he has peace.

Wild Oates

2010-05-25T13:01:00.000-07:00

Today has been great: I got to be an extra in the movie that Tom and Zan are making! It's so nice to feel like I have time to help with creative projects instead of being slavishly tied to hours and hours of reading/writing everyday. And the movie looks so good! I've seen some of the dailies and I think it's going to be really awesome and funny. Plus I got to spend about four hours around Zan that I otherwise would have spent organizing clothes and books, which is always nice. The main character of the movie is named Dr. Oates, if you were wondering about the title of this post.

As far as organizing/moving goes, it's amazing how at home I already feel in the townhouse. I've put on the Travel Channel or HGTV and unpacked tons of boxes. I love cooking lunch in the kitchen with Anthony Bourdain to keep me company. I only have a few items left to move tonight (TV, box fan, lamp) and then I'm out of my old house for good! It's a little sad-- so much has happened this past year-- but I'm also so excited to start living here. I've really adored this place since we bought it four years ago and I just feel so comfortable. Like I belong here.

At the same time, I've felt a little reflective these past few days about life, in sort of a melancholy way. I've been really happy lately, what with classes ending, Disney World, moving to a lovely new home, but there are other things, too. I worry about what comes next, what will my life look like in a year. About how I believe in some sort of fate, but I also believe we have a hand in making our own destiny. About how no matter what I can make lemonade, but the lemons hurt. Maybe really, I'm realizing how important some things seem, but how in reality the world is incredibly vast and so much potential exists-- things about which I've never dreamed. I'm learning that I like helping people I care about no matter how large or small the task, that I always have time for friends when they need me no matter how busy I think I am. I am learning this year to go with the flow, to let go of the white-knuckle grip that I hold onto life with, to let life tell me what it wants sometimes instead of always demanding things from it. But I'm still the girl who wants to know the end of the story before she feels like she can relax a bit and enjoy it; I guess, then, what I need to do is learn to let go of fear so that I have the chance to wholeheartedly plunge into everyday.

I also know, in the words of Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, "Everything happens."
Here's to hope. :)

(photo from Miss Domm, banners can be found here)

With the Mouse

2010-05-22T13:11:00.000-07:00

If this was the kick-off to the rest of my life, it started wonderfully: I got a 4.0 GPA this semester (an "A" in Comparative Race Relations!!!), and I spent this past week in Disney World with one of my best friends, Emily. This was the second time that I've gotten to see her in the past year, which is really quite a lot considering I usually see her once a year at best! We met up at the Orlando airport on Monday, hopped our Magical Express bus, and we were on our way to the Yacht Club!

Then an interesting thing happened: As we walked in the doors of the lobby, this very awkward but enthusiastic guy about our age asked us our last name, walked us to the check-in counter, then disappeared through a door. About two minutes later he reappeared with several other cast members carrying balloons. Emily and I assumed it must be someone's birthday, but he came to us! Apparently, we were the Yacht Club Family of the Day!!! This meant that we got a free upgrade to the concierge level, which meant loads of free food in the lounge, free soda, wine, beer, desserts, continental breakfast, and the best view ever from our room. We could see the entire Boardwalk, plus a brilliant view of the Epcot fireworks. Which we enjoyed immensely on our last night as we sat on our veranda munching on our free desserts. Our free food included duck quesadillas, crab rangoon, chicken satay skewer things, bacon-wrapped scallops, goat cheese and crackers, and caramel apple dippers. We also got a certificate, and Emily and I decided that, though we had always been friends, this certificate marked the day we became family :).

Also, I told the guy where I was from, and apparently his whole family went to W&M or worked in CW, which helped explain his awkwardness.

The rest of the trip was wonderful, too, of course. We saw the "Wishes" fireworks at the Magic Kingdom (and laughed as some woman bemoaned the crowds by declaring that it was a fire hazard... outdoors). We rode Soarin' and got Peach Schnapps Oolong Tea at China. We saw a lost duckling in the pool and tried to steer him towards his mother. We played a lovely round of mini-golf at Fantasia Gardens: I got two holes in one! We got manicures and pedicures at the Mandara Spa, and we ate at Sci-Fi Diner at Hollywood Studios. Rockin' Roller Coaster was closed, but we rode The Great Movie Ride and Tower of Terror. They were gearing up for Star Wars Weekends there, so we of course rode Star Tours and shopped for Star Wars gear. On the last day, when Emily had left and my mom had arrived, I saw Mickey as a Jedi, Minnie as Princess Leia, and Donald as a Storm Trooper.

Getting to see my mom was wonderful! We had a very relaxing afternoon together, walking the World Showcase, watching Impressions de France and riding Maelstrom, getting Italian Margaritas, and playing the "Kim Possible Challenge" in the Japanese pavilion (though we had a bit of trouble finding the Zen Garden to activate our first clue). We had dinner at the French pavilion and Ratatouille came around to each table (he was really a little animatronic rat, not a person in costume!) and I spoke broken French to our waiter.

The best part of it all, though, was getting to see Emily for a few days. We always fall back in so easily together-- I am so incredibly grateful to have her as my friend. And I think my body really enjoyed not sitting at a computer all day, or sitting reading all day. It felt nice to walk everywhere, and even though my feet hurt every night and I was sweaty and sticky during the day, I felt so healthy and happy! I think I want to keep that up.

I'm back home now, and happy to be here. I read The Golden Compass on the plane and finished it this morning, and it felt so lovely getting to read fiction again after so many history books. I got to spend yesterday evening with Zan, making dinner and telling him about my trip, and now I'm finishing up moving. I just have a few things left to transfer to my new living space, and then I get to organize it all! I'm actually pretty excited about all of this as I rather enjoy setting up house. Hello, Summer 2010! Hello, life!

Victory and Moving Boxes

2010-05-13T07:56:00.000-07:00

I have completed all of the coursework of my master's program! Victory! I finished my last paper yesterday morning, sent it in, and then felt the weight of the world fall off my shoulders-- briefly. Then I remembered that now it's moving time, and I need to pack up my house in boxes, call for a carpet-cleaning, and schedule an inspection with Berkeley. But I'm done! I have nothing left to do for school save my thesis. Done, done, done!!! How absolutely crazy is that? I suppose some people may have felt this way around this time last year, but as I donned my cap and gown I knew I was in for another year of the worst sucker punches William and Mary could throw at me, and it did, but I survived intact! Intact, and arguably smarter about historical matters. A bit smarter about the world in general, too.

On Sunday all of my senior friends will graduate, and then I truly will no longer be a 'recent college graduate.' What a year it has been. I have met some incredible people, gone through some extreme highs and terrible lows, and read more than I ever thought possible. And now I'm turned ever more loose into the great world.

Another small victory: I got the research assistant position that I applied for! I'm helping a blind doctoral student read primary sources for her dissertation-- first I read them, then I put the relevant information into an electronic format she can access. I'm really excited about it; the hours are flexible, the pay is perfect for my needs, and I get to help out a student I really respect research a really interesting subject. Plus, no job-hunting, plenty of time to conduct my own research for my thesis, a summer off (to get a leg-up on that thesis), and the ability to travel! And believe me I plan to travel.

On a completely different note, yesterday the first thunderstorm of summer occurred. It was a real thunderstorm, with sheets of rain and lightening from the top of the sky to the ground. It was loud and evening fell as it lashed outside the house, and I laid on my bed and watched the sky turn yellow-gray outside my window. Then suddenly it stopped-- everything was quiet, the the light made everything in my room look almost black and white and sepia-toned. I felt like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, that quiet moment right after the house lands. I felt that I would open the door onto a new world full of technicolor.

"Where troubles melt like lemondrops... that's where you'll find me." And in a sense-- certainly academically, and hopefully on a personal level-- perhaps that exactly sums up summer. Perhaps, if I'm lucky, it can begin the rest of my life. A new world of color, adventure, people, experiences, friendships, the odd metaphorical Witch of the West, perhaps, but also a pair of ruby slippers to ensure that I always make it home safely. Someplace where there isn't any trouble. Do you suppose there is such a place, Toto? There must be.

It's not due til Wednesday...

2010-05-09T19:35:00.000-07:00

So I'll have all of Tuesday, unless something should happen, why does this always happen? I should be outside playing getting fresh air and sunshine. I work best under pressure and there'll be lots of pressure if I wait til tomorrow; I should start writing now. But if I start writing now when I'm not really rested it could upset my thinking which is not good at all...

I feel like Charlie Brown, around minute 2:40 of this video.

I have one paper left to write. It's for my independent study. I have read The Spanish Tragedy, I have a semi-outline, a great title. I have one page written. But this paper is proving difficult, and I have writers block like no other. But it's not due til Wednesday... so I'll have all of Tuesday... Gah. Last paper of grad school, why must you be so incredibly stressful right now?

Merrily a-Maying

2010-05-05T18:16:00.000-07:00

Today was really wonderful, in that simple kind of way. I woke up to Russian Vinnie Puh on Youtube, then meandered about the morning by turning in my Comparative Race Relations paper and discussing train scheduling between London and Stratford-Upon-Avon with my mom. Both things felt productive and exciting-- one for being complete, the other for taking firm shape in my future. Then I bought small sweet tomatoes and perfectly ripe strawberries at the grocery store, packed up olive oil, pasta, and parmesan, and headed to visit Kristi for the first time since her wedding. She's pregnant and beautiful and excited and scared. We feasted on a lovely pasta lunch complete with lemonade she made from scratch, devouring food and conversation as if we'd been starved for it. The drive to and from her home felt like summer, with the sky so blue, not a cloud overhead, and a bridge-crossing with ocean water on either side. It was like crossing the causeway onto Captiva, with the salt breeze blowing in my hair and I thought I was catching the trade winds in my sails, as that Mark Twain quote says to do.

Then once home, I got an e-mail from Amy saying she had a gift for me for being a graduate assistant at Reves, and I got a lovely little glass embossed with the W&M symbol, filled with candies, and Josh called right then and we talked about the closing of his freshman year and closing of my masters year. Then Zan came over and we were silly and I told him I disliked Greg James of BBC Radio 1 in an odd way, as if I knew the guy and he was alright in small doses, and we went to the bank and listened to "Drops of Jupiter" which gives me another scene to add to my imaginary music video I make in my head of that song (me and Erin by the pool in 7th grade, me in gym freshman year of HS, me dancing in Alexandria with my friends at senior homecoming, me driving late at night to Virginia Beach sophomore year of college, etc. Flashes of my life, soundtrack provided by Train).

Then for a perfect evening I met up with Jessica, Jeff, and Amanda Scott for pizza at Stephanos and convinced them to try pepperoni and pineapple and we sat and talked for an hour, rejoicing in the end of Race Relations, then looked at the sun melting like butter in the sky so decided to walk through CW. Jessica decided to walk around the Williamsburg Inn so we did, and the landscaping was lovely with purple and white flowers everywhere, little ponds filled with turtles, and the calming quacking of ducks, and nothing to worry about anymore, no guilt because I'm not home reading on a Wednesday night. And the sun continued to set, and little lambs frolicked in fields (legit!), and we breathed in the May as the sky turned pink and purple and yellow, looking for all the world like that Centaur/Pegasus piece in Fantasia, and I felt completely happy. Walking home we all made promises to hang out again soon, and my legs grew tired and I collapsed in a happy heap on my bed and dozed for a bit in a way I would never feel comfortable doing during the year and even though I have one paper left, I'm pretty sure summer has arrived.

And so it goes...

2010-05-02T09:40:00.000-07:00

The title seems rather melancholy for welcoming in May, a month that I love. But the past week has been bittersweet, grad school-wise. On the one hand, I'm thrilled to bits that classes are over, that I'm two papers (and a thesis) away from a masters, but on the other hand, endings are hard for me. Monday I spent several hours in the grad lounge, 'reading,' just so that I could hang out with people up there, knowing it would be one of the last times. Tuesday-- my LAST Tuesday, finally-- we had an exhibit gala of our tobacco projects for Material Culture. The exhibits turned out much better than we had anticipated (my case was called "Peddling Poison," about advertising and the tobacco industry), and the gala was lovely. Zan came to see it (!), and Dr. and Dr. Mrs. Whittenburg were there, and they had those good brownies from Ukrops/now Martin's. Wednesday was our last ever Comparative Race Relations class, thank God. Just have a paper left for that. Afterwords we went out for our last Wednesday Grad Dinner at the Leafe, and I had two pints of Strongbow, then went to Ben's and watched Amanda Lee battle Amanda Scott and her boyfriend at billiards. Then I completed my last assignment for my Independent Study-- watching Shakespeare in Love. Thursday, at the Reves Center, Amy gave us a big cake that said "Thank You" on it, and I fell asleep in the grad lounge before I had my last class ever, EVER, at William and Mary. And Friday, I wanted to start a paper, but instead I had lunch with my usual group, then hung out in the Sunken Gardens with Amanda Lee, Jeff, and Amanda Scott, partaking of the free food and bouncy obstacle courses, but not the traditional alcohol. Friday, too, Stephen moved out and into his new apartment, so the house seems a bit empty. And Friday evening I spent with Zan! We made dinner and watched an episode of Gilmore Girls (we alternate between that and DS9) and discussed our next mini-golf outing. That night we (the grad students + me & Zan) had our last real hurrah of the year-- karaoke at Bourbon Street, where we went one of our very first nights in Williamsburg. Zan and I sang a reprise of our "Total Eclipse of the Heart," and added to it Britney Spear's "Toxic" and Simple Minds "Don't You Forget About Me" (i.e-- the Breakfast Club Song). We make the best karaoke team-- he's an amazing singer, and usually knows the songs much better than I do. I also sang Celine Dion's epic "It's All Coming Back to Me Now." I drank rum and coke, and took pictures, and laughed, and made plans for the summer with the people who will still be here, and wanted to cry because Amanda Lee was leaving the next day and nothing will ever be the same again. Saturday we had our very, very last grad school event-- the HGSA picnic. And now I just have two papers and the year is really, truly done.

Saturday night was fun, though, and not a bit bittersweet. Zan and I drove to Woodberry for Mike's The Fall of the House of Usher, and I wore my new polka-dotted dress and we listened to 1776 and a CD I made him and Barenaked Ladies and Pink Martini and we sang along. And once there, Mike's musical was really good, better than when I saw it this summer at the Fringe, I think (though that may have been the quality of the performance space). We didn't get home until about 2:00 AM!

Today I'm getting lunch with Kacey, working on papers, and hoping to hear back about a Research Assistant position. And so one thing goes, but more is just beginning. I will look back fondly on this year, but I can't wait to see what the future holds!

And, for tradition's sake, "Tra-la, it's May! The lusty month of May!"

Lessons For Life and Storytelling

2010-04-26T08:28:00.000-07:00

Stories don't have to be exotic to speak to your heart, and sometimes finding the familiar in the exotic actually creates more of an impression than do the images of figs, dates, silks, and lapis lazuli. I mentioned that writing knows what it needs more than the writer, that writing can know what the author needs-- stories are the same. Everyone takes from stories what they need, and sometimes the things we take connect us in ways we could not have thought to connect. Globalization is not as new a phenomenon as we might like to believe; stories have always traveled the trade routes. Folklore and fairy tales have always been re-embroidered to fit new contexts, whether in ancient Baghdad, medieval Germany, colonial Mexico, or a Walt Disney animated film of the twentieth century. From American Indian stories of Coyote the trickster, to West African stories of Anansi, or Aesop's fables, our stories have always given us common ground.

I walked outside today in sandals and a dress, my feet looking little and graceful, my hair swaying with every step, and felt like Dunyazad, a character in Shadow Spinner by Susan Fletcher, one of my favorite books. The book focuses on a girl named Marjan, and how she helps Shahrazad collect stories to tell the Sultan for 1,001 Nights. Each chapter begins with a brief section called Lessons for Life and Storytelling, each of which relate to the content of the book, but which also really do give wonderful advice. I was re-reading a few today, and realized the extent to which I remembered these pieces of wisdom from when I first read the book when I was twelve, and the extent to which they have actually influenced the way I think about life and storytelling. One of my favorites is this:

When you're telling a story, you can suggest things that would get you in trouble if you were just stating your own opinion. And you can suggest even more if you wrap one tale inside another. So if you're telling a tale about a merchant, and the merchant tells a tale about a barber, and the barber tells a tale about a fisherman... Well, inside the fisherman's tale you can put the most provoking and mutinous truths. Because the tale is so far removed from you.

Another that made a deep impression is this:
There's more than one way to be crippled. I don't mean that you can have a crippled foot or a crippled knee or a crippled hand. I mean you can be crippled in your heart. You can store up all your rage at someone, which can weigh down on your heart and twist it into a weird shape until you're always aching underneath. After awhile, you get used to the ache. You forget what it's like not to ache. You forget that you're aching at all.

Reading this the first time, I had a little petty 'hatred' of a girl in middle school, like everyone does, I'm sure, and I recognized that such a feeling would only poison me. This passage became even more important as I got older, as worse things happened, as people hurt me in ways I hadn't known it was possible to hurt. I realized that I couldn't hold onto negative feelings, that letting another person's actions eat away at me so much only made me constantly ache. Becoming stuck in a moment, recalling days of beauty now mixed with incredible and incredulous grief, only made me bitter. I never want emotional pain to define me, or to be so entrenched in me that I forget how much I hurt. Knowing this has allowed me to let go of things, even things that are hard to let go of. I think at times remembering this passage has helped me to put away the past, or at least to take the sting out of it, to quit yelling at God for making me hurt so much. We must realize that it is within our own power to heal.

Finally, this one:
There are many different worlds inside a city. The world of the rich and the world of the beggars. The world of men and the world behind the veil. The worlds of Muslims and of Christians and of Jews. All the worlds touch at the bazaar. And the other place where they touch is in stories. Shahrazad crossed borders all the time, telling tales of country women and Bedouin sheikhs, of Jewish doctors and Christian brokers, of India and China, and the lands of the jinn. If we don't share our stories-- trading them across our borders as freely as spices and ebony and silk-- we will all be strangers forever.

Never keep your stories to yourself. Remember, with our thoughts we make the world.

(photo by Peonies and Polaroids)

Observations

2010-04-22T15:59:00.000-07:00

At this time next week I will have finished classes. Forever, at least at William and Mary. It's odd, after five years. I'm so close I can count on my fingers the number of assignments left to complete. A short paper about eighteenth-century Shakespeare and one about Shakespearean dramaturgy, a 10-minute presentation on Virginia Bright Leaf tobacco, a final paper for Race Relations and my independent study. Just a few more books to get through, then--

Thesis. There's always that. I can't say that I dread it, though, or that it's even a hardship, something else to 'get through.' I'm looking forward to it. I'm hoping for long summer and autumn days of reading and writing, soaked in Garrick, provincial theatre in the colonies and England, everything eighteenth-century. And after that, creative historical projects! I already have plans for my focus. I just can't decide if I want to do a biography, a' la Amanda Foreman, or fiction.

Poems happened yesterday! They just happened. I got out a sheet of notebook paper and a pen, and there they were, like they had been waiting. I remember now, that I can't write poems on the computer, that opening a word document does nothing for me when I want a poem. They aren't exactly great poems, yet, but they happened which is more than I can say about the past eight months. One of them makes me smile. One of them needs work, but was self-conscious enough to comment on its own need for alteration. Sometimes writing knows what it needs more than the author. Sometimes writing tells the author what she needs. I would like to do a poetry cycle with characters. That might be fun. I should also probably try to incorporate forms again. A bit of discipline usually yields better results when I first start out on these creative writing ventures, though the free form at least stretched my creative writing muscles.

I want to get back into photography, too. I wish I had access to a darkroom again, but that seems like a pipe dream, so I've asked for a digital SLR camera, instead of film. I miss photography so much. I've been trying to be artistic with the little snapshot camera I have, but only one shot has turned out the way I wanted.

On another note, I got a call back about the position in CW that I want and they conducted a phone interview with me while I was at the Leafe decompressing from Race Relations... good thing I was in Improvisational Theatre! I think I did ok, no idea when I'll find out for certain. Although, a full-time job while thesising may be too stressful, and they want me to commit for seven years... I really do not want to still be here in seven years. It might be better to find some type of part-time retail job. We'll see. I would like my eighteenth-century clothes back.

Today in the grad lounge I looked around and realized only one of the people I was laughing with would be here next year. Times are changing again.

Young Love!

2010-04-19T17:46:00.000-07:00

In Nunes House, at ASE, for some reason our catchphrase became, "Young love!" We called each other young lovers, said things like, "You are the love of my youth," and generally knew that Flat 5's motto was "Young love!" I don't even know how it started, but I do know that Flat 5-- and Nunes House in general-- became the love of my youth :). And this weekend, I got to have a mini-Flat 5 reunion (minus Danielle, sadly)!

It kicked off on Friday when Zan and I played mini-golf! I have been dying to go mini-golfing, and Friday was sunny and warm, so off we went! We played the Blackbeard's Challenge Course, rather badly, but it was fun. He beat me, 53 to 54, but we were both waaaay over par so it didn't really matter. Also, we both cheated on a few holes, so it's hard to tell who actually won. Zan did get a hole-in-one, though, so I think he must actually be the winner. At any rate, we had a great time and made fun of the little plaques telling us about Blackbeard's life (which would make a hilariously anti-climatic movie) and I can't wait to go again to play the Captain's Course!

Then Saturday was Shea's bridal shower in D.C. I drove up Saturday morning, stopped by home for lunch with my parents, then drove to the party. It was absolutely lovely. Brooke, Shea's maid-of-honor, had put together a veritable buffet of delicious food and drink, we played a 'toilet paper wedding dress' game (Alli, Molly, and my creation won first place!), watched a slideshow of Shea's life up to now, and then Shea opened presents. I forgot to wrap mine... so it was in a Target bag. Whoops! But she loved it anyways. The middle-aged ladies at the party were hilarious-- every time Shea opened cookware or linens they groaned. But finally, when Shea opened her present from Margaux (who is in France) they were super excited! Margaux, of course, sent lingerie. I'm saving that gift for the bachelorette party, but the women couldn't stop going on about how Margaux had spiced up the party from an ocean away! One of them even said, "Without Margaux, this party would have been D-U-L-L DULL!" So funny.

After the party, Shea, Alli, and I went back to my house. I was so excited to see Alli-- I literally haven't seen her since I got on the train to leave Bath for the last time. We had so much to catch up on. We got dressed up, ascertained that we indeed had Bailey's and champagne for later that night, then we decided to go to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner. NO JOKE: our waiter's name was Rufio!!! RU-FI-O! I had so much trouble not saying that every time he came by the table. Anyways, we had a lovely meal, then stopped by Giant for some magazines and Snicker's bars, and made our way back to my house. We then spent the evening drinking the aforementioned liquor, eating Snicker's, reading our magazines, and watching Knocked Up. Perfect. Young love!

The next morning, Kay came over and made us strawberry pancakes! They were fantastic!!! And I loved getting to see Kay, if only for a very short while. I drove back here later that morning, spent the afternoon doing some laundry and cleaning my room, had dinner with Kacey, then saw SITD's The Tempest with Zan!

Overall, a wonderful weekend spent with some wonderful people!

Sartorial Surprise

2010-04-15T17:57:00.000-07:00

I just spent the last few hours going through my closet and... damn, I have some really pretty clothes. I have about a thousand dresses, nine-hundred and ninety-eight of which I forgot I owned until tonight. I also have a bunch of new dresses, as I've gone on a bit of a dress-buying kick this spring. I have a cute polka dot dress, which looks so 1950s, a Venetian lace dress I haven't worn in years, a strawberry-covered sundress, an all black dress Kay gave me last year which for some reason fits better now, a new blue jersey dress which looks so much like I belong at the seaside, a new wrap dress that I bought at Target (it's light green, so most likely Kay will want it), and some great shirts which match up to these two silk 'petticoat' skirts that I bought over Winter Break, but haven't gotten to wear (they still have tags). I also have some nice accessories-- shoes, hats, earrings. I found two pairs of high-heels I had nearly forgotten I owned, discovered that my new sandals match EVERY dress/skirt that I have, and noticed that my Christmas necklace looks perfect with a white shirt and my burgundy skirt. I have a veritable treasure chest of clothing options.

It's important that I remember this, you see, because whenever I think about my clothing I think, "I have nothing to wear." I start imagining the impossible opulence of the clothing in period dramas which I love, and then of course I feel like nothing I have measures up to that greatness. Then, I decide I need to go shopping, but I hate paying a lot of money for clothes, so I end up buying something for $12.59 at Target or on clearance at Old Navy, get home, realize it doesn't look like it would be featured on The Tudors, and then have shoppers remorse and think I should save my money so I can buy one really great item. It's a bit like If You Give A Mouse A Cookie. This happens about once every two weeks during season changes (from Winter to Spring/Summer clothes, from Summer clothes to Fall/Winter clothes).

But... I'm actually feeling good after this closet cleaning. I'm also realizing that I never have to wear jeans again if I don't want to, which makes me rather happy. Not that I don't love wearing jeans, because I do, but I'm really, really in a skirt/dress mood this month and for the foreseeable future. It's nice to feel like I have that option. :)

I'm excited about getting dressed tomorrow!

Give me to a rambling man

2010-04-12T17:07:00.000-07:00

Zan has gone up to D.C. for the next couple of days to Shakespeare! He is meeting up with Rick Blunt, and they are going to help out Allison with some workshops for her class. All three of these people are wonderful, talented, and downright amazing, so no doubt they will give awesome workshops! Everyone wish them the best and break a leg!

Meanwhile, tonight was my traditional Monday dinner with Laura, and it was so much fun. We went to Retro's, because they finally have Spring Hours posted which means they close at 9:00 instead of 6:00. I do love me some chili cheese fries, and the evening was sunset-y and cool and free, so we drove over to New Town for some Maggie Moo's ice cream to finish off the meal. Everything here in Williamsburg has become so much more colorful in the past week and a half. Flowers are in full bloom, pink, yellow, ivory, purple, red, and the trees have gotten so green and the sky so blue. The sun just shines in and in and in while I read, and feels bright on my skin when I walk outside. Today, I smelled my first whiff of newly mowed grass this spring. So sweet-smelling, like warmth and life, in the scent you can almost see the green.

Today I also began applying for jobs for next year, and looking into internships. I've been so diligently counting down to the end of classes that I almost forgot that once they are done, I must needs figure out what next. I applied to one job in CW that I extremely want because it would entail wearing colonial clothes and is eligible for benefits, and I've found a few internships that I would like to apply for in various cities, and I've narrowed down a list of retail stores in this area where it might be fun to work. After my thesis is complete, perhaps then I can really think about an MFA program.

In other news, I'm trying to get back into creative writing, but I'm not sure the direction I want to go. Zan and I are working on a children's book project, which is fun, but I would like to get back into some more serious writing, too. I feel like I haven't written anything in ages. I suppose, in one sense, I write things nearly everyday, whether on this blog or (most often) for a class :). But I would so desperately like to remember what its like to feel words in my head that weave themselves into something beautiful or frightening, whether a narrative or a poem or a picture. Even a moment in words would be something. I'll keep trying.

Today, inside I am joyful.

Procrastinating

2010-04-11T08:05:00.000-07:00

The weather outside is lovely, so I considered going to the Grind to read, but before I start reading either Tobacco Culture or Early Stuart Masques, I should write my paper about Renaissance textual construction, reconstruction, and collaboration. But with the weather so nice, I don't want to. But when I go outside I feel guilty. I considered going for a run, but that would take a lot of time. A lot of time that I'm currently wasting writing a blog post. It's a vicious circle.

Today I have: woken up, burned some mixed CDs and labeled them, walked outside, gone to Blair to pick up some books about Charles James Fox and the Whigs from my mailbox, gone to Wawa for coffee and a donut, watched half an episode of Gilmore Girls, considered going to Target to buy flip-flops and pens, read my friend Pete's blog, paid a bill, and started a word document titled "Texts, Folios, Constructions, and Reconstructions." Maybe next I'll take a shower. Or watch this Youtube video again.

I should really just buckle down and write this paper. There are only three weeks left of school, though (EVER! Unless I go for an MFA or a PhD), and I just... really don't want to. Three weeks is basically nothing, but... how much nicer would it be to go to Swem, check out A Lover's Discourse or The Golden Compass, get a large iced tea at the Grind, find a seat in the shade, and read to my heart's content?

EDIT at 2:01 PM: Paper complete! Hooray! And I bought new pens at Barnes and Noble!

Reading Like Breathing

2010-04-07T08:24:00.000-07:00

Kay once said that graduate school has made me read so much it has become second nature to me, like breathing. I'm beginning to feel this is true. This weekend I read all about Guatemala post-1954. On Monday I wrote a paper about Guatemalan multiculturalism, an exhibit label about tobacco advertising, read three articles for Material Culture, started to read for my independent study, and wrote a precis on an article called "Catering to Consumerism: Associated American Artists and the Marketing of Modern Art, 1934-1958." I really enjoyed this article: it felt a little bit like I was back in an American Studies or LCST class. For anyone interested in the artistic style of regionalism or of how modern art became a consumer commodity, I highly recommend this article. It's by Erika Doss.

I am now moving on to read all about Renaissance folios and quartos (tangent: at trivia last Tuesday I rocked the ‘Renaissance category’—10/10!). I've found these readings extremely interesting, especially a book called Textual Intercourse: Collaboration, Authorship, and Sexualities in Renaissance Drama. It had a lot of literary and cultural theory built into it, which I have been sorely missing, while still remaining a viable history book (in my opinion). James Masten, the author, seemed to tread a fine line without overstepping too much. I didn't even realize how much I missed these kinds of texts, but it was nice to challenge my brain with material that I enjoy.

I do read other things, though, besides history. I try to always carry around a book for fun, whether a book that is my friend, such as The Alchemist or one of the Betsy-Tacy books, or a book of poetry, which I can read for just a minute if I need a moment of calm and insight.

I also started making a summer reading list, and I have a few fun books such as the His Dark Materials series, At Swim-Two-Birds, and perhaps some more Coehlo, or maybe some Masters of Rome. I also put on some Barthes (because I love S/Z and really want to read more), Foucault (because I should since I'm a history masters student... but ugh), a few plays I've been meaning to read, and maybe some film studies books. Of course, this will be in between reading for and writing my thesis.

Now, however, in honor of spring and the fact that all I do is read, I would like to share with you my very favorite poem, next to perhaps “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” by T.S. Eliot. This poem is by Rumi, a thirteenth-century Sufi mystic poet. I first heard this poem read aloud slowly, and it made a very deep impression. In a very simple, fundamental way, to me it conveys everything about the nature of romantic love. Read it aloud, listen to the silence after your voice falls away. Take a moment to fully understand, to feel it.

Come to the orchard in spring.
There is light and wine, and lovers
in the pomegranate.

If you do not come, these do not matter.
If you do come, these do not matter.

.

Happy Easter and a Merry New Month!

2010-04-04T17:50:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter! It’s been a very nice weekend, slow, relaxing. Saturday morning I had coffee and donuts with Zan and Mike at the apartment. Saturday evening I had dinner with Stephen, since we only have four weeks left of living together. We want to make the most of our roomie-time. Then I got to hang out with Kacey. We had a few drinks at the Leafe, which was great since I see so little of her these days. On Saturday I also stopped by the farmers market where I bought a bouquet of daffodils, which are still beautifully yellow and fresh looking. Today I ran by Trader Joe’s and saw that they had so much fresh fruit and so many bouquets and I thought, "I just want to surround myself with fruit and flowers; what I wouldn’t give to hold a happy, colorful bouquet while enjoying fresh strawberries and sunshine, to have no cares beyond that moment."

Easter morning was lovely. I went to the 10:00 service in the Bruton Parish Churchyard, like I have done every year since starting at W&M, except when I was abroad. This year, though, was by far the loveliest. The weather was absolutely perfect, the churchyard was crowded, and everyone seemed in love with life. Other than a rather weak chorus of “Jesus Christ is Risen Today,” everything was perfect. Elijah and Maggie were there, and I got a limeade with Jessica around lunchtime.

Plus, with the weather so nice, I got to wear my new white sundress. I love it. I have always loved white dresses, but never actually owned one until now. It’s silly, but ever since I was little and saw the trailer for The Secret of Roan Inish, I’ve had this image of running into the ocean in a white dress. It seems like the epitome of freedom. Every year we would vacation on Captiva Island, and I used to imagine myself getting up at sunrise, before anyone else was on the beach, before my parents were awake, and running into the surf to greet the day. Part of this desire, I’m sure, stems from my love of the ocean. While I’ve never run into it in a white dress, I have run into it fully clothed several times just out of sheer joy, a kind of delightful madness that envelopes me whenever I’m near the sea. I love looking out to the horizon, I love hearing the waves and the way they make the seashells sing. I love how it makes me feel so small, but part of something so immense. It has been months since I’ve seen the ocean, and I miss it.

Of course, Easter afternoon was filled with reading (big surprise!) for Comparative Race Relations. We read about human rights atrocities in Guatemala this week, so… less than cheery stuff. I have so much reading this week. I spent an hour and a half making copies of books for my independent study, plus I have articles for Material Culture and books which I have to read, but didn’t have to copy. My heart sinks just looking at it, but it will get done! Luckily, most of it is for my independent study, so hopefully I will at least enjoy the hours and hours I put into reading in the next few days. And only four more weeks left of classes!

Happy Easter, happy spring, happy renewal, happy April!

Who Will Be Strong and Stand With Me?

2010-04-02T08:51:00.000-07:00

This is just a short note to say how proud I am of my dad. ICBA Convention was held a few weeks ago in Orlando, FL, and this is his amazing, amazing speech. The song he talks about is "Do You Hear the People Sing?" from Les Miserables.

The sentiments he evokes are his principles both for community banks and for how he lives his personal life. He is strong, independent, and fights for what he believes in in every aspect of his life. And he encourages me to live the same way.

My heart stood up and sang

2010-03-31T10:08:00.000-07:00

(Alternate Title: Out Like A Lamb)

Outside today is blue and clear and sunny. I want to spend all day outside, reveling in the air, breathing in the day. March is ending at long, long last and the world seems to know it. I am not sure if April can be crueller than March; at least it promises sunny days and an end to classes, if nothing else. One thing I have learned, though, is that life will continue to be unpredictable. Another thing I have learned is that I am tenacious. In A Farewell to Arms Hemingway wrote, "The world breaks us all. Afterward, some are stronger at the broken places." I have felt on the edge of a precipice this month, constantly teetering, scared of falling, and the cold March winds haven't helped. But, I realized that over the past year-- the past years-- I have grown resolute within myself. All the places I have been broken, I have grown stronger. I know who I am, what I want, what I am capable of doing. I'm not stone, though, and the soft rains and warm sun of April are a welcome change from the tumultuous, terrified, battered feelings of March.

I feel as if something is calming, and what was will now be peaceful.

Here, have some music! I think these music videos are beautiful.

Sphinx The Wasp-Killer

2010-03-29T05:48:00.000-07:00

For about three days, a wasp hid himself in my study, appearing sometimes flying near my lamp, at other times climbing on my desk chair. I lived in fear. Then yesterday morning, I walked into my study to find that Sphinx, oh great one, had defeated the wasp. I imagine it must have been an epic battle between cat and insect-- each pulling their best moves to intimidate the other-- ending with the wasp sneaking up behind Sphinx who then, quick as lightening, raised his paw and smashed it to a cold death on the floor. I guess he then carried it next to his food bowl to show me in the morning. I could not be prouder of my cat, ridding my study of the tyrannical wasp and his reign of terror.

Otherwise, life continues on in a good direction. I wrote a five-page paper yesterday and read lots of The Blood of Guatemala at the apartment. Have to do a ton more stuff for Race Relations and Material Culture today, but oh well.

On Thursday I spent an hour and a half waiting in line at Chipotle with Mike and Zan in order to get a free burrito. Let me tell you, it was totally worth it. They even put on guacamole for free. Omg, I love guacamole so much. Seriously. In Bath, Shea used to make a huge bowl of it at a time so we almost never went without it in our flat. Yum. Then on Saturday, we had the graduate student open house where we welcomed prospective grads. They all seemed very nice and enthusiastic, but my favorite part of the day was simply catching up with some of my friends who I haven't seen much of this semester.

In other news, I got a pair of green high-top converse, because in an episode of Torchwood Gwen wears a pair. Not gonna lie, I feel a little badass wearing them, as if fighting the supernatural in Cardiff is my life mission. Continuing the British theme, yesterday Zan and I spent thirty minutes sitting in my parked car listening to BBC Radio 1 because Billie Piper was doing the BBC Radio 1 Road Trip, in which she discussed her new show, Secret Diary of a Call Girl, and reminisced about her time on Doctor Who, and played us three of her favorite songs. The first choice was "I Gave You All" by Mumford and Sons. I'm beginning to really like Billie Piper-- at least she has good taste in music.

I have also recently rediscovered my love of plum wine. :)

Despite the rain today, life feels (mostly) bright.

A spark of the divine

2010-03-27T06:12:00.000-07:00

I was really no good at physics. Newton went beyond me, although Einstein I understood (I'll put that down to being related to him by marriage). And even though I had to work so hard in that class to try to figure anything out, it fascinated me. I loved the ideas and the concepts.

We learned that we are all made of stardust. That something in my physical make-up, something in everyone's physical make-up, is the same as something in the sun. The moth has something in it that is made of fire.

The poetry of the concept makes it worthwhile. Humanity, metaphorically and sometimes literally, aspires towards the stars and yet, we are made of stars. It's really quite hopeful, almost vindicating us for pursuing our passions even though we have such a slim chance of success in so many of our endeavors.

I've been thinking a lot about conceptualizations of earth and time in the past week. Last night Zan and I watched the pilot of DS9, and part of it takes place within a wormhole where time is non-linear. From my meager physics knowledge, I know that time actually is non-linear, but instead is an illusion that shapes our reality. What happens now happened long ago and will happen again and will never stop happening, because time doesn't work the way it seems to work. Dimensions, the fluidity, of space, time, and movement... we live in an illusory world, but we live it as reality.

Additionally, I've spent the past week reading about Renaissance occult practices, John Dee, Cornelius Agrippa, astronomy/astrology, alchemy, theurgy, Hermeticism, and Cabala, and how (in one interpretation) the end goal of it all was, in a sense, the extreme logical end of humanism. Humanism, which sought to raise up man on a civic level, to glorify in a new individualism (to put it extremely succinctly), became in occult practices a means by which humanity learned everything to the outer limits of reason. No knowledge could be forbidden. The occult sought to perfect man in God's image, to commune with angels. John Dee believed that within every human dwelt a spark of the divine, and in a prelapsarian world we had godlike powers, perfect knowledge, and through his practices he believed that humankind had a chance to unite with the Creator on this earth, in this life. Though within this realm existed heretical beliefs and an ever-present consciousness of black magic (goetia), for most practitioners, the thirst for knowledge, not magic, drove them to learn about natural powers.

Whether or not you agree that their practices truly led them to experience things outside of this world, whether or not you imagine what life might lie in other dimensions or other galaxies, whether or not you believe magic exists, you must respect humanity's desire to understand itself and the world, a quest without limits.

We are all made of stardust; we all aspire towards the secrets of the Heavens and Hell.

Let me not outlive my own capacity to love

2010-03-21T10:20:00.000-07:00

This past Friday I drove up to NoVA to see Kay's new show, Metamorphoses, by Mary Zimmerman. The play was superb. Seriously, I couldn't believe how well-acted, well-directed, and how beautifully staged it was. Kay was gorgeous and wonderful, as I knew she would be, but overall the play is an ensemble piece, and I thought the interactions between cast members and the fact that they never lost sight of the story they were telling really made the evening. Losing sight of the story would be easy, since they have a large pool to play in, but the water never became the focus. Instead, the myths, the human condition, and overall, the way love works in our lives remained central.

At the end of the play, a husband and wife are given a choice of any favor the gods can grant them. They ask to die at the same moment, so as not to ever stop loving, so as to die loving, and so never to die.

It made me think a lot about love, and how lucky I am to have been surrounded by it during my life. The past weekend really reinforced it, as I had dinner before the show with Kay, Brian, and Mike J., and realized how incredibly dear these three people are to me. We can make fun of each other and tell off-color jokes and underneath it all there is such deep love and perfect comfort. I have the love of my parents, too, who always listen to me, who give me good advice, and who will never, ever forsake me. I have the best cousin the world, Josh, who is one of my closest friends. I have Kacey, and Megan A., and Shea, so many people here in Williamsburg who I love and who love me. I have friends in Richmond, and friends from Missouri, and friends who now live across the globe. Although we are so far apart and so rarely see each other, I don't know what I would do without their friendship and love.

Yesterday I got to see where Zan lives. It was absolutely beautiful and the day was perfect. We played with sheep and dogs and tossed a coin about where to eat for lunch which ended up not mattering at all and caravaned to Williamsburg with the windows down and music playing. I got to have dinner with Kacey, who I have really missed. It's been a busy semester and we haven't seen nearly enough of each other. I played Star Trek Scene-It with Zan, Mike, and Cole and somehow managed to win even though I only answered one question correctly (hell, yes, Genesis Cave). :)

And the sun is out. I am wearing my yellow dress that I bought in Bath to herald the spring, and my new sky-blue t-strap flats. I had a picnic lunch on the Sunken Gardens today and texted Shea how much I wanted an ice lolly like they sold in the park across from Nunes. I ate fresh strawberries, so sweet they don't even need to be sugared.

Isn't this all love, in some sense? Sometimes, I feel so down and afraid and I feel as if the world is a dark grey, but then I begin to think of these things. God-willing, I shall never forget how pervasive love is in a single life, nor how important, and I shall never stop loving, and so never die.

EDIT: And then I got chocolate-covered strawberries! And Zan and I went for a walk in CW! And Journey "Don't Stop Believin'" is 28 on Britain's top 30! Could life get any better?

Feel It Turn

2010-03-18T16:17:00.000-07:00

The world seems to be righting itself, and I couldn't be happier. Things have been looking up since Monday. First of all, the weather has been gorgeous and in the high 60s, which always improves my mood. Even when it was slightly rainy on Monday it was ok, because it was a warm spring rain so I went outside barefoot and danced around and loved everything about life for ten minutes. And the evening just kept getting better as I got to hang out with Mike and Zan. Monday's have become Star Wars night at the apartment, so we watched Revenge of the Sith and can now finally get to the good movies starting this coming Monday. However, Annie made an excellent chip dip, and we had Trader Joe's Indian food, so I was happy. Then, I had to write a paragraph about planting with a hoe (for class) and Mike wrote a hilarious paragraph playing on the use of the word "hoe," and at the the end of the evening Mike drove me home. :)

Then Tuesday was just amazing all around! In the afternoon, I got to plant tobacco with my Material Culture class. It was very different than I expected-- we were seeding tobacco, and the seeds are very small, so we had to mix it in with an agent (ash) and then lightly sprinkle it over the seed bed, then press it down with our feet. It was fun to feel the earth and to feel like I was good for something other than reading. After that, we hoed. It was hard work, but I could smell spring in the ground. Sometimes I really think I'm far more suited to occupational work than academic work, at least eighteenth-century style. I never feel happier than after a good day in the colonial kitchens or after being outside gardening. Overall, the class left me feeling content with life.

THEN, I got to go see the ASC touring company's performance of The Knight of the Burning Pestle with Zan and Mike. We sat on the stage, and though at first I was hesitant to do so, I loved it. We got to have a spontaneous dance party with the actors pre-show, and I waltzed (box-stepped?) with the guy playing Luce's dad/Rafe's Squire. The show itself was fantastic-- I had neither seen nor read it (though I imagine reading it would be quite difficult). I felt as if I had a new appreciation for the theatrical style, given all of my readings for my independent study. It was Andrew Gurr come to life, hats and all :). Caroline and Rachel were at the show, too, and I hadn't seen either of them in ages, so it was nice to catch up. And AFTER the show I got to meet Rick Blunt for the first time, a man about whom I've heard so much. We all went back to the apartment, had a few beers, pizzas, talked, laughed, and watched an episode of the British The Office.

Yesterday was slightly less red-letter, as I had Comparative Race Relations, a headache, and to prepare for my colloquium (there was some Torchwood and Sal's, though, which helped) but today was again great! I had my colloquium this morning and passed with flying colors! I don't have to really think about my thesis again until this summer! Hooray! And at work I actually had work to do, which makes the time go so much faster, and then I had my independent study, which I love! Plus, I found an excellent craft website: http://www.cutoutandkeep.net

I think Mike and I are going to try to make some Green Tea Cupcakes from a recipe on that site. And tomorrow I get to go home, see Kay's show, hang out with Mike J., and continue a great week!

Something, Something

2010-03-13T12:10:00.000-08:00

This post has no plan. It just feels like Spring out today. I spent the morning wandering the grounds of the Governor's Palace listening to The Secret Garden. I feel lost today. Something isn't right and I don't know how to fix it and I don't even know if it's fixable. Shea came up to Williamsburg and we got lunch and then ice cream and we ate it outside. We went to Target and I got a cute little headband from the dollar section with white flowers on it. Then we talked about book series we like and she gave me ideas of books I should read once I have a chance.

Seven more weeks of school. My colloquium will soon be scheduled for Thursday, if a room is open, and then I can forget about my thesis until summer. I have no motivation to do anything at all. Seven weeks, I think. I should put forth my best effort. Seven weeks, I think. Who even cares at this point, especially with Spring in the air and life to be lived? I've been in school since I was six years old, and now I only have seven weeks left and I just want to give up in favor of sunshine, and stupid books read for fun, and frivolities. It's been a very serious past few weeks and I just want some levity.

Fun with Manuscripts (and Folios)!

2010-03-11T06:40:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I got to spend the afternoon with the wonderful, fabulous, amazing Carter Hailey at the equally outstanding Folger Shakespeare Library! With Carter's generous help and a letter of recommendation from my adviser, Prof. Whittenburg, I now have a reader card and reader privileges at the Folger through the beginning of July. I AM SO EXCITED!!! I metro-ed into D.C. yesterday for my first Folger reading day, and can I just say that I love the eighteenth-century even more now? Was that even possible???

First, I got there, filled out a little form, got my reader card, got a short orientation from the librarian, then Carter showed me where the computers were to use Hamnet to look up materials. Mostly I needed manuscripts, and for those there are special cards you fill out, and then the librarian sends someone to the vaults to get the items you requested. I knew they had lots of Garrick playbills, but I actually haven't even looked at those yet-- I had no idea how many Garrick manuscripts they had! His promptbook of Hamlet is restricted, so I may have to content myself with the microfilm of that, but they had an entire volume called David Garrick: Verses, Epilogues, and Prologues. When the librarian handed it to me I was certain it was a print book and was a little confused, but when I opened it, it turned out to be a scrapbook. Tons of handwritten pages were pasted in-- and they were funny and touching and amazing! It just gives one such a sense of closeness to touch a page that Garrick himself touched. To see his signature, to almost know what he was thinking as he scratches through a phrase and changes his wording. There was Garrick's handwritten prologue to Harlequin Invasion and some songs, one about a fish, randomly enough, and poems to him and by him. Some of it was difficult to decipher, as anyone who's ever studied eighteenth-century handwriting knows, (really, I need a paleography class), but still so much fun. I even got to read an entirely handwritten copy of The Jubilee!!!

Perhaps some of my favorite bits were the two poems to Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire. I do love her so. And apparently, Garrick was fond of her, also. Which makes him go up in my esteem :). Oh, there were some written gems! My favorite new insult is "You Jack-Bite Hussey!" ::Eighteenth century love::

I was reading next to Carter, who was working with a first folio of Shakespeare's works. 'Tis a very, very old book. He let me turn a few pages, just so I could say I touched a first folio! His work focuses more on the paper of the book than on the content, and honestly it looks very complicated but very interesting. He is a patient man, flipping through every piece. He taught me how to look at the way the book was bound, and showed me some of the watermarks in the paper.

After the Folger closed, we went to the Hawk and Dove for a drink, and got to catch up a bit. We talked about our projects, and our future plans, and generally had a great time. Then, once I got home, Kay and Brian came over with cheesecake and tiramisu and we watched another episode of The Tudors!

Overall, the best day of Spring Break so far. And perhaps, the most exciting day of thesising!

Paradoxes

2010-03-08T18:56:00.000-08:00

(Though dated on Monday, this post was actually uploaded on Wednesday, March 10th, 2010)

You know what? Sometimes life can suck, and sometimes it can be really wonderful, and sometimes these things can happen all at the same time. Sometimes you want to bury yourself under the sheets and sometimes you want to dance with joy simultaneously. Sometimes you want to laugh and cry at the same moment for very different reasons and sometimes these play out in moments of tender and harsh beauty.

I'm home now. I got to see Josh yesterday and on Sunday, which was great, and I got to see Kay and Brian, too. We had this fantastic home-made-tasting ice cream from a little place within walking distance from her house. I had wonderful, bright conversations with all three of them. I had an x-ray for my tooth, and an appointment to check my eyes. I wrote a paper about late Elizabethan London as illumined by Stanley Wells, Constance Brown Kuriyama, and James Shapiro. I've done a few loads of laundry. I went shopping with my mom. I watched a documentary about Eddie Izzard. I've slept and slept and it's been lovely.

What I haven't done much of is reading, even though I promised myself I would... oops. I brought all of my books home and put them next to my bed, but so far I've all but neglected them. I've read 1.1 of Ben Jonson's The Alchemist. But today I might get to go into the Folger, or if not today I might get to come back in a few weekends to go to the Folger!

A few days ago, I looked through my bookshelves and my eyes alighted on In Summer by Jeremy Jackson. I don't know if I've written about this book before, but I bought it on sale at Barnes and Noble just before my freshman year of college. The story is about a boy named Leo Peery and the summer he has just after graduating from high school. It's a terrible summer. But also a beautiful summer. He lives in the Midwest, and the books feels like the Midwest. It feels like Jefferson City, sitting by the pool, going to the County Fair, driving around late at night in the muggy heat. It feels like deep, life-altering sadness and awe-inspiring love-- not just romantic. The story is simple, deceptively so. He inadvertently hurts people, people hurt him, millions of things go wrong, and in their going wrong, one thing goes perfectly.

My favorite image from the book is peaches. E.B takes a ripe peach, puts it in boiling water, then ice water, then covers it in lemon juice and brown sugar and bakes it. I do that. I use mine as crepe filling. It tastes and smells like summer.

I don't think I realized until just recently how fleshed out the characters are, how strong they are, and how poignantly written. It's a wonderfully jubuliant and frighteningly sad book. For all of its complexities, hurts, and mishaps, something in it rings true and sublime.

Somehow, it's happy.

Remember, spring swaps snow for leaves

2010-03-05T06:24:00.000-08:00

So, I'm at the Reves Center, but as soon as I'm done here, it's Spring Break! I'm not doing anything particularly exciting-- just going back home for a few days-- but I cannot even explain how necessary getting out of Williamsburg and away from life is at the moment. Lately life has been miserable in almost all (but not entirely all) respects, and between personal things and having four papers due in the midst of personal things I've been sleeping MAYBE six hours a night (oh, hello insomnia!) and living almost solely off of saltine crackers and peanut butter. Not very healthy. Mike said it looks like I've lost weight, and I don't think he meant that in a positive way.

One of the few good things this whole week has been a wonderful, wonderful conversation with my dad. We don't really talk that often, but I called him on Tuesday because he always reminds me who I am, where I come from, and gives me strength. And we had the best conversation I can remember having with him in a really long time. After I hung up the phone I just wanted to thank God for letting me have a father who really loves me.

Anyways, I'm going home. I'm going to sleep for days, get massive amounts of reading done, lose myself in studying, hopefully go to the Folger, and, most importantly, surround myself with people who love me. I cannot wait to see Kay-- we have big plans to watch The Tudors and maybe have an Anne of Green Gables night (thank you to my friend Laura for that suggestion!). I'm probably going to go shopping with my mom, and possibly figure out a way to buy plane tickets to Disney for the weekend after Spring Break.

Last night, I realized that Disney World is my "home." I was asked, in regards to where I considered home, where I felt safe and as if nothing in the world could get me. My first thought was "Anywhere with Emily Van Zandt," followed by "Anywhere with Kay," then I thought-- Disney World! Specifically, the Beach Club/Boardwalk area and the back entrance way of Epcot. It sounds silly, I know, but that area has been "home" since middle school. For a period of four years I lived in that area for about four weeks a year-- we didn't go more than three months without a trip to Disney World the entire time between 7th-11th grade. I feel safe in Disney, happy in Disney, relaxed, and always I'm with people I love. Sometimes it's my mom and dad, sometimes my best friends. Always, I'm happy.

When I went to England, we had Spring Break at the end of March, and when I came home from Germany little lambs and calves were roaming in the fields that my train to Oxford passed. It was an extremely tangible sign of Spring coming. Yesterday in Williamsburg I could stand in the sun without a winter coat. I hope it means Spring is coming. I need warmth and sunlight.

One final note: in my independent study yesterday I was trying to explain "Hark, A Vagrant" to my professor and he brought up Blackadder! It was great! :)

In Like a Lion

2010-03-01T06:11:00.000-08:00

Welcome to March!

I have finished my thesis chunk and sent it out to my committee, and today I need to write a precis, read a book, read two articles, and write a two-page paper. I could have slightly less work, but yesterday I went to see mainstage's Eurydice and Shakespeare in the Dark's Goodnight, Desdemona, Good Morning, Juliet. I did manage to get a forty-five page article on pipe tomahawks read, however, and the introduction to Marlowe: A Renaissance Life. I just have to get through to Thursday, and then I am heading home for Spring Break! Hopefully I will hear back from the Folger this week so that I can go in and do research while I'm in the DC area.

This promises to be an interesting month, and I hope it goes out much softer than it comes in. Although, today is sunny, so that's a good sign!

(Happy Birthday, Mike!)

Bath, Good Story

2010-02-25T14:22:00.000-08:00

Last night I got to go to the Leafe with Jonathan Hope from ASE, my study abroad program! It was soooo good to see him. Unfortunately, it means that I'm missing England even more now than usual. I got to the Leafe around 8:00 and he was already surrounded by five or so other former ASErs, all eating dinner and drinking pints. I got a pint of Strongbow and sat down to talk, and only at 10:45 did we decide it was time to close up for the night, since Jonathan had to leave quite early this morning.

I met a girl who was in my bed the Fall after I was there-- Nunes House, Flat 5, bed by the window! We all reminisced about our favorite times-- I brought up the Bombfire, the towpath, Mr. D's at night, Adrian Paterson, Andrew Butterworth, and myriad other tiny details... things that I had half forgotten. Everyone else had common memories, speaking of Oxford and our tiny rooms, snow in England, talking to the actors at Stratford-Upon-Avon, pubs we had frequented, and generally everything we had loved. And Jonathan and his wife are expecting a baby!!! And Andy is doing well :). And we might have slightly joshed about Barbara :), but only out of love.

On our last night in Bath, Nunes House went for dinner at a pub called The Slug and Lettuce, and as we were leaving to walk back to Nunes for one of the last times ever Brian commented, "Bath, good story." It really is.

Turn Around Bright Eyes

2010-02-23T06:50:00.000-08:00

Karaoke was so much fun.

Amanda Lee and Anna K. were having a joint birthday party on Saturday, with a dinner at Plaza Azteca and then a night of karaoke at the Hospitality House. I didn't have dinner with everyone, because I needed to read some of Afro-Latin America, and I wasn't planning on staying at karaoke for very long. But once I got there, it was just too much fun to leave. Plus, it gave me an excuse to wear my new pretty Anthropologie dress!

So, I got to the Ho House, walked in, and was immediately greeted by not only my grad student friends, but also with about 20 or so of the past United States Presidents. Apparently some group in town was having a President's Day party. The highlights were when Abe Lincoln sang "Proud to be an American," George Bush Sr. sang "Barbara Ann," Andrew Jackson sang "El Paso," and a plethora of the presidents sang "Love Shack," but changed the words to "White House." The guy dressed as FDR was even in a wheelchair, though I saw him walking around once the dance floor got crowded. Seriously, only in Williamsburg. Most hilarious thing I've seen in awhile.

I sang Carly Simon's "You're So Vain," and later, after Zan and Mike showed up, Zan and I sang "Total Eclipse of the Heart," with Zan doing the "Turn Around Bright Eyes" part. It was alot of fun, even though all I could think of while singing it was the literal version on Youtube. After karaoke ended, the DJ had a bit of a dance party and played some Lady Gaga and "Low," and even though I don't normally dance since I have no sense of rhythm, I did that night.

Karaoke seriously improved my outlook on life. I had forgotten how much fun it is to go out with friends, listen to loud music, act totally silly, and just forget about schoolwork. I have felt almost as light as a bubble since then.

Getting eight pages done on my thesis chunk this weekend helped, too. And writing my Comparative Race Relations response yesterday.

Plus, on Sunday Mike and I made a fantastic Eggplant Parmesan.

Only a few more days until thesis chunk will be over, and less than 2 weeks until Spring Break!

The Dog Days Are Over

2010-02-20T07:43:00.000-08:00

My mind is focused solely on thesis. I live, eat, breathe, sleep, thesis. I look at my readings for my other classes and laugh. Thesis. My goal is to get 10 pages of the 20 done this weekend. I managed to get my readings for my independent study postponed. Thesis. I need to outline it. I have so much knowledge running around in my head, and no plan for how to put it in a usable form. I'm at Blair now, settling into work. I will outline. I will write. I will create a new annotated bibliography. I will finish ten pages by Monday.

And I will eat Mexican food and sing karaoke tonight in an attempt to de-stress myself. I swear I'm wound tighter than a ball of yarn. I'm having nightmares, I'm getting headaches, I'm on the verge of crying all the time. March 4th is my grail. I just have to get to March 4th. Then I can relax... a bit.

A Valentine's Mystery

2010-02-14T06:41:00.000-08:00

I was going to make a new post titled something like, "If music be the food of love, play on," and include links to Youtube videos of my favorite new songs, and perhaps tell you all about the books I've been reading for my thesis, but before I get into that, something exciting happened!

I woke up early this morning because my parent's are in town and I told them I would go get breakfast with them at Cracker Barrel. I got dressed, fed my cat, checked my e-mail, usual routine. And then my mom called to tell me they were here to pick me up, so I grabbed my coat and bag and headed downstairs. All very usual. But as I opened the door to the outside, I saw a big box of chocolates taped to the glass. I peeled away the tape, and there was a note as well! It said, "For A." Inside was a lovely card, filled with the nicest things about me, unsigned. I don't recognize the handwriting, and anyway, it looks as if the author tried to disguise it a little. A Valentine's Mystery. It certainly started off my Valentine's Day in a much more pleasant way than I could have possibly hoped for, given that Sphinx cat is currently my only romantic interest... what a wonderful Valentine's surprise! So, if you are reading this, thank you Secret Valentine!!! ...who could it be?

On another Valentines-ish note, I saw The Young Victoria with my parent's last night. I have long thought that Victoria and Albert have one of the sweetest, saddest love stories, and while the movie itself was actually pretty happy, I found myself sobbing when he said, "When we are old, and surrounded by our children..." The curse of a history major/masters student. Anyways, if you haven't seen it, go see The Young Victoria! I will even go with you, if you are near me and have no one else to see it with!

As to the original post that I had planned, here, have some good music! Just type in the titles on Youtube!!! These songs supplement the songs that I told you all to listen to in my other post. Such as Marina and the Diamonds "Hollywood," and Florence and the Machine "The Dog Days." Also, I hope you all have kept up with your Mumford and Sons, because their album comes out on TUESDAY!!! Currently I'm addicted to the song "Winter Winds." But here are some more artists who I am currently loving.

Laura Marling: "Devil's Spoke," "My Manic and I," "Goodbye England"
Sam Sparro: "Black and Gold"
The Weepies: "Gotta Have You," "Painting by Chagall,"

I'm especially enamoured of Laura Marling, at the moment. The video for "My Manic and I" is very reminiscent of Alice in Wonderland and quite creepy but beautiful.

Finally, for those of you still reading this long post, I have read SO MUCH about David Garrick in the past two days. I have read Shakespeare and Garrick front to back, I have read the hundred or so pages dedicated to performance in Pleasures of the Imagination, and I'm working my way through David Garrick: A Critical Biography. And today I get to go to the library to check out even more books! Thesis chunk here I come!!!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Some days are fine, some a little bit harder

2010-02-08T14:11:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling very overwhelmed. I feel like I'm reading and reading and working and working and getting nowhere. I finish a book, but it's not enough. I still have two other classes to read for and a thesis chunk I'm supposed to be working on. I have an article about Global Friends due on Thursday for my stipend internship. I have a presentation due Wednesday, a paper due Thursday, and somehow, somehow a thesis chunk to work on. Not to mention a house that needs constant cleaning-- there are always more and more dishes everytime I make a meal, and things left around to be organized, and I never realized how much work a house takes to keep it all in order and running smoothly and cleanly until this year.

The rest of the quote of the title is "but that doesn't mean we should give up our dream, have you ever seen me defeated? Don't you forget what I've been through and yet I'm still standing." I've done this before and been through worse, both academically and personally.

I'll do it. It's just hard sometimes and I get discouraged. This weekend was a little odd, too, which has put me in a strange temper, and I'm still catching up on sleep after being sick last week. I need a Disney fix. I'm in full on Disney withdrawal mode. I looked up Youtube videos of rides the other day.

As much as I want Spring Break I'm dreading it because I need to have turned in my Folger application by then AND my thesis chunk. ::cries::

Rude and Not Ginger

2010-02-05T06:49:00.000-08:00

Lately, I'm obsessed with all things British. Not that this is particularly new, but since returning to Williamsburg after break Zan, Mike, and I have been compulsively watching Dr. Who. We started with and passed through the Christopher Eccleston episodes and are now into the first season with David Tennant. I just want to say, Number 10 is my Doctor. Last night we did watch a bit of the first episode with Tom Baker, and he seems crazy and cool (with that scarf!), but no one can compare to David Tennant. At least, not yet. We'll see how Number 11 goes after I've finished up the David Tennant episodes and after they've made a few Number 11 episodes for me to watch. Also, as part of our watching all things Dr. Who all the time, we also watched a special episode of The Weakest Link where Dr. Who actors played for their favorite charities. K-9 was even on! And no Billie Piper! I kind of hate her, not in a jealous way, but in a "Jesus, Rose Tyler, why are you so annoying???" way. Mike agrees with me, but Zan thinks Rose is nice. Moreover, Zan and I became obsessed with Cafepress-- type in Dr. Who and watch the merchandise appear! I want so much of it!!! Especially the I <3 <3 The Doctor shirts and mugs and magnets. Because he has two hearts. So clever.

Additionally, I've been listening to BBC Radio 1 in my car. I've become a fan of British radio. They are SO FUNNY. The Sara Cox show had a great segment about calandars yesterday, and a few days ago a man told a joke about a rabbit that fell completely flat with the other co-host but was hilarious in his British accent. And the songs! Another Mumford and Sons called "The Cave," Marina and the Diamonds "Hollywood," and Florence and the Machines "The Dog Days are Over."

As if to drive home the Britishness, one of my committee members suggested that I alter my thesis to make it more manageable, and the alteration he suggested was to focus on David Garrick and his effects and influence on English and colonial American theaters in his lifetime. This would significantly pare back my time period (to the 1740s-1770s, nothing beyond the Revolution) and would allow me to concentrate more fully on the English side of things. It would not, however, make unusable my American Company knowledge, as David Douglass recruited actors from Garrick's Drury Lane. It all connects beautifully, and would give me the opportunity to more fully explore English theater than my previous topic incarnation. I really like the idea of this shift, and hope it works. To tie this in further to the title of my post, my thesis prospectus concludes with a quote from Dr. Who: "The theatre is magic, isn't it? You stand on this stage, you say the right words with the right emphasis at the right time-- oh, you can make men weep! Or cry with joy. Change them. You can change men's minds just with the words in this place."

Yes, I have a hip thesis prospectus. It's with the times, what can I say?

Finally, I get to go to the UK this summer for sure! We start in Edinburgh, and then head down to Stratford-Upon-Avon to see Antony and Cleopatra at the RSC!!! I'm so excited!!! And, of course, side trips to research sites for my thesis :). Hooray!

Also, I'm noticing there are lots of British Davids... Tennant, Garrick, Douglass... two of them are Scottish! Prizes in the form of my love for those that know which two!!!

Sick Day (s)

2010-02-04T05:57:00.000-08:00

The past two days have been rather miserable. It all started on Tuesday around 7:30 in the evening. I had finished my normal busy Tuesday-- 4 hours at work, 3 hours in class-- and was at Mike and Zan's apartment reading for my independent study, when suddenly I thought, "I think I might be sick." I hurried home (through the ice, more on that later) and once home thought, "Oh, perhaps this isn't as bad as I thought." Famous last words.

After an aborted shower attempt, I spent the next 10 or 11 hours in front of the toilet bowl. I have no idea what caused it. Stephen had a stomach virus a few days ago, but his was 24 hours and he had a scorching fever with it. I think mine might have been food poisoning-- I had some funky lasagna for lunch on Tuesday that even while I was eating it I thought seemed off. Regardless, I got no sleep Tuesday night and literally everything I had eaten that day came back up that night. I don't remember the last time I was so sick, especially without any alcohol involvement. But even then, it's NEVER been this bad.

I woke up Wednesday weak and unable to go from my bedroom to my study to feed Sphinx. I called Mike who came over with saltines and gatorade, to replace my electrolytes. Thank goodness, I don't know what I would have done otherwise. I managed to make it to half of my race relations class, but that really took it out of me. Then I went over to the apartment with my books. After getting there, though, I felt rather weak again and instead of getting any reading done I fell asleep on their couch. I then came home and fell asleep for real.

Being sick is no fun. Neither is snow.

Sure, snow is pretty as it falls, but being trapped in my house all day Saturday, and having limited mobility for the majority of this week has been terrible. And we're supposed to get more this weekend. Boo. I want the Spring!!!

A Great Day

2010-01-28T19:16:00.000-08:00

Today was a really good day, even though nothing terribly exciting happened.

I woke up early, spent the morning starting my paper for my independent study, and then went to work at 10:00. At work, I got to play around on Facebook because it is legitimately part of my job to do so (I update the Study Abroad and Reves Center Fan Pages, plus invite people to fan us, and update listservs), and then continued to transcribe evaluations. I only have half of a program left though! I should finish up these evaluations tomorrow, which is really exciting, considering that I have been working on them since last semester.

After work, I spent a little time on Gmail e-mailing with Emily and Dana about Disney World, in what proved to be a very long, very humorous e-mail thread. I really miss those two, so getting to have a "conversation" with them today for an hour or so made me incredibly happy. Meanwhile, I finished my paper. It was a paper which essentially wrote itself, but it wasn't a very good paper, necessarily. That is, the information was right, and it flows, but because this week was an introduction, I had some difficulty deciding which themes to pick up on.

As it so happens, many themes which I could comment on, and many "dialogues" among the authors, were illuminated during my meeting with Professor Popper. I love my indepedent study. Besides the fact that the reading is great, interesting, and that I actually want to sit down and learn, the meeting with Professor Popper really helped me to pull things out of the text that I hadn't consciously thought of before. He also helped me to place the authors historical arguments as I hadn't before. I did feel smart though, because I picked up on something in Gurr that struck me as false, and he picked up on it, too. It has to do with land, ready cash, and their relative importance; if you really want the details I can tell you, but if I explained it all here it would simply be nerding out on Renaissance and eighteenth-century history. He also posed the question "If you were Queen Anne of Denmark, why would you pay for a masque?" and we discussed James I and his historical reputation. James fun facts: in addition to practicing homosexuality, which obviously scandalized early historians, James practically led the witch-hunts in Scotland pre-becoming King of England; he even wrote his own Daemonology!

Anyways, the point is that, without a doubt, my independent study was the right choice for my third class this semester. As I mentioned, I find Race Relations more interesting than I anticipated, and on Tuesday I had "Field School in Material Culture" and I think it will be really fun, but there's no third class I could want to take more this independent study.

Then, to top the day off, I went to Trader Joe's! Grocery shopping CAN be fun. I got some amazing food, and for dinner had fettuccine, naan bread, and a baby spinach salad with dried cherries and balsamic vinigrette. Best meal I've made in this house in ages (Stephen made some great flank steak the other day with pasta and bell peppers, and that would be the best meal I've had in this house lately, but I didn't make it). And my food tonight only took about 10 minutes to prepare! I can eat well every day without ever going out for a meal again!

A good class, a good meal, and a productive day certainly make me happy.

Also, I'm learning Spanish on Muzzy and I'm making great progress! Although, it is Spain Spanish, not Latin American. Oh well, I want to live in England anyways, so the Spain Spanish will come in handy, and the basics will help in the USA.

And it was your heart on the line...

2010-01-26T20:04:00.000-08:00

This is just a post to say: Mumford and Sons.

I discovered this band about a week ago while listening to BBC Radio 1 on XM in my car. Someone called in and requested "Little Lion Man." Fell in love with the song immediately, looked the band up, and found that they have an album (already out in the UK, coming out in North America on February 16th) called Sigh No More as a reference to Shakespeare's Much Ado.

Go. Listen. Love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLJf9qJHR3E

Je suis Muzzy, Le Grand Muzzy!

2010-01-24T15:40:00.000-08:00

Muzzy arrived yesterday!!! I'm so excited! I could hardly contain my excitement as my plush Muzzy toy came tumbling out of the package with a collector's tin full of Muzzy DVDs, and CDs, and CD-Roms. Hooray for Muzzy! I can't decide which language to concentrate on, so I'm bouncing around a little, although I probably shouldn't. The French Muzzy makes me feel smart, because I understand just about everything they are saying, no problem. The other languages make me feel rather slow. I think I'll concentrate on French (improving listening comprehension, mostly, and getting some basic vocab that I missed out on in French 1, due to my teacher, though Lac du Bois admirably made up for most any gaps), and perhaps also work a bit with Spanish, as it's an important language in the USA today. Although, I really want to learn German. And Italian is pretty, plus I already have a foundation in it. I wish there were more languages! Except then I really wouldn't know which to choose, and I only have a limited amount of Muzzy time each day.

I finished all of my reading for Comparative Race Relations yesterday, but I got a migraine for most of the afternoon today, so I haven't written the two-page paper yet. Oh well, it's not due until Tuesday, so I can work on it tonight and tomorrow. At least the reading is done. And then I have to finish my Shakespeare reading and write that two-page paper, but that's at least pretty fun and feels like I'm building towards something career-related. Although, in a way, I like Comparative Race Relations, as much as I've complained about it to friends and family. I don't usually like... how to say it... problematic? history. History that makes me feel queasy inside. And honestly, that's most of history. I like English political history until 1832, but mostly domestic, not foreign policy. I like the history of the Amerindians in the pre-Columbian period. I like theater history. "Safe" history, in a sense. Older history, without much relevance to the present moment, beyond the basic fact that everything in history reverberates to the future. But this class is forcing me to examine problems that face us today, which is something that I should really be educated about, things that mean something to the world, to humankind. Something that helps me as a global citizen to understand others and the way our perception of the world and its peoples is constructed by society. So, in a sense, I think as much as I will complain about it, it will help me grow as a person more than my other courses. Perhaps it will be a bit like how reading Middle Passages last semester opened my eyes to contemporary problems in Africa and the USA through an examination of the tumultuous history of both the continent and people of African origin, although obviously the class will be more indepth than a single book.

I'm a little tired of being safe all the time. Maybe branching out is good.

In other news, saw Sinfonicron's Gondoliers last night and it was really cute, and tonight is a wine and cheese party at Zan, Mike, Thomas, and Annie's because Allison is visiting. And then papering and more Muzzy!!! Hooray for language acquisition!

The Last First Day of Classes

2010-01-21T09:20:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the last first day of classes for a long while, if not forever. And honestly, it wasn't so bad. No panic attacks, no sinking feelings of dread. Even the syllabus for Comparative Race Relations didn't look as terrible as I had feared. It almost looks, dare I say it, interesting. Trying to print the reading has been a bit of a challenge, as it's in e-book form and angrily unprintable, but the topics seem reasonably alluring and my professor is so nice and enthusiastic.

Plus, I got homemade chocolate chip cookies from Mike M.!

February will be hellishly difficult though, what with two 2-3 page papers due every week, plus whatever I'm assigned for Field School in Material Culture, and my 20 page thesis chunk due March 1st. And March... well, with my oral exams perhaps not better. But I have not forgotten my goals of fun! I WILL WiiActive and Muzzy! I WILL travel and do weekend trips! This is the only time I will ever be this young again! Life is not a dress rehearsal! Sometimes I think I'm guilty of taking everything too seriously, but in the end, what's there to be taken so seriously? We have here and now and I intend not to look back and feel like I wasted this Spring.

Flashes of Light

2010-01-19T07:51:00.000-08:00

Williamsburg this past week hasn't been as bad as I feared. Granted classes start tomorrow, so I haven't had to deal with school much yet, but in general life has had mostly good moments. It's as if the past week were a series of tableaus, snapshots thrown on the kitchen table, sifted through, remembered. The week in my mind consists of a series of images.

I've been playing Wii Active nearly everyday with Zan, Annie, Thomas, and Mike. We dance and lunge and inline skate and box and burn calories all while the game says "I like the competition you have going" and "Player 2, step up your game!" We watched Death at a Funeral last night, and the night before that The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Death at a Funeral was ten times better, and Alan Tudyk gives a great performance. The whole script felt very British. I love hanging out at the apartment. I ordered Muzzy: Multilingual Edition, so next semester Zan, Annie, and I want to take time everyday for WiiActive and Muzzy.

Sphinx-cat came home, and so I've been spending lots of time with him. He's so excited to have his little multi-colored plush ball again. He keeps bringing it into my room around 6:00 AM and expecting me to play.

There have been lunches at the Cheese Shop, once with my friend Will, then with my friends Elijah and Pretlow, with a little too much wine. There was seeing Leap Year at New Town with my mom and my dad, and going to the townhouse for homemade stew. There was a dinner at Tequila Rose with Mike. There have been mornings of Ellen and tea, or coffee at Aroma's and a walk through CW. I ran into Megan and CJ and Macs yesterday before my dentist appointment (clean teeth!).

Last night there was a trip to Newport News to see Shea for a new episode of iCarly, and to catch up on all the news of Winter Break, before some WiiMario with the crew at the apartment.

I feel like I've actually had things to do. More importantly, I feel like I've actually had friends around. No matter how bleak things seem on the outside, they can be made better simply by spending an hour or so with friends. :)

Here We Go Again...

2010-01-13T08:34:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm now back in Williamsburg, gearing up for my second AND last semester of graduate school. I am so ready for this to be over. I'm trying to keep a super positive attitude right now, though. I mean, attitude is like, what 80% of any endeavor? So I keep telling myself that this is it! My last four months of school for at least a few years, my last Spring in Williamsburg probably ever, and my last chance to study things that I really want to study-- especially my independent study. So I should really do my best to enjoy the hell out of it!!!

I know it's going to be lots of hard work, but at least this semester there is no Hoffman class, and one of the courses I designed. Then it's just a summer to finish my thesis! Plus, Carter Hailey sent me two wonderful, wonderful Shakespeare books-- one for my independent study and one just for fun. I love him so much! So see, good things.

But still... it's a little difficult to stay positive. Especially right now, since pretty much no one is back from break yet, except me and my roommate. Thank goodness Stephen IS here, though. We watched Ellen together this morning, and tomorrow night we are doing a roommate dinner. I am so incredibly happy that Stephen is my roommate. No idea how I would have survived this year without him around.

So far, I've unpacked my clothes and realized that I have way too many. I should probably sort through them and throw out the things that I will most likely never wear again. I also bought Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" on iTunes and have been listening to it compulsively. It's such an addictive song. I saw Zan for a bit last night to give him his Christmas present, and today I need to run to the grocery store, Target, and perhaps Swem. Yep, this is Williamsburg.

Goals for the semester:
1) Do things I've never done before in Williamsburg, or haven't done very much, such as a wine-tasting at the vineyards and a few days at Busch Gardens.
2) Do everything I love in Williamsburg for a "last" time.
3) Try to take a few weekends away, such as in D.C., VA Beach, or Richmond.
4) Have an hour of fun each day.
5) Enjoy life, come rain or sun.

Chilling in the Big Easy

2010-01-11T05:35:00.000-08:00

I just got back yesterday afternoon from a fantastic trip to New Orleans. I'm already dreaming of going back-- more beignets, more shopping, more admiring the architecture, more museums, more ghost tours. We didn't even get to see the bayou, which I think is perfect reason to head down south again soon.

Thursday morning Kacey, my mom, and I were at the airport for our very uneventful flight, and we got into New Orleans around 2:00 that afternoon, central time. When we landed it was still about 50 degrees outside, but very rainy. We walked around the French Quarter for a bit, and then about an hour and a half later or so Kay arrived! That night we had dinner at Ralph and Kacoo's-- great food, amazing service. The waiters were so funny! We had gator bites for an appetizer (a bit like chicken, but chewier), and one of the best bowls of she-crab soup ever, and grouper, and then a brownie sundae that Kay and I shared. Fantastic.

After dinner we went on a ghost tour, which left from Reverend Zombie's Voodoo Shop. Our tour guide was named Midian, and he dressed a bit like a cowboy. It was interesting. The beginning of the tour was a lot of fun. We heard some great ghost stories about some hotels in the area, and about Jackson Square, and Midian knew his stuff. The temperature was plummetting, however, so we were beginning to freeze. That might have been ok, especially since there was a bar break in the middle to warm up, but we also had a drunk stupid girl on the tour, and we're pretty sure that Midian thought he was going to get laid so he started paying attention only to her. Seriously, this girl was ridiculously stupid-- stupider as she sobered up, actually, which led us to believe she had spent her whole life studying drunk, so could only be smart under the influence. She asked if New Orleans was involved at all with the Civil War; when Midian explained that General Butler, a Union General who held New Orleans while it was occupied by northern troups, had suggested turning all of the women of New Orleans into "women of the night" and killing any man who tried to defend them, the girl said, "There must be more to that story." When Midian said, "Yes, it was if anyone made fun of the Northern troops," she shrugged and said, "See?" as if making fun of someone was reason enough for rape. Terrible. Also at the Lalaurie House, which had been recently owned by Nick Cage and still had some decorations on it from Halloween, the girl started talking about decorating that house for Halloween was "the utmost of disrespect." There were other things, but mostly she was stupid and annoying.

At the end of the tour we stopped at a different bar, though, and it was amazing. It had once been the Spanish prison, according to the bartender, and William Faulkner, Tennessee Williams, and Alastair Crowley had all been there to drink. We got warming and wonderful cups of hot buttered rum. :)

The next day, we woke up and headed for Cafe du Monde to get some "man-grabbin'" beignets. It wasn't rainy at all anymore, but it was frigidly cold-- in the 30s. We got our beignets, then stopped into some boutiques, and then headed to a museum about Mardi Gras. I had no idea how much goes into each Mardi Gras! The museum was very cool and comprehensive, with rooms about the history of Mardi Gras, Krewes, Costumes, and Balls (which we have decided we need to be invited to). We were there for easily two hours. The strangest part was in the section devoted exclusively to costume design they had a picture of the 2005 Queen and Court of the Krewe of Endymion, and one of my high school friends was on the Court!!! She was a year older than I was and played Titania when my high school did Midsummer. I was Peaseblossom, her head fairy. :) So that was exciting.

After the Mardi Gras museum we got lunch at a place called Cafe Maspero, which had dollar strawberry daiquiris! So cheap!!! Also, really good French Onion Soup and Red Beans and Rice. All under 10 bucks. Great place. After lunch we headed to the Voodoo Museum... it felt kind of... cheap. But interesting! They had lots of Voodoo masks and "gris-gris" and a mummified cat and turtle, and a nice little sheet with facts about Voodoo. They never explained the difference betweeen Voodoo and Hoodoo, though, which kind of irked me, and really never explained the origins of Voodoo-- I know it is a mix of Catholicism and African religions, but seriously they could have tried harder to let me know what exactly the Voodoo beliefs are. However, they also explained certain methods of obtaining what you want using Voodoo. All noted. I'm still a little confused about what it all means, but I guess I have a better grasp of it now than I did before I went to New Orleans.

That night we went to Brennan's for dinner, which was amazing. I tried Turtle Soup, which I discovered is a bit like Maryland Clam Chowder (the turtle is a lot like clam), and Kacey and I had the BEST Bananas Foster. So good. We were also sitting in the "Rex" room, which further led us to believe that we need to be involved with Mardi Gras Krewes :). After dinner, Kacey, Kay, and I headed to St. Peter's Street once more, to Reverend Zombie's Voodoo Shop. We wanted to get tarot readings. Unfortunately, only two people were allowed back at a time, so we took turns with who got to hear who's reading. I sat out the first session, while Kay got her reading and Kacey listened. There was a really nice guy working at the Voodoo shop, though, named Joey, so it was ok. We got along pretty well, and then while I listened as Kacey was getting her cards read, Kay talked to him, and so on.

The tarot readings themselves were quite interesting: mine had parts that were accurate for the present, such as "nothing much is going on right now, you're in a bit of an average time." Truth. Basically, I had control over my work and my emotional life, but nothing major was going on in either. I had him then read for the next six months and the next year. Apparently, the next year is going to be way more intense than my present or than my past year. Some of this seemed ok, as I always was in control emotionally, but he said to be wary of something in my work life in the next nine months to a year, as something that seems great won't be as great as I thought. There was some other accurate stuff, too. :)

After tarot reading, Kacey, Kay, and I went over to Pat O'Brien's for their famous drink called "A Hurricane." SO GOOD. We then went over to an Irish bar next to the Voodoo shop. We tried to go find Joey to see if he wanted to get a drink with us, but he was off of work already, so we just kept it a girls night. Kacey ordered a mai-tai at the bar and they looked at her as if she was crazy, and she ended up with a rum and pineapple juice :). Good fun.

The next day we went once more to Cafe du Monde for beignets. This time we sat indoors (hooray!) and the beignets were even better!!! Guh, I love them. It's a good thing I don't live there, perhaps, as I would be so fat off of beignets. We went next to a lovely little lingerie shop that had Renaissance Faire styled corsets, and Kay bought one to go with the red skirt we both bought at Maxazria at Potomac Mills. We then went to the Wax Museum... it was different. It wasn't a wax museum with famous people, rather, it gave us the history of New Orleans in what I believe was an extremely historically inaccurate and amusing way. Every plaque with Andrew Jackson called him General Andy Jackson, and one plaque showed a dueller named Pepe, who was saving a fair damsel in distress... who had had her husband shot. Was odd. There was also Michaela someone or other who had "a luxurious but loveless marriage, and was shot in the breast four times by her father-in-law. She then moved back to New Orleans..." WHAT??? Yeah, that was the gist of it. Fun, crazy, etc. The end was "The Haunted Dungeon" which depicted scenes from creepy stories, such as Dracula, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, and The Vampire Meets the Wolf-Man, which sounded to me a lot like New Moon.

After the Wax Museum, we grabbed a quick lunch at a place called Muriel's and then Kay got a cab to the airport. Kacey and I went out shopping for a bit after that, then took an afternoon nap at the hotel, which proved necessary. We had dinner that night at Commander's Palace, and I swear it was the best food I've ever had ever. They had amazing garlic bread, I had a great cocktail called Tequila Mockingbird, we got a Honey Satsuma salad, and then I had a pecan crusted white fish topped with champagne poached crab meat that was to die for. Kacey's meal, too, looked excellent and her mashed potatoes were some of the best I've tasted. My mom got shrimp, of which I'm not a huge fan, but I tried a bite and the spices on it were perfect. We then got homemade ice cream parfait for dessert... guh. Fantastical.

Once we had digested a bit, Kacey and I headed back to Reverend Zombie's to see if Joey was working and if he wanted to get a drink with us. He was, and he did. We headed back to Pat O'Brien's for another Hurricane, and shortly Joey was off of work and joined us. He invited one of his friends, Ryan, to join us. What a fantastic night. After spending time at Pat O'Brien's, they took us to a more local bar where we had whiskey and soda, and a frozen Irish coffee, and played songs off of the juke-box. Ryan and I got along really well, and had tons of fun talking about tv shows, Neil Gaiman, my thesis, his adventures as a paramedic, and honestly I forget because I had had so much to drink by that point :). But it was great. We didn't get back to the hotel until about 7:00 AM. And our flight was at 12:45. But it was worth every minute. Best night out in New Orleans that I could have dreamed of. And now... I want to go back. Preferably when it's somewhat warmer, but soon!!! Kacey, Kay, and I have decided that without a doubt we need to get invited to a Mardi Gras ball, and I would totally skip class for that. So... New Orleans, here I come! I hope...

And now I'm back in Virginia, thinking of heading down to school again tomorrow, and needing desperately to make arrangements for my books for my independent study. Le sigh.

Dainty and Magical

2010-01-03T07:04:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope the first two and a half-ish days of 2010 have been good! So far my 2010 feels much the same as my 2009. :)

New Year's Eve was quite wonderful-- Kay had a party at her house with plenty of rum and champagne. I went over with Kacey and my cousin, Josh. We all went to The Lost Dog Cafe for dinner, then we dressed for the party. I've missed dressing for parties with Kay. It makes me feel all Betsy-Tacy-like, putting on make-up together and having her do my hair. I wore my new silky shirt from Maxazria, which I got on sale at Potomac Mills just after Christmas. Kay and I went there and met up with Callie around December 27th-- we had a very nice time of shopping and lunching, and bought lovely outlet mall items.

After dressing, we played Apples to Apples before everyone arrived (thus, 'dainty,' and 'magical,' two adjectives that I won), and prepared trays of cheese, meats, crackers, and fruits. The party itself was great! We all watched the ball drop in Times Square at midnight, of course. I met some new people, which is always fun, and got to speak French with my cousin. We have joked about how when I get a little drunk I speak French much better than when I'm sober, and Josh speaks French fluently, so this was the first time we have spoken it together. All in all, a lovely time.

The next morning I woke up early (around 8:45), like I always do, and read some more of Kushiel's Chosen. Seriously, this book has me in its thrall, which has meant that very little work has gotten done on my thesis. Part of me wants to continue to power through the narrative, but part of me wants to savour it, because once I'm done with the book-- it's over. I mean, there's another book in the series, but when will I have time to start another 650 page novel for fun? And I need the escape, a bit in the way I did a few summer's ago. Hopefully New Orleans will be a more perfect escape :). With Kay and Kacey! Hmmm... maybe the airplane ride to New Orleans is the perfect time to start the final book of this trilogy... No! Bad Abigail! Must read for thesis!

Anyway, here we are now in 2010. Thus far, I have almost completed my History of Renaissance Performance syllabus with the generous help of Carter, Callie, and Katie, and with the "Look Inside-- Table of Contents" feature available on Amazon. I swear, trying to piece together a syllabus without that would have been impossible. Swem doesn't reopen until January 4th, and I don't have time to get there until the 12th, so I am eternally grateful to whoever put Tables of Contents online. I'm pretty proud of the syllabus; it's challenging levels of reading, but also fun, I hope. I know I have great book suggestions thanks to my friends at MBC and Carter, so we can't fault my historiography!

I have also watched tons of The Tudors with Kay and Brian, usually while working on my syllabus, which I'll just put down to doing background work. I mean, Shakespeare lived shortly after Henry VIII... yeah. So, obviously, I need Hollywood's rendering of Tudor England to inform me about conditions just prior to the Elizabethan Golden Age... right? Mm-hmm.

And finally, I have gotten to spend tons of time with my mom in the past few days, which I have loved. We are becoming pros at Wii Bowling (although she does better than I do, typical) and we're both still novices at Wii MarioKart. We've also nearly completed a jigsaw puzzle of Cinderella's Castle; we usually work on it while my dad watches NCIS in the same room, so it's almost like he's helping, too. Certainly, this means I've done very little on my thesis, but... well, I think family time is pretty important, too. :)

Happy New Year!!!!! God-willing 2010 will be better than the past few years!

After Christmas Stress

2009-12-26T11:49:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas! I certainly did! Christmas Eve we went to the 7:00 PM service at St. John's. I love the lighting of the candles and singing "Silent Night." It's always such a beautiful time. I love going to Church on Christmas Eve. Then we watched Muppet Christmas Carol as always. :) Then I read all of my favorite children's Christmas stories before going to sleep.

Christmas morning was wonderful-- I was spoiled this year. My dad got me two beautiful necklace and earring sets, and a Snow Princess Vermont Teddy Bear, and I got the Sims 3 and Wii Lego Indiana Jones. There goes my productivity. AND I got a mini-camcorder! So excited!

Christmas afternoon was fun, too. Allison is still in D.C. and all alone, so she came over and we went to see Sherlock Holmes. The movie was really entertaining-- the first 20 minutes worried me a bit, as I found them slow and plot-less, but after that it really picked up. I recommend this movie to anyone-- it's action-packed, sexy, and pretty true to the original concept (but... more action-packed and sexy). It also left the way clear for a sequel, which thrills me. I love reading Sherlock Holmes, how much fun to see it in this new way!

But now... oh. Back to the stress. I tricked my mind into being ok with not having done any work on my syllabus or thesis, because I reasoned that I couldn't be expected to do any work until after Christmas. Now Christmas is over. I am excuse-less. And panicking. So much to do and no library in which to do it. Swem is closed, so there's no point in going to Williamsburg, and the Library of Congress seems a bit difficult to use, though I may have to try. GAH! I can already feel the knots building in my shoulders again. :(

Christmas Knickumknackums and Christmas Eve

2009-12-24T05:57:00.000-08:00

According to the incomparable Carter Hailey, yesterday was Christmas Knickumknackums, or the day before the day before Christmas. You are allowed to open a single gift, though I did not, and you feel all Christmas-y. I did do the feeling Christmas-y bit. My mom and I made snickerdoodles, oatmeal raisin and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, gingersnaps, and we are all set to make more cookies today, tortilla soup for Christmas Eve dinner, and apple pocket pies. I also worked on clay figures for people's Christmas presents yesterday. I just have to put finishing touches on Mike J.'s dragon, on Kacey's present, and on Emily's present. We also watched Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas and Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas before turning on the NCIS.

Currently we're watching It's A Wonderful Life. I've never seen it before, so far so good. Kind of depressing. Thus far I'm not sure why it's a Christmas movie, but maybe it becomes clearer. I like how at the beginning they say "At exactly 10:45 Earth time." It reminded me of Twilight Zone: in "To Serve Man," the main character asks "What time is it on Earth?" and they say "It's exactly 12:00 noon," or something like that, as if Earth has one time :).

I'm so excited for Muppet Christmas Carol tonight!

EDIT at 4:08 PM: Yeah, It's A Wonderful Life is definitely a Christmas movie. And a very heart-warming one at that. Will watch again. Also, ran on the elliptical (yay exercise after all this time!) and was watching Babes in Toyland for the first time-- so cute! I want Annette Funicello's clothes and dancing abilities!

Wedding Bells Will Chime

2009-12-20T18:50:00.000-08:00

Annie is married! She had her wedding amidst snow yesterday, but it was beautiful nonetheless. She had a gorgeous dress, and a very nice Wren Chapel ceremony. The reception was incredibly fun-- great food, great dancing, friends I hadn't seen in a long time. An extremely cute "first dance" for Annie and Eric to Taylor Swift's "Love Story." I am not a fan of that song at all, but they were so adorable dancing to it I couldn't help but enjoy it.

It's still a little strange that someone from our "group" is married. I know Kristi got married a few weeks ago, but... I don't know, that didn't feel as odd; as long as I've known her she's been engaged. I guess I had more time to adjust to the idea. But I've known Annie since my first day at William and Mary, and she certainly wasn't engaged then :). We spent the summer after freshman year with Michelle watching "Slings and Arrows" and drinking mint lemonade. We were in "Romeo and Juliet" together, and I spent so many Sunday dinners at Russian House, and so many nights at the Drunk Duck. And now she's in New York for her honeymoon and moving to El Paso, TX which is so far away. I've gotten used to her fairly frequent visits to Williamsburg for wedding planning... not sure what I'll do now that there's really no chance of seeing her at all. I'm happy for her, because she seemed so happy at her wedding, but I'm sad, too, because I'll really miss her.

It's been an extremely snowy weekend. Mike J. drove in from Woodberry and it took him five hours, while it took Kay and Brian EIGHT hours from D.C. Crazy. Jason had stories about wiping out and spinning around on the icy roads. Luckily everyone made it here safely, and the roads in Williamsburg stayed MOSTLY clear (except when driving to the Winery for Annie's reception). And it was such a fun time seeing everyone!!! We spent Friday evening eating pizza and playing MarioKart until 3AM, and then Saturday night we played Apples to Apples! I haven't stayed up that late (except for paper-writing) in so long! I've also almost finished the Orangina clay dragon that I'm making for Mike, and bought a few more Christmas presents!!!

A wonderful wedding weekend. Congrats to Annie and Eric!

Christmastime is Here

2009-12-18T06:53:00.000-08:00

Christmastime is definitely here. I have bought gifts for my parents and Dana, know what I'm getting Kay, and know what I'm making for Mike J., Emily, and Kacey. I still have some people on my list, though, that I'm struggling with figuring out what to get them. And I need to send a few Christmas cards. Despite the stress of Christmas-gift finding/making, though, I'm so excited to get in and wrap the presents I've bought and set them down under the Christmas tree!!! I really, truly am someone who likes the giving aspect of this holiday more than the getting aspect. If I had all the money in the world I would lavish thousands of presents upon my friends. It makes me happy to make other people happy. If I had all the time in the world I would make them thousands of presents-- as it is, this year has to be a mix of crafted and store-bought. I haven't made a single clay object for my parents yet-- so strange-- or even done any cross-stitching!

But Christmastime is here, regardless. I watched Love Actually with my mom the other night. I set up the Nativity Scene, something I do every year. It's my favorite part of Christmas decorating. I attended Cat's cookie decorating party yesterday (which was quite intense; she gave us a bit of dough to roll out, we cookie cut it, she baked it, and only then did we decorate). I have started in on my "Christmas" reads, such as the winter/Christmas chapters from Little House in the Big Woods and Little House on the Prairie, Merry Christmas Strega Nona, The Polar Express, Santa Calls, A Victorian Christmas Tea, Lone Star, and this book my mom had in the '60s full of Christmas stories for children. I love that one. And as soon as I go back home (I'm in the 'burg again, this time for Annie's wedding) it will be time for Charlie Brown Christmas, Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas, and most importantly, the Christmas Eve viewing of A Muppet Christmas Carol.

Did anyone else read The Polar Express as a child? One line that always stuck with me was the one about drinking hot chocolate as rich as a melted chocolate bar. I've searched for that hot chocolate everywhere. I found close approximations at a cafe in Paris, and at the coffee chain Cafe Nero in England, and the Williams-Sonoma Hot Chocolate I got is close. But mmm, I want to try the hot chocolate on the Polar Express. If only... :)

I miss being a little kid and having the whole month of build-up to Christmas. It feels as though it has come upon me so suddenly the past few years. Finals end and then BAM Christmas. I think I've forgotten how to really savor the holidays. *Sigh*

Anyways, this weekend should be nice! I have a facial this afternoon, followed by Annie's wedding rehearsal (I'm an usherette), and then Mike J. and Kay and Brian should get here either late tonight or early tomorrow and we will go to the wedding! Plus, I'm planning on starting in on making clay gifts, which will make me feel all happy and Christmas-y!

EDIT at 7:17 PM: It's snowing!!!!!

Home Sweet Home

2009-12-13T17:31:00.000-08:00

I'm back home for a few days! I'm heading back to the 'burg in a few days for sundry parties (cocktail, bachelorette) and a wedding, but for now I'm back home! So far it's been lovely. I got in yesterday and met my parents at Tyson's for lunch and a bit of shopping. I got a dress for Annie's wedding, which I hope will be cute. And I have a Jason who is going to get a dark suit to match it! :) Can't wait to see him-- it's been months.

Then I got to see Kay! I honestly haven't seen her since summer, which is far too long. It was so nice to catch up with her. I got lunch with her today, and I saw her new house, which is so darling and she has such nice roommates!!! I have missed my Kay-diddle immensely.

Last night I went to a fondue party with Allison in DC. It was fantastic to meet new people and to hang out with other graduate students from another program. They seemed about as bogged down with work as the people in my program, so I guess grad school hell is universal. Still, I had a wonderful time eating chocolate-covered strawberries and talking about Winter Break plans and just generally being away from the Williamsburg scene. I need a new influx of people. Sometimes Williamsburg just feels so incredibly small and everyone is too interconnected. A change of scene is sometimes necessary.

Today, besides seeing Kay, I also went to a movie with Adam! Haven't seen him since the summer either. We saw The Princess and the Frog. I am so extremely happy that Disney has decided to go back to 2-D hand-drawn animation. Their decision to only do 3-D CGI was perhaps one of the most disappointing things I ever heard, so I'm thrilled they've gone back to their roots. They better keep up this hand-drawn thing, now. So many people have missed it. And this movie wasn't half bad, either! If I had been in a charge I may have changed a few things, but ultimately, I think it was a good product and worthy of the Disney name. I really loved the Tiana, the princess. The Charlotte character was hilarious, too. So, overall, good.

Tonight is Nativity Scene set-up and Christmas tree decorating with parents :)!!!

Turkey in the Rain

2009-12-11T20:06:00.000-08:00

So, last week when Mike J. was visiting we went out to La Tolteca with Kacey. It was raining (big surprise, that's all it's done this semester). So anyways, Kacey mentioned that when turkeys feel rain on their heads they look up to see what is hitting them and the rain gets in their noses and they drown. I'm not sure if this is true or not, but Mike J. decided it should be a proverb.

Don't be a turkey in the rain.

It means something like, "Don't do something stupid." Or "Don't make poor life decisions." Or, when you feel really dumb about something you might say, "Geez, I was just a turkey in rain."

I was just a turkey in the rain.

But whatever, life goes on, it's good, there's always hope for redemption :).

In other news, I went to the spa today and it was lovely.

Hebrew Jewbulation!

2009-12-10T06:34:00.000-08:00

I have finished with everything! I turned in my final paper, "The Formation of Converso Identity: A Lecture," to Professor Homza about twenty minutes ago and now... the sweet feeling of freedom. I can do anything today. I could go for a walk in CW. I could go to the spa. I could watch a movie. I could Rosetta Stone. I could read for fun. I could drink. I could sleep. I could begin Christmas shopping, Christmas cross-stitching, and Christmas clay-making. *Happiness*

Really, though, writing this paper was one of the least stressful things I've done this semester... or since about sophomore year. I gave myself plenty of time to research and write, instead of cramming it all in the night before the due date. And I had a fantastic place to write, as I was at Mike and Zan's apartment, so the process was tempered with episodes of Dr. Who and random trips to Taco Bell (even though I made Mike make me a salad because Taco Bell just isn't real food). Yay for writing near friends!!!

And, since I finished the paper nominally around noon yesterday, I even got to go out for ice cream with Laura before frantically footnoting!

Last night, after I had almost finished the paper, including the footnoting, the editing, and the bibliography, and had sent out the paper to Kay and Zan to proof-read and edit (well, Kay edited :), Zan showed me Mel Brooks' "The Spanish Inquisition" from History of the World Part 1 on his computer), I went to the Leafe with a couple of grad students for a drink called "Hebrew Jewbulation Bar Mitzvah Thirteenth Anniversary Ale." We just got a sample of it, as it was strong, and then I had a pint of Magic Hat #9, but I feel that it's the thought that counts.

Welcome, Winter Break! You don't know how much I've longed for you!

Wedding Bells Will Ring

2009-12-06T10:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my friend, Kristi, got married. I was a reader in the wedding (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13), so I got to attend the wedding rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner on Friday, and then I handed out programs before the wedding, and of course did the reading and attended the reception.

The wedding was absolutely gorgeous. Kristi is so happy. I'm so happy for her. She deserves to be incredibly happy and she is. You could see how radiant she felt all weekend, and her vows were lovely and sincere. I don't know her husband, Kevin, that well, but he seems like a great guy and seems to really, really love her. :)

The wedding took place at Walnut Hills Baptist Church, and Mike J. came down for it and helped me to hand out programs. I have missed him so much! I always forget how funny he is and how he brightens up any situation. We had a great time joking and catching up, and I'm excited to see him again in a few weeks for Annie's wedding. Anyways, we handed out programs before the wedding and talked to some of the ushers, who were equally entertaining, and then the wedding happened (the chaplain, in my opinion, left a little to be desired) and then we headed over to the reception.

Oh. My. God. Amazing. It was at a really nice country club on Richmond Road out near Lightfoot. The dining room was decorated beautifully with silver tree centerpieces which Kristi and her sister made, and lovely red bows on every chair. They had bacon-wrapped scallops at the hors d'oeurves table and a specialty drink called "A Passionate Kiss." Then for dinner we had filet mignon at our fun "single's" table... which actually was fun. I liked everyone there. We kept clinking our silverware on the glasses to make Kristi and Kevin kiss, and at one point when we were clinking Kristi looked over and mouthed, "I will kill you." It was hilarious. I'm not sure they actually got to eat their food so many people were clinking silverware. Then we did a "shamrock dance" much like musical chairs except the winner got a bottle of Bailey's. I was in the top 10, but didn't win. The dancing part was ok, except the DJ kind of sucked, but that in itself provided loads of fun.

The best part was how happy everyone was, especially Kristi. :)

That night after the reception Mike J. and I hosted "Twilight Zone Saturday," and we watched some new episodes and got to enjoy a late night of Rod Serling. So overall, a fantastic weekend.

Let's Dance!

2009-12-02T19:19:00.000-08:00

I'm in such a mood-- I want to dance. And sing and generally just be happy! If you know me, you know the dancing thing is odd. I have absolutely no sense of rhythm. I'm usually quite embarrassed to dance. But right now, give me music and a dance floor! No idea why I feel this way. Well, a little of an idea. I just drove around in my car with some dance music on. I went to see Director's Workshops again tonight (each night was fantastic-- good job to the directors/actors!) and driving home I had on upbeat music. So I decided I wanted to go to Bloom just so I could drive around longer and anyways I needed cat food. And then driving home more upbeat music! And then home to write discussion notes for Sale of the Century: Artistic Relations Between Spain and Great Britain 1604-1655. But that's done! Now I want to dance!

Maybe this weekend at Kristi's wedding I can dance.

Also, only a research paper left (due next Thursday) and I will have completed my first semester as a graduate student! Hooray!

'Tis the Season

2009-12-01T07:03:00.000-08:00

Happy December 1st! Finally we can start actually getting into a Christmas mood. ABC is done with it's Countdown to 25 Days of Christmas, and can now just... count down the 25 days until Christmas. Now stores can legitimately play Christmas music, and now I can finally feel ok about decorating the house, watching Christmas movies, and feeling light-hearted. Christmastime is almost here! The season of clay figurines over Orangina bottles, and Muppet Christmas Carol, Love Actually, and Charlie Brown Christmas, has arrived! Hooray!

And at long last the semester is winding down. I only have one more book and one more research paper to go. I finished my 10 page prospectus and annotated bibliography on Sunday night (though it needs a touch of editing), I had my last research methods class yesterday, and most importantly, my last Hoffman class!!! I didn't even do as terribly on the paper as I expected, even though I somehow managed to not turn in the 2nd page. Oops. I really hope for a good grade in the class overall. I think my discussion skills were up to par, but I guess we'll see when the grades come out.

I already feel a touch freer. The research paper for Homza will be a lot of work, but that's my last big project of the semester. Now I can start to get excited for Kristi's wedding on Saturday, make fun plans for Winter Break, not feel guilty spending two nights at Director's Workshop shows, and maybe take a bit of time to make hot chocolate and watch a movie. And of course, I need to ILL some books for my thesis and make a plan for how to tackle the reading over break, and I need to work on my syllabus for my independent study. But generally, feeling a bit more serene about my academic life than I have in awhile.

Personal life, on the other hand, alternates between being totally boring, mildly irritating, and rather depressing. EXCEPT that Kacey, Megan, Luci, and I have formed a Geocache team. We are doing this great thing where we basically go treasure-hunting around Williamsburg (and the WORLD!) and we plan on having great adventures in our Geocache searches. There are Geocaches everywhere from DoG Street to the Olympic Stadium in Beijing. Honestly, life just got more exciting. :)

Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T18:25:00.000-08:00

Today has been nice. Chill. Just hanging out with my parents, which has been lovely, eating good food at the King's Arm's Tavern, taking a nap, and reading The Shoemaker and the Tea Party and Princes of Ireland, Planters of Maryland. Also hanging out with my cat, which is the usual bi-product of reading; he sees me sitting on the couch and immediately tries to distract me or sit on my lap. The only sad part about Thanksgiving break is that Williamsburg empties out, and I have none of my friends around. In a way, I suppose that's helpful for productivity, but less helpful for happiness.

Still, I have much to be thankful for, and that's what this day is all about. I have wonderful parents, who love me and always have faith in me. I don't know what I would do without them. They have given me so much confidence and support. They are always there when I need them for anything and everything, from vanilla cokes, to discussing papers, to life problems. They are everything to me. And, while on family, I have an amazing cousin who I love and consider one of my absolute best friends. I got to see him while I was home last weekend and it was fantastic.

And I have amazing friends, some of the best in the world. I don't know what I would have done this semester without their constant love and commiseration. From late night conversations about anything and everything, to lunches at La Tolteca, to movie nights (Mario Bros? Twilight drinking game? Yes, please), to hanging out in their apartments writing papers, to simply being able to call and hang out when I'm stressed or down, they have been so wonderful to me. Even my friends far away have seemed closer this semester, especially thanks to the joys of G-Chat. :) I'm not sure I could have survived this semester without their love.

I'm thankful, too, for grad school, even though I complain. I'm lucky to be able to get an advanced degree, to have a stipend, and to live in a safe town in a comfortable home. Sure, I want more from life than Williamsburg can offer, but right now this degree is what I need and will help me with my dreams. Plus, I've met some great people in the program.

Finally, I'm thankful for my health and the health of my family and friends-- it's something very precious and we don't even realize it until it's gone.

So, that's what I'm thankful for-- family, friends, knowledge, health, and amenities. :)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Oh, Academia. Oh, Life.

2009-11-23T18:22:00.000-08:00

Guh... I just turned in my last paper for Professor Hoffman's class. I have no idea how I did, but after class discussion I'm thinking not so hot. I guess I'll find out next Monday. I feel drained of all energy. Partially that could be due to staying up late last night to finish the paper, and waking up early this morning for no good reason at all. Then again, it could be that I don't think I comprehended the arguments of Gordon Wood and Merrill Jensen very accurately and probably screwed up by saying they generally agreed in their assessment of the Constitution. Or, it could be that I have nearly lost my voice and burned my finger on a tray from the oven just before class, thus forcing me to keep it held in a cup of water the entire discussion.

I could use a drink. LUCKILY, there's a Twilight "Mock-The-Movie" drinking game party going on tonight, so at least that much will make everything all better.

Other than the past few hours, today has generally been good, believe it or not. I met with Professor Lounsbury this morning, and what he had to show me about colonial American theater and David Douglass was fascinating. He also gave me the e-mail address of Odai Johnson, who I'm supposed to get in touch with, and is going to send me draft reports. He really made me feel so excited about my thesis. And looking at the theater construction is amazingly interesting! I'm dying to go see the Georgian Theatre in Richmond (England).

After meeting with him, I ran over to Blair to meet up with Professor Popper, with whom I am going to do an independent study next semester. I'm INCREDIBLY stoked about this. I get to create my own syllabus for an independent readings course on Shakespeare in performance in the Renaissance theater through the Restoration. SO EXCITED! And Professor Popper is fantastic. I really like talking with him, and I think this course will really help me with applications to Shakespearian theaters. And even if not, it will still be great. I just need to talk to people (like perhaps, Callie and Katie?) about good readings to put on my syllabus.

So overall, the day wasn't a total bummer. But guh, Topics in American Revolutionary Era just killed it. Hopefully Twilight, in some sick way, will resuscitate it. :)

"I don't tell the truth, I tell what ought to be the truth"

2009-11-21T20:06:00.000-08:00

Today I got to go see A Streetcar Named Desire starring Cate Blanchett as Blanche du Bois. She was absolutely amazing, wonderful, gorgeous, and heart-breaking. The play was superb. Her descent into madness was breath-taking. She managed to reign it back, letting it out little by little and just when you thought she had gone over the edge, she went one step more. The actors playing Stanley and Stella were fantastic, too. Stanley was terrifying, pyschologically abusive and fascinating. Utterly captivating. The show lasted over three hours and I never noticed the time passing. Also, Cate Blanchett runs like me! When she flitted across the stage for the curtain calls and during set changes she did the Abigail Run!!! I was so thrilled! I have idolized this woman since I was ten years old when my dad took me to see her in Elizabeth-- watching her acting live absolutely made my month, my semester, perhaps my year.

Really, an amazing performance. The line that is the title of this post most struck me-- Blanche tells Mitch that she doesn't tell the truth, she tells what ought to be the truth. She wants to be sunshine in the lives of those she knows. She doesn't want reality, but what reality should be. It was sad to watch the character struggle against everything that had befallen her and, as an audience member knowing that the worst was yet to come, yet she still tries to justify herself. And isn't that all anyone really wants? Not the truth, but what the truth ought to be?

Oh, for the theater! I miss it so much. I miss being in plays, working backstage, cast/crew bonding, cast parties, inside jokes, costumes, lights, make-up, props, magic. I hope I get an internship in a theater next fall. I'm dying for the theater again. I love history, but I'm realizing more and more that I simply cannot live without the theater.

I'm back from DC now, though. I went to dinner with Kacey tonight at Outback Steakhouse and got a sirloin and lobster tail, but instead of one normal sized tail I got three little tails. Fun-sized, I called them. That got us talking about candy-bar sizes and why. Why fun-sized? Is it because you are having fun, like at a party, when you get that size? Or you can eat that size and still go out and have fun later? Then, the mini-sized should be 'craving sized.' Because you eat that size when you think, "Geez, I'd just like a little chocolate." The medium sized should be 'average sized,' because you get that on an average day, when you want a candy bar. And finally, King sized should be 'eating-your-feelings sized,' because honestly, you get King sized when you have had a shitty day or week. Plus, calling it 'eating-your-feelings sized' might cut back on American obesity, as no one wants candy bars called 'eating-your-feelings sized.'

Race to the Finish Line

2009-11-18T09:08:00.000-08:00

I'm so close to the end of the semester that I can taste it. Sadly, I looked over my reading for Hoffman's class (I have the paper due this week) and my good mood evaporated. So much reading. I want to cry. Plus, I'm currently struggling through Culture of the Baroque: Analysis of a Historical Structure and I'm finding it incredibly difficult. It reminds me of my reading for LCST 301.

An example sentence from said book, chosen at random: "Although it remains indispensable to consider external characteristics, specific morphological data, which are undoubtedly important, we cannot limit ourselves to these data nor can we assume that explaining their raison d'etre will allow us to understand what the baroque represented in European and particularly Spanish culture (pg. 207)."

Furthermore, my house just feels unclean. I'm trying to make it clean, but the downstairs feels messy and I don't have time to go to the grocery store, and my study is cluttered, and I need to do laundry and I have so much reading to do. Bah.

Good news though! We got tickets to see A Streetcar Named Desire at the Kennedy Center this weekend, so I'm going home for Friday and Saturday. Hopefully I can get some good reading done at home. I also got my dress for Kristi's wedding! It's a silver-gray paisley fabric with cream lace. It's called a "Christine Dress" named after Christine Daae from Phantom of the Opera, so guess what's been playing in my car recently?

Also, I found out that Maud Hart Lovelace, the author of my wonderful Betsy-Tacy books, wrote a historical novel entitled The Charming Sally about the Hallam theater troupe in colonial America!!!! There's even a chapter called "Williamsburg." OMG! A fictionalized version of my thesis by a woman I adore!!! I really feel like this is God endorsing my thesis idea.

And, my mom is in town, so she took me to Cracker Barrel for breakfast this morning, which was lovely. I had eggs, biscuits with apple butter, bacon, hashbrowns, hot chocolate, and got to see all of their Christmas-y goodness. Over Thanksgiving break I am planning to buy stockings and decorations for me and Stephen. :)

And I Say, It's Alright

2009-11-15T09:08:00.000-08:00

The sun came out today! You have no idea how much this has improved my disposition. The past week has been gloomy and sad, but finally, today, we have the sun again.

I've been in a very odd mood all weekend. It really started on Friday, I suppose. I have been torn by a need to do work and a desire to go out and have fun. I feel so burned out. I'm at my "rebellious teenage phase" of this semester; that is, the phase in which I say "No! I don't want to do this reading and you can't make me!" Of course, I end up doing the readings, but I just haven't been into it at all. And there's so much reading. And a presentation due tomorrow.

This weekend has felt in some sense wasted. I haven't been at all academically productive and nothing has happened with any of my interpersonal relationships either. Friday night I ran the IEW Student Music and Dance Event at the Kimball, and it actually turned out rather well! We had 71 people attend (much better than I anticipated) and I got to hang out with a girl named Bailey who seems really nice and chill. Plus, it went fast once it was underway-- we started at 8:00 and I was out of there by 9:00. After that, I went home and watched some Comedy Central with Stephen and his bio friends until 11:00, when Stephen and I went to the I.T Comedy Sportz Show. They did a fantastic job with everything! It was also really high-tech-- when did I.T. get so nice?

The rest of Friday I just felt restless and... bad. I don't know. Saturday wasn't a whole lot better. I didn't really get any reading done (only about... 50 pages or so) and I just didn't want to do anything. That's a lie-- I wanted to veg out on the couch with movies. Didn't happen. I ended up going out, though, Saturday night for drinks with the grad students and one of Stephen's friends who is visiting. It was a nice time. But I woke up this morning with a sense of dread about all of the reading I need to do today.

But the sun came out! I have a feeling that everything will be alright.

Nicknames

2009-11-11T10:20:00.000-08:00

If you know me at all, you know I love the TV show The Gilmore Girls. I was watching an episode the other day while eating my near-daily grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup (mmm grad student food!), and at a Friday Night Dinner Emily told Lorelei and Rory that her friend Sweetie had died. Lorelei asked how Sweetie got her nickname. Emily makes up some very long, intricate story to satisfy Lorelei's curiosity, but it got me to thinking about nicknames.

I tend to give nicknames to people after awhile of knowing them (for example, Kay-diddle), and I've noticed that people give nicknames to me, too. While some of them I cherish, not all of them are appreciated.

Lots of people call me Abby-- mostly professors. They all ask at the beginning of the class if I go by a nickname, and I always tell them no, I prefer Abigail, but apparently it's no good. The problem is, if in class a a professor calls you Abby, suddenly the whole class knows you as Abby. And seriously, I can stand many nicknames, but I've never been a fan of Abby. I'll respond, of course, but after awhile it drives me crazy. In class a few weeks ago one other student kept referring to things I had said by calling me Abby and I literally wrote in huge letters in my notebook "ABIGAIL" just to keep myself from yelling it out.

Even worse is "Crabby-Abby." My PE teacher in 5th grade used to call me that. It combined "Crabby" with my least favorite nickname "Abby" and I was MISERABLE.

Somehow, though, Abi seems ok. The spelling makes a huge difference. I still hate it when people call me Abi/Abby, but if I see it written as Abi I feel much less bad about it. I've had several friends and (ex) boyfriends over the years write to me as Abi or even call me Abi (which in the "ex" case should have been a sure sign to break up ;), right?), and I never mind it so much when I see it spelled out that way.

Other friends of mine call me Ab, which isn't bad. It's better than Abby, that's for certain, and because I'm usually quite close with the people who call me Ab, it's even better than Abi, whether said or spelled. My friends Dana and Emily call me Ab or Abs, and for them either is okay. :)

Usually, though, my father calls me Abs. He's called me Abs since I was born. I sort of think of that name as being reserved for him. Sometimes other people that I don't know well call me Abs, and it's a little jarring, because that's the name that my dad uses and only he can legitimately use, at least in my opinion. Every e-mail and every birthday card is addressed to his wonderful daughter, Abs. I love my Dad, and I love hearing from him and having him call me Abs. (Also, that's the URL of this blog-- absandtherealworld)

One of my best friends, Mike J., calls me Absi and I love that nickname! It's my "name" on blogger, and I just don't know what I would do if Mike ever quit calling me Absi. I forget how we even stumbled upon it, but it just makes me feel warm and fuzzy when I'm called Absi by people that I love.

Of course, I prefer Abigail in most situations. So, if you want to get on my good side, stick with Abigail and I will probably think you're the most awesome person ever for not trying to make me an Abby! :)

How do you all feel about nicknames? Got any good ones?

"It's this day not me that's bound to go away!"

2009-11-10T05:46:00.000-08:00

November 9th has come and gone, and I have survived. It took lots of hard work and the past weekend was spent nearly entirely alone with my books, but I accomplished everything necessary. Since the beginning of the semester I've been rather dreading November 9th. Between first day of classes and November 9th in my Golden Age of Spain class I had three book reviews and a prospectus and annotated bibliography due, in addition to appended readings. In Hoffman's class I had two papers due (the third is due November 23rd) and tons of reading. Tons. Really, someone once asked me what the class was called and my friend replied "Topics in How to Kill A Grad Student." And in my thesis class I've had due a prospectus and annotated bibliography, and now I have a 20-minute presentation due on Monday. No rest for the weary, but I survived November 9th. I have successfully turned in all three book reviews, managed two decent prospectuses and bibliographies, and kept up with the reading for all of my classes. This has not been easy, and there's a month left to go, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. December 4th is not that far off. :)

In case anyone is interested, I will tell you a little bit about what exactly I'm researching, because I'm not sure if I ever have. First of all, my thesis: I'm in a Comparative History Masters program, so my thesis has to compare something, or be transnational in some sense. Comparative History is pretty awesome in how open it is, and how creative you can be with topics. For my thesis, I'm comparing eighteenth-century English theater with colonial American theater. I am focusing on a theater company led by Hallam, and later Douglass, called The London Company of Comedians, later known as The American Company. As implied by their original name, this troupe came from London to perform in the colonies, and traveled a circuit which includes Williamsburg. In fact, Douglass built his first theater here in Williamsburg in 1760, then built others in Philadelphia, Charleston, and Jamaica. I'm planning on looking at the effect that theater had upon the identity of the colonists. In The Marketplace of Revolution, T.H Breen argues that the consumption of British goods led the colonists to feel more connected to the British empire, enhancing their feelings of "Britishness," until they could bind together in boycotts and non-consumption agreements, which then strengthened their feeling of American unity. In a sense, that's what I'm arguing about theater, at least the professional London companies which dominated colonial theater. The similarities between the playgoing experience in London and America contributed to a feeling of "Britishness" in the colonies until the Revolution, when theater was seen as "too English" and they boycotted theater just as they did other luxury goods. Douglass and his American Company waited out the Revolution in Jamaica.

I'm also going to try to incorporate the return of The American Company after the Revolution (in 1786 they came back to the States). I want to see how they changed their repertoire, how they adapted to the new political climate, and how the former colonists responded to the theater after the Revolution, especially theater done by British subjects who had left during the Revolution. So, in that way, I will be comparing American theater pre-and-post Revolution, as well as comparing English and colonial American theater. It's a multi-layered project.

My other major assignment right now is my research paper for Golden Age of Spain. Here I'm rather restricted by my inability to read Spanish, Portuguese, or Hebrew, so I have decided to approach my topic historiographically (that is, I am looking at the way the topic has been discussed by historians in the past few decades, and the major arguments within the field). For my paper, I'm examining converso identity after the expulsion of the Jews from Spain. Conversos are any person who can trace their lineage back to a forcibly converted Jew. Not all conversos actually retained any Jewish beliefs, but all were far more likely to come under the scrutiny of the Inquisition, so after 1492 many fled to Portugal or other places on the continent. After the establishment of the Portuguese Inquisition in 1536, those conversos in Portugal also fled into Europe, many to Amsterdam, where they had a community. For my paper I'm focusing mostly on the community in Amsterdam because it was very important to converso societies throughout Europe.

Converso identity is hard to pin down because it has an ethnic, religious, and "national" quality to it. Conversos, of course, were racially Jewish, at least in part, so even those conversos who had no wish to practice Judaism and who legitimately believed in Christian teachings were often welcomed by community members (NOT leaders who wanted pure rabbinic practices). On the other hand, many did want to practice Judaism, but they had different ideas about Judaism-- they felt that they had adequately kept the Law of Moses while living in Iberia. Some were crypto-Jews who combined Catholic and Jewish beliefs. Some practiced traditional rabbinic Judaism. It's a wide spectrum. Then, they all had great pride in their Iberian heritage. In the communities Portuguese and Castilian were the main languages and they looked down upon the Ashkenazi Jews who they regarded as inferior and less-educated. The converso communities were greatly influenced by their Iberian roots, many kept in touch with family in Spain or Portugal, and some even continued to travel there for mercantile purposes (though sometimes in their travels they fell into the clutches of the Inquisition). Anyways, it's complicated business, this converso identity.

Beyond these two things, I am also trying to keep up with my American Rev readings, which proves difficult when the library loses the readings on reserve, as they did yesterday. Thanks Swem! Those readings, as I've mentioned, are excessive, but extremely interesting. Not this Monday, but the next Monday I have a paper due on "The Constitution: Political or Social Document?" I've never really gotten to study the Constitution, so I'm looking forward to actually sitting down and learning about the creation of this thing that dominates American politics. I'm also still trying to get through books in Golden Age of Spain; right now it's "Writing Women in Late Medieval and Early Modern Spain," about female authors, usually nuns or religious writings. And of course, I'm preparing for my thesis presentation! Let me just stress for a moment how much I love the CW Rockefeller Library for having so many amazing sources for me that Swem just does not have. :)

I would tell you all about the fun things I've been doing with my life, but basically what I just outlined for you is it. There has been a little bit of drama in the past few days with people text-messaging me that I never really expected to hear from again, or people who are very forward, but that's peripheral. I did see Twelfth Night last Thursday, presented by SitD, and it was amazing. Truly wonderful. I went out for drinks with some people after the show, and that was fun, too. Um... Saturday evening Shea came to visit me (she was my flatmate when I studied abroad) and we watched a silly Nickelodeon show called iCarly and got ice cream at Maggie Moo's. And then Sunday I went out to dinner with Zan, Allison (who was visiting from Georgetown!) and Sarah Lifka. But seriously, these things were brief hourly respites from days at Swem and Blair. Mmm Winter Break. Can't come fast enough.

The Phantom Tollbooth

2009-11-04T11:17:00.000-08:00

I'm currently at the Reves Center. I've been processing evaluations from Summer Study Abroad programs for the last two hours, and I just can't take it anymore. Especially not the Florence ones. I really don't think anyone here would understand why processing Florence evaluations is so emotionally taxing for me, especially considering that I really did not care for my study abroad experience there. So, why does reading about Chianti make me tear up? Why does a flood of memories come rushing back that actually make me care? Well, I think we can all surmise the reason for that.

But anyways, I'm bored with life. I ironed out the complications of a few days ago, and now... there's nothing to do. I mean, there's plenty. I have a book review to write by tomorrow, several books to read by Monday for Hoffman, and a prospectus and annotated bibliography due for Professor Homza by Monday. Luckily I got the reading done for Spain class yesterday. But those things aren't life-- those things are school. And while I am getting some enjoyment from them, I want something exciting to happen! I want a (non-harmful to anyone I know or love) mystery to solve! I want plane tickets to Europe or Asia or Africa!

I want adventure in the great wide somewhere!

So I think I will pretend that when I get home in half an hour I will find a mysterious package waiting outside my door with no return address. It will have a sign that says, "For Abigail, Who Is Bored With Life." I will open it and find inside a mysterious tollbooth that I can easily set-up. And then... adventure will be begin!

Ain't No Sunshine.

2009-11-01T16:49:00.000-08:00

This has been the most Novemberish of November 1sts. Daylight savings ended, so it got dark earlier tonight than it has been, but even beyond that the weather has been gray and cloudy and rainy and cold. October 31st was warm, and before 2:00 AM clear, but not November 1st. Plus, it's November 1st, which means I should have far more schoolwork done than I do, but life has been acting complicated lately, so I'm trying to sort out life. I can't concentrate on schoolwork. Especially not with rainy, cold, "stay-in-bed-with-a-good-book-not-related-to-academic-history," type weather.

The bright spot in the past few weeks has been hanging out with Kacey again on a more regular basis. We had lunch and dinner together today to commiserate about Halloween and life, which made me happy in between reading periods at Swem. I'm so sick of reading I could cry. How much I do not want schoolwork amazes me. This is worse than senior year. I just want a good solid week off, then maybe I could actually feel like reading again.

Last night was Halloween! Beautiful and brilliant, with so many intricacies! I spent the day reading (of course) and then went to a graduate student party dressed as Belle. I was only there for about two hours, but it was nice. We aren't a crazy group, nor a particularly close one, but I had fun talking to the students who were there. I told one of the guys that I was going to be Sally Bowles at my next party, and he showed me his vinyl album of Cabaret. Honestly, he's the absolute last person I would have thought would have liked that musical... or any musical. I left there around 9:00, grabbed my Sally Bowles costume, then headed over to Megan and Kacey's to get ready for the I.T. party. Kacey dressed as Brett Michaels and CJ and Megan were her ho's. They even made a VIP pass. It was hilarious. We headed over to the I.T. party and I got to see and meet so many people. It was a really fun time. I wish it could always be Saturday night, and most always Halloween. I love Halloween-- everyone dresses up, there are specials on TV, great movies, smiles, parties... and now it's November. What a dreadful month. Suddenly the beauty of autumn begins to turn into the cold gray of winter without anything until the end of the month (Thanksgiving) to even feel slightly cheery. Just Spain class and thesis-ing. Blegh. And sorting out messes that I made myself, and some that just landed on my shoulders for no good reason.

Why is life so complicated all of a sudden?

My Other Addiction and Other Stories

2009-10-30T06:59:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, perhaps more, I wrote about my addiction to Odwalla. That has not gone away. In fact, it may have gotten worse. I have an Odwalla about five days a week now, and this morning I was disheartened to find that the Marketplace is currently out of my favorite Odwallas, so I'm making due with nothing. Maybe I'll get a Vitamin Water later.

But Odwalla is not my only addiction, it's just my healthy one. I'm also addicted to Vanilla Cokes. When I was little, my mom and I were "vanilla coke buddies" and we would go to Whaley's Drug Store in Jefferson City about three times a week for the sweet drink. The people at Whaley's knew us. We only had to say "Large" or "Small" and they would make us our vanilla cokes. When we moved to Virginia, we looked everywhere for vanilla cokes and found a close approximation at MooRenko's, an ice cream store near where we lived. But recently that closed. They have vanilla pepsi at Aroma's, but it's not the same, and the vanilla syrup they use isn't very good.

But then I discovered the Wawa Soda Fountain. Wawa, saviour of hungry undergraduates, has become my vanilla coke supplier. In the back they have a soda fountain complete with different syrups so that a thirsty addict may make her own vanilla coke. And I do. Oh, I do. I have vanilla cokes when I'm feeling down, when I'm celebrating, when I'm really thirsty, when I need to stay awake to read or write a paper, or pretty much any time that I go into Wawa. Vanilla coke: drink of the gods. Better than mead.

Vanilla cokes have helped me greatly in the past week. I have had lots of reading and writing, and more to do before November 9th. The only problem is that if I have them late at night to keep me awake, they keep me awake even after the paper has been finished, or after I've decided that I've done enough reading for the evening. As a result, I lately have not gotten quite as much sleep as I might have hoped. But no matter! I have finished two book reviews, read thousands of pages (literally), and gotten a topic for my Spain class paper!

But, I want to keep my immune system well because apparently we have had 531 cases of swine flu here at the College since September 1st. I do not have time to get sick. I have a thesis prospectus to research still! Thus, the Odwalla. And it all comes full circle.
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Last night I watched Halloweentown with Megan Castle and the gang! We had such a good time! Megan and her roommates made brownies, rice crispy treats, chocolate covered pretzels, and popcorn, so we ate tons of food and watched probably the best/worst Halloween movie ever made. It was a welcome study break. Tonight we are going to have Ghost Adventures get together, and then tomorrow night is Halloween!

I have too many costumes: Belle, River Tam, and Sally Bowles. Luckily, I have lots of parties to go to, so I will be able to wear at least two of the three! I love Halloween!

To Thine Own Self Be True

2009-10-25T06:08:00.000-07:00

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

I thought of this quote last night when I said something to my housemate about how I just needed a good night's sleep and then I would wake up and start acting like someone the Abigail underneath all of this would like to be. As soon as I had said the words, "To thine own self be true..." came to mind. It led me to take Betsy in Spite of Herself off the shelf. I read a little bit, and realized that I've been acting like Betsye, not Betsy, for the whole semester. Or rather, Abigaile, not Abigail. I'm trying to make things work that blatantly aren't working, I'm trying to be someone I'm not, and I'm being very unhealthy. I've basically started starving myself to get work done, I'm not enjoying my work, and I'm doing things that I would never normally do out of a desire for an outlet. I've spent most of the semester not hanging out with my real friends due to miscommunication, and with the people I do hang out with I feel like I can't act like myself-- I'm quieter, less silly... just not me. Actually, I'm reminded a lot of sophomore year when I went crazy with drinking, except that lesson has been learned so none of this has to do with alcohol.

I've thus resolved to start fresh this week. I will be someone that I'm proud of being once more. I want to start eating regular meals, talking with people who mean something to me and who love me as I am, and making decisions which I will not regret. I want to make a good start on all of the reading and work I have done, and hopefully to complete most of my assignments due November 9th by November 6th. That is a noble goal: 3 papers and an annotated bibliography, plus reading for Hoffman and a little thesis work. I think I will also make an appointment for a facial at the spa. My skin would probably like a little loving care, and so would I. I will work hard, and I will make time to do things that I want to do-- I will read a chapter a day of a book of my choosing, I will help Kay with her romance novel, and I will write for me, too. I want the chance to be creative again, and the only thing really holding me back is me.
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This weekend was Homecoming! I had a very wonderful time, except got very little sleep. Stephen and I had Andrew, Dan, and Melissa staying at our home, and I loved seeing them. Friday night we had a party. Stephen had originally said we should just have a few alums over for a little while, but word spread and we had a bona fide party on our hands. People that I hadn't seen in months arrived!!! Saturday we had the I.T. show, which was fantastic. We had about 30 people in the show-- so many alums: me and Stephen of course, but also Zach, Flanny, Kilroy, Sallade, Strehle, Lovell, Stack, Hannah, Sam, and many others. I love I.T. Homecoming. Last night I wasn't feeling well, so after a dinner at Retro's, Kacey and I curled up and watched Hocus Pocus on TV. It's one of my favorite Halloween movies, so I was glad to get to see it. Then, I went home, read a bit of Betsy in Spite of Herself, and fell into a long, long sleep.

Now I get to read. Now I get to try to improve my outlook on life.

Also: Congrats to Kay!!!! I hope your show went/is going fantastically! I love you and I'm so sorry I couldn't be there to see it, but I heard that you were wonderful!

Hunger is Good Discipline

2009-10-21T10:06:00.000-07:00

I've noticed that on the days when I have an Odwalla or nothing for breakfast I accomplish more in the morning than when I make tea and toast. I love tea and toast days-- I love sitting on the couch in the mornings watching a little TV or reading something for fun with my warm, milky drink and my buttery raisin-cinnamon toast. Precisely because I love this, however, I end up spending twenty or thirty minutes reveling in the making and enjoying of toast and tea. Even if I wake up early, the toast and tea keeps me from being really productive.

On mornings when I have an Odwalla for breakfast, I am in the Reves Center. I get up early, head to the Marketplace a little before 8:00, pick up my Mo' Beta or C-Monster, then head up the stairs to work for four hours. This has little to do with the Odwalla, I suppose, and more to do with circumstance, but the Odwalla keeps me going until 2:00 before I sit down to actually have food, unless I happen to have a bag of Cheez-Its or some Nilla Wafers (both of which I ran out of at my house recently).

On days when I have nothing, like today, I make the most of my mornings. I woke up a little after 8:00, did three loads of laundry by 10:00, cleaned the kitchen, emptied all of the trashcans in the house, organized my study a little, and was at Swem by 10:40 to begin looking for/researching my topic for my class on Spain's Golden Age. I spent until nearly noon at the library and am now at Reves for my apprenticeship, except they have nearly no work for me today. So I've spent more time researching, plus reading book reviews for my discussion with Professor Homza tomorrow. It's been a very productive morning/early afternoon.

And I didn't eat anything until 1:15.

I'm learning that grad school is an epic battle between health and productivity.

Bummed

2009-10-19T14:33:00.000-07:00

I didn't get nearly enough done this weekend, and now I have tons of homework plus tons of class. Today I had a really boring class from 2-5, and I just finished writing paragraph peer reviews, and now I have to go plan a discussion until my next class from 7-10, and then I have to read about 100 pages before bed. Tomorrow I have work from 8 until noon, class from noon-2, work at Bella from 2-6, and then more reading.

I'm so burned out. All I want to do is curl up with a cup of tea and a season of Gilmore Girls. Perhaps with a Hemingway novel, too.

Can it be December 4th yet?

Win Some, Lose Some

2009-10-16T04:52:00.000-07:00

I've noticed myself saying the words, "You win some, you lose some," multiple times in the past few days. I've used it in reference to relationships, projects, time management skills, television shows, cooking, and schoolwork. Mostly, I've been losing, and this phrase nicely sums up a "devil-may-care" attitude, if I may quote Luna Lovegood from the latest Harry Potter movie.

World Savvy completely failed. NO ONE showed up. Not a single soul. We decided to reschedule the event for a 4:00 Wednesday or a 5:00 Thursday, and Amy said she would send out an advertisement to the Chinese classes. As we stood there, myself, my supervisors Amy and Laurie, and the three panelists, realizing that we had been stood up by the entire campus, all I could do was shrug it off and say "You win some, you lose some!"

A similar thing occurred yesterday when I tried to cook Trader Joe's clam chowder. It turned out too milky and flavorless. So, you win some, you lose some.

Everytime I have to tell someone new the story of my break-up, I manage a short laugh, shake my head at the absurdity, and say "You win some, you lose some."

Yesterday I walked to the Reves Center in cold, damp weather, which I will have to do again today: You win some, you lose some.

When I realize that it's Friday and I have only written four pages of a ten page paper that I had planned to have completed by Tuesday, I think "Well, you win some, you lose some."

Finally, I the phrase came to mind this morning when I woke up before my alarm with a stuffy nose, clogged sinuses (my ears hurt when I blow my nose) and day full of paper writing, stipend work, and meetings ahead of me. You win some, you lose some.

Really though, I would like to win a little.

EDIT: Last night was sort of a win; I got four pages of my paper written and I got to go to Newport News to visit Shea. We watched "FlashForward," a new show starring Joseph Fiennes, and "The Office" while we pretended to work on papers (she might actually have). So that was nice.

Cozy with Tea

2009-10-15T06:05:00.000-07:00

Outside, rain is falling and the world is gray. Inside, I long for the warmth of my bed and a nice cup of tea. Sadly, only the cup of tea part is feasible, as I have to get up and work on a 10 page paper. In the past few days I haven't done nearly enough work. I finished all of my Hoffman reading, finished writing a four page book review, spent hours at the library in order to compose a five page annotated bibliography, made flyers for an event at the Reves Center and posted them all over campus, and then... went shopping. In all fairness, I needed new clothes and it's a good thing I went when I did, as suddenly the temperature has dropped to alarmingly cold lows (well, alarmingly cold by my standards which means high 40s, low 50s). I'm so glad I bought sweaters. But those several hours that I spent at the outlets could well have been filled with outlining a paper about "The People and the Revolution," which I now have hanging over my head.

Also, this afternoon at 3:30 is my first "World Savvy" session, a panel discussion with three WM students who share their insights into another culture, this month featuring China. I have spent the past month organizing it and advertising for it, so wish me luck!

The Best Fall Break Ever, Ironically

2009-10-12T15:55:00.000-07:00

It's Fall Break, and as you may have surmised from my last post, I went to Chicago to see my best friends from high school. From the moment the plane landed, it was as if we had been launched into some television show like "Sex and the City" (not that I really like that particular show, but you'll see what I mean).

I got off the plane in Chicago only to realize that Chicago is cold and I had one zip-up hoodie and one cardigan. They were calling for snow. I met Dana and Emily at the baggage claim and greeted them with "It is f-ing COLD here!" Dana is from Minnesota, so she had very little sympathy. It snowed where she lives this weekend. We grabbed a taxi to the hotel, planning to change, grab a quick (cheap) dinner before heading out to Landmark Bar and Grill, but the taxi ride took an hour and a half due to traffic. I hope the cab driver was listening to our conversation. It was so entertaining, especially the part where we devoured a box of Cheez-its and Dana explained that DayQuill made her feel like a balloon (she probably had swine flu). We finally got to the hotel only to be greeted by Emily's ex, Dave. He seemed nice enough.

We walked into our room and immediately were hit in the face with cigarette smoke. Ew. We decided to tough it out for two nights, until we found a little card that said, "This is a non-smoking establishment. If we smell smoke you will be charged $200 damages." Dana called down to the front desk to ensure that we would not be charged for what we hadn't done. The smoke smell persisted for the duration of our stay, and we found an empty pack of cigarettes in the drawer of a nightstand.

Anyways, we changed clothes, Christina Sid came to pick us up with her bf, and he dropped us off at Landmark Grill. Hilarity ensued there, too. Our conversation involved the words "tickle, tickle, kiss, kiss, CROTCH GRAB" which made the table behind us leave, we think, and Charlotte confusing Bernie Mac with Bernie Maydoff (i.e-- "He was a con like Bernie Mac." "Bernie Mac?" "Yeah, you know." "Do you mean Bernie Maydoff?" "Oh... yeah, what's the difference between them again?"). As we sat drinking cocktails, pinot grigio, and eating lots of wonderful appetizers, I texted Mike S. "I miss you!" to which he responded "Thanks." Thanks? I texted back "What are you up to?" A few minutes later he replied, "I don't think I can do this Abigail." I stared at my phone slightly shocked, but honestly not too surprised or disappointed. A little pissed off, given the timing and circumstances, but not heartbroken by any means. Christina Sid noticed I was sitting dumbly staring at my phone and asked me if I was ok.

"I think I just got broken up with via text message." The overwhelming response was "WHAT?" "WHAT AN ASSHOLE!" "ARE YOU OK???" A few text messages later and it became clear that yes, I had just been broken up with. Dana and Emily ordered shots and requested that the DJ play Beyonce's Single Ladies as soon as they had ascertained that I wasn't falling apart and the night continued. We had the biggest yagerbombs I have EVER SEEN (I didn't take mine), a free dessert, a shooter called Oatmeal Cookie, and tons of laughs. Dave was the bartender, so most of our drinks were free, and he ensured that the DJ played all of our requests including Toto's Africa. Emily opted to go home with him (they went to a 4 AM bar) and Dana, Christina, and I got a ride home with Christina's bf. It was an interesting ride. Very much like something that would happen in a TV show, but we got home safely and nothing had to be reported to the bar ;).

The next morning, Dana and I woke up, waited around for Emily, watched The Truman Show and Facebooked. Emily finally showed back up completely hungover. Of course, Dana and I dragged her to The Rainforest Cafe for lunch. For anyone that doesn't see the humor in this, let me explain in two words: animatronic animals. There are charging elephants, loud gorillas, a perpetual waterfall, and thunder storms in the restaurant. Emily was so hungover she couldn't even eat. THEN there were at least NINE birthdays at the tables around our table, each accompanied by all of the waiters clapping and singing. After our food was delivered our waiter, Tony, asked Emily if she felt ok. "I'm hungover at the Rainforest Cafe" she replied. "I'm hungover and I'm working at the Rainforest Cafe," he rejoined.

Meanwhile, Dana couldn't quit dropping f-bombs even though the place was filled with children under the age of 6, and the camera-guy gave Emily some Attitude. That's right, with a capital "A." I thought she was going to smack him.

After lunch, we went back to the hotel to hang out for the afternoon. We watched YouTube videos and generally had a good time, then went out shopping for a bit, then ordered a pizza to the hotel for dinner. Lovely evening. Our friend Aaron dropped by, which was nice. Just before bed, we realized that the Chicago Marathon was the next day, and Dana and I had to do some quick planning to get to the airport. Luckily, the El train was really close to our hotel, so we managed to get to the airport much more quickly than we managed to get to the hotel on the first day.

Now I'm back home in Williamsburg working on papers and reading for the last two days of Fall Break, but goodness, what an amazing time in Chicago!!! I couldn't ask for better friends or a better weekend.

Which is ironic, considering that I got broken up with via text...

I Know the Reason

2009-10-10T18:23:00.000-07:00

Tonight, in Chicago with my best friends, we decided to spend the evening at the hotel with pizza and champagne (though we didn't actually get the champagne, so we ended up having tap water instead). We turned on the TV and began to watch Men in Black. This led to a discussion of alien life forms. We talked about the fact that, mathematically speaking, somewhere in this universe there must be other life forms, but whether or not they are smarter or stupider than us is up for grabs. Christina pointed out that if the life forms had visited Earth, or could even see us, it meant that they had superior technology, since we still have no idea if other life forms actually exist. I pointed out that, as per the premise of the movie, it was quite possible that we could see them. In fact, said I, 'tis possible that we have visited them, but that the government has covered it up. We laughed and then Dana said-- "That's it! That's why Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize!"

So now we know. Obama saved the planet Earth from intergalactic warfare, perhaps total obliteration, but the Nobel committee cannot disclose the fact. He probably negotiated a peace treaty with a hostile planet and has restored peace to the Universe. That's why he hasn't made much progress in other areas, such as the economy, or the wars in Iraq or Afghanistan. He spent nearly his entire first year in office saving Earth from aliens, while trying desperately to pretend that he cared about events happening between Earthly nations. That's hard work. Dissembling for a year while saving the planet must have been difficult. So that's how it happened.

Or, you know, maybe not.

Sweet October

2009-10-08T07:16:00.000-07:00

I love October. Hands down this is my favorite month. I would be thrilled if it was always October. It's cool outside, but warm in the sun, and the sky seems bluer than it does in the summer. In October, hot apple cider becomes fashionable, and boots are back in style, and long-sleeved shirts can be worn. I just need to go shopping for said boots and long-sleeved shirts. And so October gives me an excuse to shop! In October, the air feels crisp and clean. Humidity evaporates, and in its place comes stiff winds that rustle fallen leaves in colors of red and gold and orange. October makes me want to go back to elementary school, when I had time to play on the playground and time to get out a coloring book, and time to jump on a trampoline. I love October. This October, though, will be spent mostly inside, I fear. I have much to do before November 9th, and the bulk of it should be completed by Halloween. Still, I'm determined to enjoy as much as I can of the cool sunny days before bleak winter.

The past few weeks have been busy. I have written a prospectus draft, completed peer reviews, written a paper for Hoffman, read more for Hoffman, read more for Homza, begun a book review for Homza, and have begun reading secondary sources for my thesis as well as locating primary sources for said thesis. My thesis adviser is now Professor Whittenburg, so all is right with the world.

In more fun news, last weekend I "English Country Danced" with some VMI cadets and it was hilarious. We had so much fun. I normally hate all dancing, including eighteenth century dance, but this was just so fantastic. I laughed until my sides hurt and made a new friend in the process. Then last night Mike came to visit me and we watched the newest episode of "How I Met Your Mother," made a lovely Trader Joe's dinner, and went to the Leafe for awhile. I hate that we only get to see each other once or twice a week, though. I know I shouldn't complain-- I've been in a far worse long-distance situation-- but it's hard to build up a relationship with someone that you don't see often. We've never had an unbroken day together, and certainly never TWO unbroken days together, which makes things difficult at times.

And finally, tomorrow I leave for Chicago!!!! I am so excited to see Emily, Dana, Charlotte, and Christina! I haven't seen Emily since my 21st, and Dana since sophomore year, and they are two of my very best friends. We have a wonderful schedule of food and wine planned, along with a touch of shopping, so I'm anticipating a wonderful holiday. Except for when I come back and have a ten-page paper and annotated bibliography to complete... but no matter!

I love October.

Happiness is Jumbo Lump Crabcakes

2009-09-27T19:03:00.000-07:00

What makes life better after reading about the atrocities committed in Rwanda, Uganda, Sierra Leone, Guinea, and Ghana during the 1990s? What puts a smile on my face after hours of determining whether Maryland's Catholic elite were acting from interest or ideology during the lead-up to the American Revolution?

My boyfriend, arriving at my door in a suit with reservations at an amazing seafood restaurant. I was dressed in leggings, a hoodie, and my Converse, so obviously that had to change-- into my Venetian dress with my Viennese Waltz shoes (the red tapestry ones). I felt beautiful and happy. And I got to try escargot. AND I got Jumbo Lump Crab Cakes. *happy*

The rest of the weekend has passed in a blur of reading... so much reading... interspersed on Saturday with an I.T. show and a few episodes of "How I Met Your Mother." I finally finished everything reading-wise for Hoffman's class this week, though! Now to write the 10-page paper...

A Week's Worth of Fun and Stress

2009-09-24T11:52:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I've updated, and a great many things have happened, mostly of the good variety. I'm feeling less isolated in the program finally, as people have decided that going out for drinks or to dinner is a fantastic idea that will make everyone so much happier! Last Thursday night a group of us went to the Leafe for drinks. Mostly Americanists showed up, but a few CMA-ers arrived, which was nice. The only awkward bit was that our waiter was a guy that I went on a date with freshman year before realizing what a sketchy bastard he was... I'm pretty sure he recognized me. But oh, well, great way to break the ice with the grad students! After drinks a few of us went out to another bar with karaoke-- always a good time.

Friday night was another night of friends and fun, only this time with I.T. Stephen and I had a few I.T.-ers over for a movie night and got to meet one of the two newbies that we didn't already know. I liked seeing everyone, but it felt a little odd to have them over. Stephen and I both felt old and somewhat out of place. After they left I had reading to do, which put a damper on things and accentuated the 'out of place' feeling. Still, I love I.T.

Saturday, though, came the crowning moment of the weekend!!! Callie had her Pirate Party in Staunton. Mike S. and I went, fully decked as pirates, and had a fantastic time. I haven't seen Callie since Ren Faire, Katie since July, Dez since July, or Annie for an extended period since July, nor have I had rum in ages!!! Or dressed up!!! I love dressing up. Putting on costumes, the liberty to look and be whatever you want no matter how over the top. I had such a good time. Plus, Callie's bf can cook. He made us curry chicken and we had naan bread and rice before the party started. Lovely. All of us girls 'wenched-out' and we watched Muppet Treasure Island and enjoyed friends, laughs, drinks, happiness, being young. I love parties in Staunton.

Sunday, though, I paid. I felt a little hungover in the morning (just a touch) and spent most of the day lazing in Richmond with pizza and football before heading home. Then I had ALL of my reading for Hoffman's class. That took nearly all night before I stopped for a touch of sleep, only to continue reading all morning and early afternoon. I'm still catching up on sleep from that haul. BUT I finished the reading, which is the important part, and was prepared to discuss in class. I actually felt like class went well-- we'll see how this coming week goes-- I'm in charge of leading discussion and writing the 10-page paper. Eeesh. Luckily, before class I got a bit of a break in the form of dinner with Laura! I mentioned to her that the program felt isolating and she agreed. We decided to make Monday night dinners a weekly event to combat isolation, and to hang out some on weekends. We discovered that we both studied abroad in England at the exact same time and we both got to see 1 Henry VI at the RSC! I really like Laura. I hope we get to continue hanging out together. In Anne's words, she's a Kindred Spirit.

That night, of course, I had to continue reading for my Spain class, and I spent all of Tuesday and Wednesday morning reading and compiling an intellectual biography of a historian named Anthony Pagden. Except for when I was at the Reves Center-- where I've been working non-stop to coordinate World Savvy and to finish up processing the Photo Contest information. I swear, this photo contest has taken over my life.

Last night, I went to a concert at the Norva with Mike S. We saw a band called The Decemberists. The show was fantastic-- they were quite theatrical, their songs are lyrically witty, and they had an AMAZING guest female vocalist with them for a performance of their rock-opera The Hazards of Love. We had to stand the whole time like groundlings, which wasn't too bad until near the end when my lower back was really hurting from standing still for four hours. I didn't really notice it, though, when the band was playing, just during the set breaks.

Today has been more reading, plus class. I actually felt encouraged after my meeting with Professor Homza today, though, which was a first. I didn't feel stupid, or like I was so far behind everyone else I'd never catch up. She said that the adjustment from undergrad to grad was hard-- that it was for her, too. That encouraged me, because I really respect her and her work, so if she had trouble at first but is who she is now, maybe I can do it, too. Not that I feel like I can't do the program, just that not having a thesis topic is weighing me down and not having any positive reinforcement from any professional sector really doesn't help.

Anyways, it's essentially the weekend now, just three more hours at the Reves to put in this week, and I'm ready for a good long sleep, followed by finding a thesis topic, followed by eradicating the fruit-flies from the kitchen (which I need Stephen's cooperation to do). 'Twill be a busy weekend of reading, I fear, but hopefully it will have its rewards.

Under Pressure

2009-09-16T15:55:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to come up with a thesis topic. I have a hazy start, but nothing solid and it's a problem. I have a prospectus draft due in three weeks with no real plan in sight. I'm thinking of doing something with Harlequin (the Commedia character) and his popularity in English and French theatres in the eighteenth century. Oh God. I feel so behind. Not to mention the massive amounts of reading to be done for Hoffman's class and for Homza's class. And the papers that are all due around the exact same time. *cries*

Can it just be May?

The Never-Ending Story

2009-09-14T08:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning I woke up at 7:20 and was reading by 7:30. I read until 8:30, stopped for toast and tea (about 20 minutes) then read until 11:30. I then went to Aroma's for lunch, but was at Swem by 1:00, where I printed off an article to read and picked up a book that might be useful for my thesis. By 2:00 I was back home and reading. And reading. And reading. I had a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner around 6:00, then read some more. I took a break to go over to Mike and Zan's apartment for an hour and a half, then got home and continued reading until midnight. I got up at 8:00 this morning and read until 10, then went to Swem to pick up a book and had grilled cheese for lunch. Now I need to read. Sensing a pattern to my life? I am.

I had an average weekend. Some good things happened, like I.T. got newbies and Megan is my 'little-little,' as far as I.T. goes (she got her shake from the person I gave a shake to). Some not so good things happened. Friday night was relaxing, though. I went to Richmond and Mike S. and I went to a hookah bar, which was nice, and the next day we spent the morning at Hollywood Cemetary. Saturday night I got dinner with Mike M., then read, then went to margarita mug night with some grad students.

I just wish everything in my life felt ordered and nice. I feel like I'm struggling at loose ends right now without a clear direction, but I'm certainly working diligently at whatever it is I'm trying to achieve. :-/

It is Good to Have Friends, Even in Hell

2009-09-09T09:16:00.000-07:00

I wish I lived in perpetual weekends. On Saturday I spent hours reading articles and books for my American Revolution class, and I felt so productive and happy. Then Sunday, Mike came to visit and we went to Surry. He had never been across the river on the ferry, nor had he seen Bacon's Castle, which for a WM History graduate (twice over!) is simply unacceptable. It was sunny and beautiful outside, which made for a great drive and a great day. And a great ferry ride-- I love the ferry. It's so nice to cross the James on a pretty afternoon with the river shining in the sun and the wind blowing and the seagulls following the ferry.

But I don't live in perpetual weekends. I live during the week, too. Monday wasn't too bad-- I spent all morning reading, went to class, then spent the evening reading. Tuesday I had to work at the Reves from 8:00-12:00, then class, then reading, then class. I had my American Revolution class, which was rather nerve-wracking, as we eight students discussed the reading for a little over an hour with the professor just listening, and then got a bit of feedback about what we said that was insightful and what was plain wrong at the end. No idea how I am going to do in that class-- Stephen went with me to the Leafe for a drink after. I'm feeling a little tired of reading. I'm feeling a little tired in general. I sense that mostly I will be reading for the rest of the year, until they make me start writing, too. :)

Things could be worse though, and right now isn't too bad. Today I went to visit people in Foodways because I had a present for Jim (an apron that says "I would stop eating chocolate but I'm no quitter") and it was so nice to see everyone, plus Barbara told me her sister is in the theatre in London and if I ever go I should get in contact with her. Then I went to visit Sheri and got scheduled for a few hours at Bella in October, which makes me happy. I have plane tickets to Chicago to visit Emily, Dana, Charlotte, and Christina over Fall Break; I have a wonderful guy in Richmond; I have intellectually stimulating classes; I have professors willing to work on a thesis with me; I have a cute warm little cat; I have a fantastic roommate. I think that all of these things will be necessary to keep me at equilibrium this year. Life is piecing itself together.

And I Know You're Dying In This Open Space

2009-09-04T19:18:00.000-07:00

I feel out of place again. I feel caught between two worlds. I'm a graduate student, but I'm at my undergrad institution. Some of my best friends are still in undergrad, and I want to hang out with them, especially since I don't know many graduate students, but I don't want to be a part of that world in the same way that I was. I feel out of place with them-- I'm a part of the College still, but I'm not in college. The friends I have in undergrad have their own dramas, their own schedules, their own set of activities that I am no longer a part of, nor should I be. We went to the first I.T Show tonight and it was the oddest feeling to sit and watch a show instead of performing in it; the show brought home the fact that I've graduated, but I'm ok with that. In fact, I'm pretty thrilled to no longer have to deal with undergraduate life. At the same time, I feel out of place with the graduate students. Most of them are married or have taken time off and are older, or they are far more conservative and studious than I am. Several of them seem to want only a professional relationship with the rest of us, like we're all working in an office or something instead of being students with ideas who should get together and discuss our work and our interests. I only see a few of them that I have a chance of being close with, and with all of the reading they have given us I don't even know if I'll get that chance.

I feel too old with my undergrad friends, too young with the graduate students.

Perhaps things will look up in a few weeks, after a few more classes with everyone, after people decide on their thesis and their advisers. Maybe then we can get to know each other, go to the movies, get more than a few drinks some Friday night... but until then I feel uncertain of where I belong. Even my closest friendships seem rocky at times, and one of my best friends has completely faded into oblivion as far as I can tell.

Furthermore, I feel thoroughly confused by my responsibilities to the program. I know I need to pick out a thesis and find a thesis director and committee members, but no one has said when that needs to happen, or what a thesis director should do for me, or what I should do for them. No one has given me much guidance on what should go into my thesis or what types of sources I should use. I passed the language exam, thankfully, so I at least have that requirement down, but I feel like I shouldn't feel as lost as I do and I don't know who to talk to, or even what questions I want to ask. I also feel like maybe I'm taking the wrong classes for the wrong reasons-- I thought I didn't need the historiography class, but now I feel like to meet people and make friends I should be there, and I thought I wanted to do something with Spain but that's all fallen apart so maybe I shouldn't be in a class about Spain. Everything I read I question why I need to read it and what it will do for my thesis, or even I need it to tie into my thesis. I'm worried that what I've always conceptualized as history isn't what they want me to do here; the articles I've read on transnational history and comparative history seem less like the history that I love and more like the cultural studies that I put up with in undergrad. Then I wonder if maybe I'm just a closed-minded person. I feel like I'm all alone spinning around and around getting dizzy and sick, but I don't know how to stop spinning.

2009-09-04T08:31:00.000-07:00

My Addiction and Other Stories

2009-09-02T11:10:00.000-07:00

I have a very expensive habit. I know I don't need it, I know I can be just as happy in my life without it, that I can get the same feeling from cheaper alternatives, but I can't help it. I'm hopelessly addicted to Odwalla drinks. I love their C and Strawberry C monsters, their Blueberry B monsters, their Mo' Betas. I could buy a gallon of orange juice at Wawa for the same cost as one precious bottle of Odwalla, but there's something about the Odwalla that I can't stop. Maybe it's getting 1000% of my Vitamin C in a single sitting, and in less liquid than regular juice, or maybe it's having a healthy energy rush from my Blueberry B on those days when I'm feeling sluggish. Maybe it's knowing that the Mo' Beta will cure my cold far faster than your average chicken noodle soup (though I love chicken noodle soup, don't get me wrong-- if I ever get sick bring me hot chicken noodle soup and I will love you forever, especially if it's homemade or Wawa). But I can't stop the Odwalla. I tried to today; I said, no I will get vitamin water with these chips that I am buying at the Marketplace, but the Odwalla cooler called to me...

Currently I'm at the Reves Center, where I work for my stipend. Right now it's a touch slow because I'm waiting for people to respond to the e-mails that I sent them. I'm in charge of setting up Global Jobs, World Savvy, writing articles for our website, and sending out the weekly newsletter to our listserv. I'm also supposed to coordinate with Phi Beta Delta, the international honor society, to help them run International Music and Dance Event in November, so I'm waiting to hear back about Kimball dates for that. I think this job is going to make me lots of connections and give me real life "skillz," at it were. Or maybe just skills. At least I will be able to safely say I've worked in an office job that actually required that I do something besides make copies (though I may have to do that, too).

As to the first impressions of graduate school, I think it will be difficult, yet I am already imagining that day when I type the last word of my thesis, save it to both the desktop and a USB disc and e-mail to myself (I refuse to lose my thesis), and then triumphantly shut my computer, take a long hot shower, then head to the Leafe for a pint. Or head to somewhere for a pint, if I don't get it done by the end of August. What I'm trying to say is, it's going to be hard, stressful, there will be tears and mini-breakdowns, but ultimately I think it will be fulfilling. I'm a little behind in reading because I couldn't keep my mind away from contemplating thesis topics yesterday afternoon, instead of doing my actual reading for my classes, but I can pretty easily catch up I think-- and the good news is, I did come up with a thesis topic.

My topic involves the Whigs and the American and French revolutions, definitely Charles James Fox, perhaps others, and I couldn't be happier. I was trying to go in a different direction earlier, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that I love the 18th century. I love the Tudors, too, but I don't want to do anything with Tudor politics (it's all be done), and the 18th century seems less tapped into in many ways. The Whigs are like my friends-- they make me laugh, they make me cry (literally) and when I read about them I am never bored. From their crazy gambling antics to their political protests they led interesting lives and I feel as if I am a part of it when I read primary sources or good secondary sources (Leslie, Amanda Foreman). I e-mailed one of my professors about the topic and am going to get coffee with him soon to discuss it's viability, but this is like the Kermit the Frog paper-- if anyone tries to discourage me I am ready to prove them wrong. I may need to shapeshift the topic a bit, narrow it or broaden it, but I will study my Whigs.

For tonight though, I'm going to Richmond to relax with Mike, gumbo, and a movie, before seriously considering Spain's Golden Fleece or the 'problems of transnational history'.

Hello Sphinx!

2009-08-30T07:56:00.000-07:00

I has a kitty! Sphinx has come to Williamsburg to live with me and Stephen. Now that Kelly is gone, with the way my parents travel, it seemed cruel to leave him all alone. So today my parents brought him to me! I e-mailed the people I'm leasing from and they said it was fine if I had him live here, even though my lease says no pets-- so yay! So far he hasn't come out from behind a filing cabinet, but I'm sure in a few hours he will start to feel more comfortable, and in a few days he will feel at home.

In other news, graduate school has started in full force. I had my first class on Thursday, and about two books of reading due for it by Tuesday. I had a language exam on Friday and I'm anxiously awaiting my results which could be found out anytime between Monday and two week from Monday. We had a graduate student/faculty picnic Friday evening and I got to meet a lot of great people, and then Saturday morning a group of us went to the Farmer's Market and Aroma's. I bought a sunflower and named her Violet for the irony. There are some really great people in the program and I can't wait until I feel like things are more under control and I can actully get to know them.

But I haven't abandoned my golden friends (one is silver and the other gold). Friday evening I went over to Kacey and Megan's for a small party of watching The Room and playing Twilight the Board Game. It was a really fun time-- I'm so grateful that I have some of my best friends still only a short walk from my home. Plus, good things befell my friends that night as several of them got cast as major roles in the mainstage shows!

Alright, back to the books!

Goodbye, Kelly-Cat

2009-08-27T16:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I took Kelly to the vet to have her put to sleep. It was one of the harder things I've had to do. Kay went with me, which helped tremendously, but having to say good-bye to a cat that I have known and loved since I was six years old was really difficult. She had such beautiful green eyes. She loved being outside, even though she was an indoor cat. Sometimes, if I was lying on the floor, she would come up to me and roll around in my hair. She would paw at my shoes to say hello when I walked in the door. She would curl up on my bed at night and get cranky if I moved and disturbed her. She liked to lay on my lap when I was at the keyboard and sometimes she would help me type e-mails :). She used to play fetch when she was a kitten. She purred more than any other cat that I know of. Her full name was Kelly The Calico Cat Calvert Fine. We called her Kelly-Cat, or Kelly Pretty Kitty, or Kells-Bells most of the time. I will really miss her.

Time to Bring Out the Africa

2009-08-24T16:51:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling stressed. When this happens, as it so usually does a few days before class, I bring out the movie Out of Africa, put on comfy pants, and make a cup of tea. This may be the night.

I'm trying to straighten things out with keeping the Bella job still, and I really hope that goes smoothly. Then I got my syllabi for some of my classes, and they expect me to read four books a week or so. Literally. My house still needs some pictures put up, my study needs organization, my computer is old and I need to put my external hard drive onto a different computer, except first I need to GET a different computer, I have no groceries, and orientation this morning was boring and pointless.

To top everything off, my cat is dying. I've had her since I was in first grade, and her kidneys are shutting down. My mom called this morning to tell me. The vet said it's a hopeless case. We will be putting her down within the week. I'm driving up on Wednesday to say good-bye to her; hopefully she will still be alive then, but she isn't eating and has no energy at all.

It's Out of Africa night.

Harvest is Ended

2009-08-23T09:56:00.000-07:00

"Harvest is ended, and summer is gone," quoted Anne Shirley.

It certainly is. Today is my last day of summer, although I'm spending it working at Bella. Tomorrow I have orientation for all graduate students, and Tuesday morning a history department orientation. But the Anne Shirley quote is appropriate, as my mother and I just got back from Prince Edward Island a few days ago. We had a beautiful time; we saw two Anne musicals, visited Green Gables, the L.M. Montgomery Museum and Birthplace, took a Matthew's Carriage Ride, and spent a day at Avonlea Village (a bit like Rev City, except with Anne of Green Gables). We ate Beavertails and Cow's Ice Cream, and we wore our Anne Hats, complete with red braids. We had lobster dinners for cheap, and took a coastal drive all over the East side of the Island. We went to a sketch comedy show geared towards Canadians (we got about half of the jokes). We had quality time that we've been missing this summer with me living away from home permanently... how odd to think. We saw stars-- oh, the stars! I've never seen so many in my life, I don't think, not even in Jefferson City! I could see the Milky Way, even! The weather was cool and clear. It reminded me of October, which made me long for autumn, though not for school.

Speaking of which, I kind of have classes picked out. It's been a bit of a mess, because one of the required courses for my MA program I took as an undergrad, and there seems to be no point in repeating it, but I have to get it officially waived before I can pick out a second elective, though I easily found two electives that I would love to take-- The Golden Age in Spain, and readings in the American Revolution. The last class came highly recommended. I suppose everything will be sorted by Wednesday (it must be!), but it has been stressful already. Plus, they told me that without approval I cannot keep my job at Bella and have a stipend, so I'm waiting to hear back on that. I really want to keep this job. Although, I have a feeling I will have a very full schedule even without it, so I guess it's really up to what the dean decides. My schedule has gotten even fuller with these frequent trips to Richmond, and God-willing they will continue. :)

In other news, Stephen has moved in, so I have a roommate officially! I think we will have lots of fun, plus he gave me lunch today which was much appreciated-- chicken and mashed potatoes. I certainly didn't have time to cook anything, or any food in the house to cook, so it was good of him to give me food. It's very nice, though, to come home to someone in the house and to settle into an hour of talking and laughing. Much better than being alone all of the time.

And that's about it. Tomorrow I begin the big adventure of graduate school, meeting new students, learning about new requirements, and trying to get back into the academic swing of things. Hasn't this summer flown, yet seemed so interminably long? Looking back to beach week I think that must have been a decade ago, yet the fact that classes are starting again has taken me by surprise.

I suppose alot has happened. I went to lunch with my friend Courtney the other day and he said, "Do you feel as if we've been expected to really grow up alot in these past three months? More than at any other time?" and I think he's right. At graduation I still had that shelter and mantle of childhood, but now-- now I'm a viable adult, a supposedly contributing member of society. Of course, I'm still in school, but I don't have to be and graduate school is so much different from undergrad. Only three months ago things were so incredibly different: much heartache hadn't been suffered, many responsibilities hadn't fallen onto my shoulders, and my closest friends were always no more than a short walk from my bedroom. Not that it's been a bad summer-- in fact, I feel much happier now than I did at graduation. But it's been a summer of learning and growing and adapting and adjusting, and while the outcome has been positive, these are hard times, and I have no doubt that they will only get worse before they get better. Not worse-- that's not the word I want-- I have no doubt that things will only get more challenging before I find my stride. But it's there. I've caught glimpses of what I want from life, and those glimpses are enough for me to keep going on. Maktub.

Highlights

2009-08-10T16:17:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't posted in a long time so I'll give you a run-down of the highlights of the past few weeks, in mostly chronological order.

*Saw Art at VSF with my mom! The show was good, though the actors weren't the best I've ever seen. They weren't bad, but the script had much more potential than they lived up to. We saw God of Carnage in London last year, a play by the same playwright, and the scripts had a similar feel-- both start out innocously and then reveal human nature underneath it all. Except that the God of Carnage actors included Ralph Fiennes, so the acting was a notch better. Still, it was so good to see a play again!

*Got to see Katie Crandol! We got some drinks and talked late into the night. It was so nice to catch up with her. I need to get to Staunton to see her and Callie again soon.

*Quit my job at the Wren! It's over, and I never have to go back. I'm still working at Bella, though, and I've been going to my internship at CW. Although that ends on Wednesday. And I have to return my colonial clothes. :( The internship has been great. Bella lately has been slow. I love it, but slow days suck. Plus, we just got in a lot of new pretty things and I want to buy them all, but I can't due to finances. But if I could... oh, if I could. Sitting there looking at them all day with nothing else pressing to do is divine torture.

*My pre-birthday, birthday, and birthday party! The day before my birthday I saw Mike M. and he gave me Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog on DVD and made a great dinner. On my actual birthday I got to hang out with Mike S. and got How I Met Your Mother Season 2 and got to make crabcakes and potato balls and drink wine. 'Twas lovely. Then my birthday party!!!!! Kacey hosted a party at her place and we had drinks and played Apples to Apples during the afternoon. Kacey and Kay and I also made Funfetti Cupcakes to share with the group, though we ate a fair amount of the batter split between the three of us. That night, went to the White Dog for dinner. I had a half-duckling in maple glaze with mashed potatoes. SO TASTY!

*Got a facial at the Spa!

*Watched lots of How I Met Your Mother with Mike S. I am seriously addicted to this show. It might become a problem once I'm supposed to be paper-writing.

*Got to see Dez! He was in Williamsburg, so we got dinner and talked and it was wonderful.

So that's that! The past few weeks in a very short post.

All the News That's Fit to Print

2009-07-27T06:59:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in awhile, and quite a few things have happened since then, so this will probably be a rather long post full of mirth and matter.

Perhaps the most outstanding event of the past two weeks has been my trip to Paris, France! We've been before, so we eschewed the Louvre and walking to the top of the Eiffel Tower in favor of other sights and sounds. Essentially, I did the self-guided Hemingway tour. For those of you who don't know, Hemingway is one of my favorite authors and The Sun Also Rises is my favorite book. I've read it about seven times in less than that many years and can quote directly from the text in most cases. I went to Biarritz during my semester abroad simply because at one point Brett Ashley mentions that someone wanted her to go there, but she told him that she knew too many people in Biarritz. Anyways, the story starts in Paris, and Hemingway uses very real places to set his tale. We stayed in a hotel in Montparnasse near Boulevard St. Germain de Pres. Over the course of the week we visited Le Select (a cafe which Brett Ashley mentions, and one which Hem actually frequented) and ate Croque Monsieurs and had a specialty drink called the Hemingway Sour, the Dome (another cafe), and the bar of the Hotel Crillon (which is where Brett says she will meet Jake Barnes, but doesn't show up-- the Ben Folds song "Love Just Leaves You Bruised" always makes me think of this scene). I also followed around his book A Moveable Feast, walking through the Luxembourg Gardens, and wandering over to 27 Rue de Fleurus, where Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas lived.

My love of expatriot writing doesn't stop with Hemingway though; I also followed, as if it were a guidebook, Shakespeare and Company by Sylvia Beach. Shakespeare and Company was an American bookstore on the Left Bank opened in 1919 and owned by Sylvia Beach. Her memoirs mention people and places and experiences with writers such as Gertrude Stein, Hemingway, Fitzgerald, and most importantly James Joyce. She was the first to publish Ulysses in 1922, when no one else would because it was considered obscene and labeled as erotica. There's currently a Shakespeare and Company in Paris on Rue la Bucherie across from Notre Dame de Paris, but Sylvia's was at 12 Rue de L'Odeon. So of course, we found it. Currently, it is a clothing store for older French women called Moi-Cani, but the woman who owns the store apparently has recognized the importance of her location in literary history, and has bookshelves around the shop with books by all the expatriot writers and the French writers with whom they consorted, and she had made up a fitted long-sleeved T-shirt with a picture of James Joyce and Sylvia Beach standing in the store. Of course, I bought it.

We did other things, too, besides following around dead authors. I remembered from Munich a free English-language walking tour given so that students wouldn't have to choose between a tour and food. In Munich, our guide told us they were expanding out of Germany and into Paris. We looked up Sandeman's (the company) online and found the meeting point for the free tour. It was fantastic. It was about three hours long and we saw most of the famous sites and got fun anecdotes and facts from our New Zealand guide, Gabbie. Additionally, we went to the Rodin Museum, a place I have longed to go for about five years (it was worth it), to the Musee de Luxembourg for a special exhibit of Fillipo and Fillipino Lippi's, to the Invalides to see Napoleon's Tomb, and to Sacre Coeur up in Montmartre. In less elevated sounding excursions, our hotel had a bowling alley next door (Le Bowling Montparnasse) that my mother and I frequented nightly in an effort to watch real French people bowl. I think France is my kind of place as I saw one guy that got a score of over 100.

Perhaps the most interesting and surprising thing to happen in Paris was on Sunday morning; my family went to Cafe les Deux Magots for breakfast and just as we sat down I heard someone call "Abigail, Abigail!" I thought, "They can't mean me!... but then again, Abigail isn't a very French name." Sure enough, it was a friend from William and Mary! His name is Chris, and we were never all that close, but we were at many of the same parties and once ran around with the same set of friends. Amazing to see him in Paris! He told me he was planning on seeing the Louvre and paying a visit to Shakespeare and Company (he took the Joyce class).

The other part of my visit to France was a day-trip to Chartres, which my mother and I took together while my dad was at his business lunch. The train ride to Chartres was only about an hour away, and the town itself boasts a beautiful medieval Gothic cathedral. Honestly, it impressed me, which I find difficult to do after spending a semester studying art and architecture in Florence, then a semester in England living across the street from Bath Abbey. But the Cathedral at Chartres was amazing, truly beautiful. They had a carving of the Annunciation unlike any I have ever seen. Not that it was more beautiful than a Donatello, but something about it moved me more than any other. The town itself reminded me strongly of a French-speaking Bath. It centered around the Cathedral, it had lovely shops and cafes, a city square, museums, and a small-town feel. Plus, very few people spoke any English at all, so I actually got to use my limited knowledge of French! I was very excited about that aspect. Chartres was wonderfully pleasant, and a nice change of pace from the mad-house of Paris.

Not that the mad-house of Paris was all bad-- on the final night my dad took me to the Buddha Bar Paris and we got fantastic drinks in a very ambient setting. My drink tasted hardly alcoholic (though it gave me a bit of a buzz) and had a faint peppery taste. There's a Buddha Bar set to open in Washington D.C. at the end of this year, so I think I may have to make a trip up there to go out with my friends.

And, I suppose, that's the news from Paris. But I've been back in the States for a few days now, and other interesting occurrences have cropped up. The biggest news, I think, is the fact that I have officially gotten a roommate-- Stephen Cole! He moves in in September, and I couldn't be happier. He will take the third floor room and bathroom, help with rent, and generally make life better, as he does. He also told me that he has learned to cook, which I quite appreciate. I can cook in a colonial kitchen, but I'm not much above pasta and rice in a modern one. I will really enjoy having a housemate, I think. It gets very lonely without one, plus it's nice to know that if I fall in the shower and die I won't lie there until my neighbors smell me. But seriously, I'm so excited to have a housemate!

So, that's life over the past few weeks! Working at Bella still, my last day at Wren is the 30th (yay!), and trying to figure out what to do for my birthday-- any suggestions?

On the Fringe

2009-07-14T10:21:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I drove up to D.C. to see my friend Mike's new show in the Fringe Festival. He wrote a musical called The Fall of the House of Usher, and it stars two of my friends. The show was great, though the building its in was... atmospheric. For a musical about a falling house it couldn't have gotten any better-- I'm pretty sure the building was condemned. But overall, I thought the entire thing went really well. You could tell that everyone had put a lot of work into the piece, and some of the acting was very impressive. The music itself was wonderful, but that came as no surprise. :)

Personally, I thoroughly enjoyed the experience of leaving Williamsburg. It was so nice to be in a city for a little while, and to eat Indian food, and to get drinks at a hotel bar, and not to go into work. I got caught up with news and gossip, I rode the metro, I dressed up a bit which I haven't really done in awhile (except to go to Bella or Wren, but no one I care about sees me there). I got to spend a night at my house, got to see my best friends, and even my lovely kitties. I'm having a bit of trouble with one of my cats though. She's getting very old and has ceased eating with her usual zest. Poor thing.

And soon-- so soon-- I leave for Paris. Tonight I'm packing my bags, tomorrow I'm seeing Harry Potter at Short Pump, and tomorrow night I'm driving to D.C. to prepare for my Thursday flight.

Happy Bastille Day, toute le monde!

A Place Where I Can Bid My Heart Be Still

2009-07-10T11:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I took the day off.

I had worked all but one day of the past week, including the Fourth of July, and while I was supposed to go into Foodways yesterday afternoon... I took the day off. I needed the day off. I feel so much better than I did. After my dental appointment, I made a spa appointment at Kingsmill, then I bought a Stirato Roll from the Cheese Shop, and had lunch at home using my left over house dressing and goat cheese. I bought an adorable little dress at Banana Republic (to wear in Paris), and a pair of brown flats at the Gap (which I desperately need, since most of my work clothes are brown-toned and not black).

Then the spa. So nice. I got a Spring Rejuvination Facial, which was about the loveliest thing I could have imagined. The music was soft and soothing, the lighting was low, and I could just relax. I let go of everything... the world can't be such a bad place if things like facials can happen. They also had sauna and steam rooms, where I was told I could stay until as late as ten o'clock and no one could find me. A place where no one could find me, and I could just think and be... I feel calmer now. It's still not perfect-- it won't be, yet. But I feel calmer. I feel like things really will be alright.

They say that God is infallible, but I don't think that's the way to put it. I don't think mistakes are even a concept for God. It's not that He's incapable of making a mistake, it's that they don't even factor in. It's as if, for God, there's no such thing. He may be a perfect being, but it's not that he's perfect, it's that perfection and imperfection are not even concepts. We have free will, and I suppose we sometimes flout God's plan, or... not plan. God's will? I don't know. But He lets us. And we learn. And then He smiles, pats us on the head, and puts us back on track.

Maybe there are many, many tracks he has planned for, like a chess-player who can't always see the next move of his opponent, but plans many moves ahead for each possible move that the other could make. I could have chosen to go to Staunton, and God might have had options for me there. I chose WM, so God has options for me here. I could have applied to Ohio, or St. Andrews, and maybe I would have gotten in and those tracks would have opened. Limitless stretching webs that link and don't link and I choose one thing, and maybe it's not a track God wanted me to be on for long. But that doesn't mean He didn't think about what I would learn, or what I would gain and lose by choosing to make the moves I did. Nor does it mean that He didn't think about what paths open next. Lots of them. Free will. But also God's plan. Maybe that's how it all works together.

Anyways, I got home before nine and made a bowl of pasta and started to watch Gone With the Wind, but Thursday is free bowling night with a Student ID, so I ended up going bowling with Maggie and Stephen. SO FUN! I'm really no good, but that's half the appeal. There's no pressure for me when I bowl. Our lane was broken so pins just wouldn't stay up, plus sometimes it didn't count my gutter balls so I got another shot. I think I bowled a 36 and a 67 or so. I can't wait to go bowling again! It reminded me of those wonderful days of Individual Sports at Jefferson City High School. I was just as bad at bowling then as now, but this was infinitely more fun!

I love days off.

July 4th and the Aftermath

2009-07-09T09:28:00.000-07:00

The Fourth of July was a success. I had to work at the Wren all day, and it was surprisingly un-busy, thank God, plus I got to close up early because of the Ice Cream Social going on in the Wren Yard. I got home to find Kacey, Kay, and Brian hard at work on dinner, and shortly after Maggie arrived. We ate pizza, bruschetta, a salad with strawberries and sweet onion dressing, and drank margaritas and Firefly Vodka Arnold Palmers. When we had finished with dinner we played an extremely competitive version of "Barbie: Queen of the Prom" in which boyfriends could be stolen until you were going steady, and in which there were not enough club presidencies to go around. It was cutthroat, and Brian won.

We then went to see the fireworks! For CW, they weren't all that bad. It will never equal "Wishes" (which Kay and I hummed), but they were nice and made me feel patriotic to watch fireworks just steps from the Powder Magazine, on a street that saw the beginnings of Revolution stirring in Virginia. After fireworks we played another round of Barbie, and this time I won!

The past few days have been full of work. I haven't had any time off between Bella and the Wren. I drove up to Richmond to have dinner with Kacey the other night, and last night she visited Williamsburg for dinner with me. I watched most of The Diving Bell and the Butterfly at Maggie's the other night, and I'm borrowing Gone with the Wind since I finally finished the book! I bought my tickets for the Fringe show on Saturday, and I bought my tickets for Harry Potter on Wednesday. I've begun to plan for Paris, since I leave in a week.

Mostly I'm trying to remain happy and optimistic, but due to extraneous circumstances this has been a much more trying task than I imagined. I had a dental appointment today that came from Hell, and I got my Welcome Packet for graduate school and I've begun to stress about that-- it's going to be so much work and I'm not sure how I'm going to do it all. I feel like I should have started my thesis already, and Lord only knows if I'll pass the language exam. I feel very alone here in my flat.